Is cancer your best kept secret?

In the news recently both David Bowie and Victoria Wood died from cancer, but kept it a secret from everyone until the very end. So is it best to hide your diagnosis or just let everyone know from the outset?

When first diagnosed I kept it to myself, I did not want my family to worry unduly and wanted to continue with as normal a life as possible. So I hid the hospital letters, deleted phone call records and went on my own to the clinics. Eventually I needed major surgery (difficult to hide) and then had to let everyone know. My partner was quite angry I'd not told her earlier. However I was gratetful for all the help I got from family and true friends, quite a few people dissapeared off the scene, I'm told this is a normal reaction, whilst others seemed to avoid speaking to me. I guess folks feel awkward and don't know what to say when you've got cancer, while they can easily find something to say if you've a broken leg. Having had this disease for coming up to two years now I am open about having cancer and discuss it freely with anyone. I find that it helps me and also helps those I talk to, understand more about cancer and dispel the many myths there are surrounding cancer.

So what's your take on it, keep it to yourself like David and Victoria, or just let everyone know.

Parents
  • Hi Kim

    since my cancer was only found whilst I was on the operating table and prior to going under I signed the consent form allowing them to contact my son after surgery and let him know good or bad.  Never for a minute thought it would be cancer, he knew before me. Good thing or bad thing? Well guess he could get to grips with it before facing me.

    All turned out well and I've been open about it.  I can understand why people would want to keep it quiet though.

    Strangely enough I went to chemo treatments (all of them) on my own.... Guess I felt more comfortable with that.

    JB

Reply
  • Hi Kim

    since my cancer was only found whilst I was on the operating table and prior to going under I signed the consent form allowing them to contact my son after surgery and let him know good or bad.  Never for a minute thought it would be cancer, he knew before me. Good thing or bad thing? Well guess he could get to grips with it before facing me.

    All turned out well and I've been open about it.  I can understand why people would want to keep it quiet though.

    Strangely enough I went to chemo treatments (all of them) on my own.... Guess I felt more comfortable with that.

    JB

Children
  • Hi All

    There is a good selection of viewpoints here, with hindsight I would have been open from the start, especially as I hurt my partner of nearly 40 years by trying to protect her from bad news, she took it as not having trust in her. Also people then know why you didnt turn up for that party, or dinner, or work and I was surprised just how many people helped me out with practical stuff.

    I see on the BBC website this afternoon there is an article on this very same subject, you can read it here.

    www.bbc.co.uk/.../uk-36130760

    Kim

  • Kim, that's exactly how my mum felt, that my dad didn't trust her to share how he was feeling after 40+ years of marriage. So hard for her to get to grips with. I sure it was part denial and part not wanting to stress her out of worry her...