Is cancer your best kept secret?

In the news recently both David Bowie and Victoria Wood died from cancer, but kept it a secret from everyone until the very end. So is it best to hide your diagnosis or just let everyone know from the outset?

When first diagnosed I kept it to myself, I did not want my family to worry unduly and wanted to continue with as normal a life as possible. So I hid the hospital letters, deleted phone call records and went on my own to the clinics. Eventually I needed major surgery (difficult to hide) and then had to let everyone know. My partner was quite angry I'd not told her earlier. However I was gratetful for all the help I got from family and true friends, quite a few people dissapeared off the scene, I'm told this is a normal reaction, whilst others seemed to avoid speaking to me. I guess folks feel awkward and don't know what to say when you've got cancer, while they can easily find something to say if you've a broken leg. Having had this disease for coming up to two years now I am open about having cancer and discuss it freely with anyone. I find that it helps me and also helps those I talk to, understand more about cancer and dispel the many myths there are surrounding cancer.

So what's your take on it, keep it to yourself like David and Victoria, or just let everyone know.

Parents
  • Hi Kim,

    I comment from the other side of the fence so to speak as it was my husband who was diagnosed.  In the  beginning he told me he was having a private MOT through work (his boss told me he was sending him as he was having problems at work which he had  not shared with me).  He chose to go to all appointments up to and including diagnosis without taking me along but I think he felt he  needed to come to terms with things first before 'sharing'.  He came home on diagnosis day, told me what he could, broke down (together) and then told me he would not wish to tell others, once the children were told, but would rather leave that to me.  So from then on I was his 'informant' and kept people up to date. 

    I think it all comes down to an individual's coping mechanism and I had a close friend who spent 23 yrs dealing with the cancer journey and she was open from day one.  A very interesting thread to start Kim.  Jules x

Reply
  • Hi Kim,

    I comment from the other side of the fence so to speak as it was my husband who was diagnosed.  In the  beginning he told me he was having a private MOT through work (his boss told me he was sending him as he was having problems at work which he had  not shared with me).  He chose to go to all appointments up to and including diagnosis without taking me along but I think he felt he  needed to come to terms with things first before 'sharing'.  He came home on diagnosis day, told me what he could, broke down (together) and then told me he would not wish to tell others, once the children were told, but would rather leave that to me.  So from then on I was his 'informant' and kept people up to date. 

    I think it all comes down to an individual's coping mechanism and I had a close friend who spent 23 yrs dealing with the cancer journey and she was open from day one.  A very interesting thread to start Kim.  Jules x

Children
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