Mine's a pint

Loving you right now

We are what we are Julie.....and often we're our own worst enemies.  I'm not going to throw any bricks!!

Love

Carrie xx

Hey Julie,

Always good to hear from you hun.....I'll have a large glass of white, not too dry, thanks

Listen, this is my opinion on your 'bad habits'.......it's YOUR business Julie, no-one has the right to preach to you about it, no-one. I get sick of hearing about what could have caused my cancer 'too much red meat, being overweight, lazy sitting around on your butt lifestyle, age'......(I ate virtually no red meat, I've never been overweight in my life, I WISH I'd had the chance to have a lazy sitting around on your *** lifestyle, and I was well under the 'recommended' age for this cancer).......

I smoked about 5 a day before diagnosis...I gave up, not because of the cancer but because it could affect how well the treatment had worked (chemo)...then I ended up having a virtually toxic response to Chemo - so that didn't help much eh

I totally 'get' the wanting to be normal bit........I'm not going to be the one who nags you on this. If you give up smoking it has to be your choice hun, if you continue to smoke that also has to be your choice. No nagging from me coz I know (as an ex-smoker) how damn hard it is to stop - or even to WANT to stop in the first place.

Hugs,

Dizzie xxxx

Thank you Carrie.

In retrospect. I don't know what I was hoping for in that message. Curiosity maybe. Feel a bit rubbish tonight. Got a croaky voice, for a while actually. Went to my doctor and explained my diagnosis to him as smoking. He was not judgemental in all fairness but when I asked him if I could have throat cancer after having bowel cancer and is it unconnected, he said yes and then promptly referred me to ENT for tests.Rubbish.Went outside and had a ***. What more to say?

xx

Hello Dizzy, Thank you. Dunno what's up with me tonight. I feel a bit lost. I think I feel something bad is going to happen to me. I got this feeling last time and it did. I am now going to beat myself up with a big twig! xxx J

Hi Julie

I think this is a great subject to bring up.Guilt and ill health go hand in hand and it is hard to accept that as an intelligent person life gets in the way and you can knowingly make a bad choice.I struggled with the "was it something I had done " question for  a long time(my crutch was the drink and while i was not a drunk I would have hobnailed my liver if i had kept down that path )

The worse you feel the more you need a crutch and you cannot know for sure where one problem started and another began.

In my early 30s i had a bad time with my health and after a particulry bad 6 months and 6 operations  and i had signed up with a herbailst  I decided that i would do the full on healthy living thing-I wasnt quite sober,raw vegan but I was heading in that direction

.Idealy this would mean I did not get sick again but if i did i would know that i could not have done anything different.I was 35 when they told me the problems were genetic and 37 when they caught the cancer on the first scan which was already stage 4 so i got half my wish.Fear is a good thing if it sends you in the right direction and i have no regrets about putting the effort into the heathy living because i had a better quality of life and  dont think i couuld have managed another dose of guilt.

I had a lot more cake and wine after they found the cancer.I hope i am not sounding to rightous its just that guilt is a big issue for me and I just throught i would write this because as you say, we all know what we are supposed to be doing but there are other factors that we have to deal with and we  face some hurdles when we are ready for them.

Now i am NED i do more of the healthy stuff again but my favorite  cure for a bad cold is

take a bowler hat and put it on the end of the bed.

Take a jug of hot toddies to bed

Keep drinking untill you can see two bowler hats.

Hi Julie

See - we all have secrets in the closet!!  We thought my Dad had smoked himself into oesophageal cancer as he'd smoked since his teens and very heavily at that.  He died aged 79 years.  I have never smoked but developed the same complaint when I was 60 years and luckily, knowing all about the symptoms, got myself to the doctor pretty damn quick and so am in remission now.

We all do things which are bad for us both physically and mentally - that's what being human is all about and intelligence and common sense doesn't seem to come into it.  I suppose we all have that feeling "It'll never happen to me" or "I can stop this when I want to".

I never try to judge people - we all have our vices (some are bigger than others!).

Thanks for raising this subject as it's interesting to hear other ppeoples points of view.

Take care.

Love

Carrie  xx    

Hi there,

Thought I would add my two penny worth.  I also smoked from my teens through to my early thirties.  I only gave up because I was so ill one winter with a chest infection and the flu.  I was so scared I went cold turkey and until last week, when at a Funeral, and finding it all hard to cope with, I hadn't touched them for about 23 years. I ended cadging a ciggie off my son and lit up.  I have to say it was disgusting and I only smoked it half way before stubbing it out.  I am 56 years old and should know better but hey I am human!!!!!!!  I also like a glass of red, rose or white wine (I'm not fussed as long as it tastes nice), Cider (magners I love), lager and if I can get my hands on it, the odd lass of champers.  I also like cream cakes and desserts and have them now and again even though I am type 2 diabetic and,  as far as I am concerned, even though I break the rules, I do not deserve  the breast cancer, the diabetes or the IBS  or anything else my friend upstairs, thinks he will throw at me.

No one is perfect, and your life is for living, and you should not change for anyone, because you are you and you should be proud of that.

PHEW that felt good.

Take care,

Love,

Bubbles. xx