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I smoke, I drink, I have cancer. I deserve no support

goldielocks
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Ok, so I have been in and out of this site for 2 years now. But I have never heard anyone talk about smoking, sometimes about drinking, but that all seems okay. Do you know, I have had so much support from people on this site and I hope I have returned it to others in some small way, but never have I had a discussion or seen a discussion about smoking on this site. I fear I will alienate those who have supported me or feel that I have betrayed those I have tried to support I guess. I'm not a tramp (although it wouldn't matter if I was), I'm a successful well paid manager. I have or had cancer for the last 2 years and I smoke and I drink. There it is. I don't need to hear that it's bad, because I know it is. When I was diagnosed, I did give up (both), but when I started to get better, I started again. For me, I just wanted to feel normal again, the old me, not the new cancer victim me. I'm sorry to those that fight this and I continue to press that self destruction button. Obviously I'm not that sorry because I continue to do it. I'm sure this entry will inspire some antagonism or self help support, I just want to tell the truth. I'm sorry. Julie xxx

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  • Offline in reply to goldielocks

    We are what we are Julie.....and often we're our own worst enemies.  I'm not going to throw any bricks!!

    Love

    Carrie xx

  • Offline in reply to Carrie

    Thank you Carrie.

    In retrospect. I don't know what I was hoping for in that message. Curiosity maybe. Feel a bit rubbish tonight. Got a croaky voice, for a while actually. Went to my doctor and explained my diagnosis to him as smoking. He was not judgemental in all fairness but when I asked him if I could have throat cancer after having bowel cancer and is it unconnected, he said yes and then promptly referred me to ENT for tests.Rubbish.Went outside and had a ***. What more to say?

    xx

  • Offline in reply to goldielocks

    Hi Julie

    See - we all have secrets in the closet!!  We thought my Dad had smoked himself into oesophageal cancer as he'd smoked since his teens and very heavily at that.  He died aged 79 years.  I have never smoked but developed the same complaint when I was 60 years and luckily, knowing all about the symptoms, got myself to the doctor pretty damn quick and so am in remission now.

    We all do things which are bad for us both physically and mentally - that's what being human is all about and intelligence and common sense doesn't seem to come into it.  I suppose we all have that feeling "It'll never happen to me" or "I can stop this when I want to".

    I never try to judge people - we all have our vices (some are bigger than others!).

    Thanks for raising this subject as it's interesting to hear other ppeoples points of view.

    Take care.

    Love

    Carrie  xx    

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  • Offline in reply to goldielocks

    Hi Julie

    See - we all have secrets in the closet!!  We thought my Dad had smoked himself into oesophageal cancer as he'd smoked since his teens and very heavily at that.  He died aged 79 years.  I have never smoked but developed the same complaint when I was 60 years and luckily, knowing all about the symptoms, got myself to the doctor pretty damn quick and so am in remission now.

    We all do things which are bad for us both physically and mentally - that's what being human is all about and intelligence and common sense doesn't seem to come into it.  I suppose we all have that feeling "It'll never happen to me" or "I can stop this when I want to".

    I never try to judge people - we all have our vices (some are bigger than others!).

    Thanks for raising this subject as it's interesting to hear other ppeoples points of view.

    Take care.

    Love

    Carrie  xx    

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