Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Sara,

You sound really upbeat again which is fab,and lovely plans on the horizon.Looking back can you believe what you have been through and how endless it seemed at the start.A total life change.I,m OK thanks,picking up now after my fright before Christmas,very slowly but surely.Scan next month to see if this chemo is working,I think it is so on from there and warmer weather into the bargain!

Stay atrong ,you are doing.

so well

Rose xxxx

Hi Caz,

And it sounds like the old Caz .So glad you are managing as best you can.Well done taking that step and going out.Whether you stay for 10 minutes or a few hours doesn,t matter,you do what is comfortable for you .I really hope you enjoy yourself.I know when i went to our local after I was diagnosed people didnt know what to say,some hugged me and others just smiled because they didnt know what to say so I went round everyone and said hello which broke the ice for them .

Your councilor sounds as if she is helping.Its a long slog but you will get there.

Rose xxx

Hi all,

Caz i am so glad to hear you are taking the plunge. One day at a time is so so right, and you will get through the storm.

My wig from NHS was butchered by a hairdresser - who sells wigs and is on the hospital site - I am going to try some cheapy ones at like £20 a pop and see of macmillan will help me get one good one. At the moment i am jusst wearing a scull cap which looks awful - but you know what .... i don't care - but i would like to have one nice wig to make me feel better when i go out.

i did want to ask thou ladies, i was told having radio can make the breast shrink and the skin tight. Is there a huge difference? I know this is vain but i keep thinking i have dimples and wrinkly skin already where the lum was removed, and i have the option of reconstruction still and not having the radio therapy. It seems so insignificant when i read some of the posts and challenges you have all been through, but i ask now not just for myself, but for the others that unfortuantley will follow. So many questions are not answered by the hospital staff. I like to think i have choices still and can be prepared for the changes without going to pieces this time!

Just a reminder all,

the days are getting longer and lighter, February brings back our fleeing birds, a smile lightens someones day, and you have a great excuse to curl up and stuff yourself with chocolate and watch crap TV. Lifes not so bad!

love to all

sara xxx

Hi Sara.

Personally I had no problems with radio.but everyone is different.I had recon afterwards and they stretched the skin OK.I would start moisturising now if I were you,a good old dollop of cream twice a day should make a good difference.

I noticed the evenings are staying lighter as well.Lets hope all this heavy frost has kept the bugs away.Roll on spring.!!

Rose xxx

Gosh Colly

What a beautiful picture of you, and I hope that when we all finally meet up, your hair will be just the same as on the picture, well maybe not quite as long anyway just to say hi to everyone and Caz im so sorry to read your posts, but it sounds like your on the way up now the anger has set in, harness it cos it will give you the strength you need to cope, your daughter sounds lovely, allow her to help you heal.

Sara its good to hear you doing so well and well done lilsis. We are all coming out of this slowly but surely and for that I am truly grateful.

I myself am doing really well, back to work and training 5x a week...good old Claire Nasir is helping me shift those unwanted pounds and I can finally get into my jeans.

I have an appointment on 3rd Feb with surgeon to discuss the reduction of the other breast to bring it in line with my reconstructed one, Im really excited about that, just one more stage closer to getting me back to normal.

I am sending you all heaps of love and well wishes

Lee xxxxxxxx

Thanks Lee, you look stunning in your pic, and your hair is gorgeous. My hair is growing so fast, went to a house party last night without the wig, everyone sais I suited the really short hair, only prob is, itc coming through salt n pepper lol so hopefully another month or 2 I'll get it coloured. Starting back beginning of april and signing back up to the gym this week, dont think I'll manage 5 times per week but certainly 2 or 3, my feet still really sore as are my arms, so hopefully this chemo feeling should be gone soon. Hope everyone is well. lots of love coming your way xxx

hi patrica n ladies

how are you? and your son? was so pleased to hear you had gone back to work, how are you getting on? slowly but surely?

sorry i havent replied til now, been meaning to. though this will be a quick one! got 3 hospital apps this week so will find out whats what now. going to push for pet scan tomorrow n find out what i need to do, need to look out for. breast still sore n im not sure about it at all. how should you feel when treatment ends? wouldnt be half as bad if i felt ok. i will be glad to not go to the hospital as often. i will be happy to stop having medicine n heal. but you are on your own then. need to ask some questions this week! i did everything in stages n this is the end. last treatment thursday. 1 whole year of medicine all finished. i do hope it is forever.....!

keep in touch. lots of love to you

leonie xxxx

Hi Lonie

Well done for finishing your treatment - great feeling isn't it - I know just how you feel my lifes been on hold for a year! Make a big deal about getting the PET scan - they don't like doing it and perhaps I'm a cynic but I believe its because the cost is around £700-£800 a time. When I had my last appointment with the oncologist (last week) I asked if I could have another in a year or so. He very plainly told me there was no point because if my cancer did spread (I had quite a lot of lymph node involvement) then any treatment would be the same as if they found it through 'symptoms'. He then went on to tell me if I got it in the bone I would have terrible pain that wouldn't go away etc., etc., Frankly I felt he was glad to finish my treatment and wash his hands of me. He told me that in future I would see the breast nurse to check for swelling in my arm and maybe the surgeon regarding reconstruction - I came away feeling as if like you said i was 'on my own' However I now realise as long as the lovely people are on this site and if we are lucky - our families - support us we will never be truely that.

All the very best for the future - look forward now!

Best wishes to all on this site - Tony Song you are always in my prayers

Jan x

hello everyone

It is so great to hear that some of you have finished your treatment and feeling stronger and well done Lee for getting back to the gym.  I have started walking again and plan to get back to classes in a couple of weeks.  Only 5 more rads to go! Hooray, hair is growing although I am still wearing the wig, I think I am going to get a vegetable dye and colour it blond for a laugh!  It seems to take an age for your eyelashes and eyebrows to get going though and although I used to moan about the hair that grew out of a mole on my face, I was quite pleased to see it return, it was like a sign that the body is returning to normal.

Lonie, I bellieve you were on herceptin?  and that you have just finished? I am also until October, not sure if you experienced the same but my hands feel quite stiff and with pins and needles in the morning, also legs are heavy and generally muscle ache.  Not sure if this is still the chemo in the system or the herceptin?

Colly you look very bonnie with you lovely blond hair, I have tried to post a picture but cannot seem to do it, will try again.  it is nice to see the face behind the name.

Nina hope you had a nice birthday on the 16th, I remember as it was day before mine, my what a lot has happened in a year!  How are you doing?  Not long to go until you finish is it?  And you Sara not long for you also, You have done so well and have left some lovely messages on here.  Thank you.

Tony, i hope the treatment is going well you are in my thoughts as you all are.

I don't know how some of you feel but sometimes I feel like I have been in a dream and I have just woken up, I cannot really believe i have been so seriously ill.  It is a amazing how your mind helps you to cope with things, when I look back at how terrified I was and now here I am over the worse.  I know I have a future of check ups and apprehension and that life will never be the same again, but I feel positive and thankful for where I am now and I will always truly value life.

Rose glad to hear the treatment is going ok and thanks for your words of encouragement, you are always there for the first timers.

Keep strong everyone.

Anne

xx

Hi everyone

glad to hear everyones updates

thanks anne (love pic by the way ) i have finished my chemo had my mapping today for radio start next tuesday. I want to look forward to normality to return. My husband is still worried sick but i will try reassure him i am not going to spend all my time worring it might come back . My birthday was lovely thanks hope yours was too .hope 47 is better than 46 !!!!

lovely to keep up to date with u all

lots love and hugs nina xxx

Hi everyone

glad to hear everyones updates

thanks anne (love pic by the way ) i have finished my chemo had my mapping today for radio start next tuesday. I want to look forward to normality to return. My husband is still worried sick but i will try reassure him i am not going to spend all my time worring it might come back . My birthday was lovely thanks hope yours was too .hope 47 is better than 46 !!!!

lovely to keep up to date with u all

lots love and hugs nina xxx