Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Nina,  I am not far behind you as you know  - I can't wait for chemo to finsih. How are you feeling now that that horrible part is over? I hope you celebrated ! 

sara x

OMG booming chemo brain or what ! Forgot to say i am so excited - hair is nearly half a cm long - wispy and grey but definately there - still no underarm or bikini hair, but have got hair on the lower leg - weird or what! hardly any eyebrows or lashes and no hair up the nose so now i know what you meant by nose dripping!  Decided to buy two new wigs at the end of the month, one long for my glamourous evening or sultry look and one short funky crop style ready to get used to my new style and to wear more frequently (sure it will be more comfy).

For all of you who suffer with wig itch, I tried the cotton wig caps but they were always loose, so i used an old tee shirt and cut caps from the sleeves. Not only is the material thicker so the wig doesn't itch, but they fit better too - tighter with a lot of stretch. I made four in an hour or so hand stitching and wear them to bed - like i said glamourous !!!

sara x

Thank you all. Xxxx

Well I'm still here... that's a bonus.

Still a bit of a mess..... but i'm getting there.... one day at a time..... with lots of cuddles from my daughter and lots of help from my friends (and when I say friends, I really do include all of you)

I'm no longer at the "why has he done it" stage.... I've reached the "he's a tosser" stage now

I am seeing a new counciller now..... and she has explained that this detached feeling is totally normal..... she said that I have gone through so much in the last 5 months, I will still be experiencing feelings of shock and disbelief about the cancer and the Mastectomy..... let alone him leaving

My friend has persuaded me to go out with her tonight.... she met with some resistance at first, because we are going to the pub I used to work at... I was worried that they would all expect me to be like I used to be..... She told me that they're my friends and they want to see me again.

So I am going.... I have promised to stay for 2 drinks, and she says if I am not relaxed by then, she will pay for my taxi home herself... so how could I refuse?

So on a whim, I withdrew some of the money I got as a macmillan grant (and haven't used yet) went out and bought a new (pretty) mastectomy bra, a new top and some make up.

I will come back tomorrow and tell you if I stayed the night or bottled it after 2 drinks

I am really looking forward to going out....... but I'm scared to death too..... how strange is that

But at the end of the day.... it's the first step to the rest of my life

I might be hurt, upset and confused....... but I'm not dead yet

If two types of breast cancer at the same time couldn't take me out....... then neither will he

Thank you so much for all your lovely messages

You have all helped me so much

Love always

Caz xxxxx

Aw Sara how lovely of you to say that, im doing grand, feel fab, just cant wait for my hair to grow a bit more, leaving it for another month then getting it coloured, Radio was a breeze compared to chemo, not be long now, time flies by, honestly cant believe i had my op 8 months ago. Look after yourself x

ps hope all you girls & tony are well xx

Sara just a thought after reading your next post, remember you can get a wig on NHS mine is fab x

Hi Sara,

You sound really upbeat again which is fab,and lovely plans on the horizon.Looking back can you believe what you have been through and how endless it seemed at the start.A total life change.I,m OK thanks,picking up now after my fright before Christmas,very slowly but surely.Scan next month to see if this chemo is working,I think it is so on from there and warmer weather into the bargain!

Stay atrong ,you are doing.

so well

Rose xxxx

Hi Caz,

And it sounds like the old Caz .So glad you are managing as best you can.Well done taking that step and going out.Whether you stay for 10 minutes or a few hours doesn,t matter,you do what is comfortable for you .I really hope you enjoy yourself.I know when i went to our local after I was diagnosed people didnt know what to say,some hugged me and others just smiled because they didnt know what to say so I went round everyone and said hello which broke the ice for them .

Your councilor sounds as if she is helping.Its a long slog but you will get there.

Rose xxx

Hi all,

Caz i am so glad to hear you are taking the plunge. One day at a time is so so right, and you will get through the storm.

My wig from NHS was butchered by a hairdresser - who sells wigs and is on the hospital site - I am going to try some cheapy ones at like £20 a pop and see of macmillan will help me get one good one. At the moment i am jusst wearing a scull cap which looks awful - but you know what .... i don't care - but i would like to have one nice wig to make me feel better when i go out.

i did want to ask thou ladies, i was told having radio can make the breast shrink and the skin tight. Is there a huge difference? I know this is vain but i keep thinking i have dimples and wrinkly skin already where the lum was removed, and i have the option of reconstruction still and not having the radio therapy. It seems so insignificant when i read some of the posts and challenges you have all been through, but i ask now not just for myself, but for the others that unfortuantley will follow. So many questions are not answered by the hospital staff. I like to think i have choices still and can be prepared for the changes without going to pieces this time!

Just a reminder all,

the days are getting longer and lighter, February brings back our fleeing birds, a smile lightens someones day, and you have a great excuse to curl up and stuff yourself with chocolate and watch crap TV. Lifes not so bad!

love to all

sara xxx

Hi Sara.

Personally I had no problems with radio.but everyone is different.I had recon afterwards and they stretched the skin OK.I would start moisturising now if I were you,a good old dollop of cream twice a day should make a good difference.

I noticed the evenings are staying lighter as well.Lets hope all this heavy frost has kept the bugs away.Roll on spring.!!

Rose xxx

Gosh Colly

What a beautiful picture of you, and I hope that when we all finally meet up, your hair will be just the same as on the picture, well maybe not quite as long anyway just to say hi to everyone and Caz im so sorry to read your posts, but it sounds like your on the way up now the anger has set in, harness it cos it will give you the strength you need to cope, your daughter sounds lovely, allow her to help you heal.

Sara its good to hear you doing so well and well done lilsis. We are all coming out of this slowly but surely and for that I am truly grateful.

I myself am doing really well, back to work and training 5x a week...good old Claire Nasir is helping me shift those unwanted pounds and I can finally get into my jeans.

I have an appointment on 3rd Feb with surgeon to discuss the reduction of the other breast to bring it in line with my reconstructed one, Im really excited about that, just one more stage closer to getting me back to normal.

I am sending you all heaps of love and well wishes

Lee xxxxxxxx

Gosh Colly

What a beautiful picture of you, and I hope that when we all finally meet up, your hair will be just the same as on the picture, well maybe not quite as long anyway just to say hi to everyone and Caz im so sorry to read your posts, but it sounds like your on the way up now the anger has set in, harness it cos it will give you the strength you need to cope, your daughter sounds lovely, allow her to help you heal.

Sara its good to hear you doing so well and well done lilsis. We are all coming out of this slowly but surely and for that I am truly grateful.

I myself am doing really well, back to work and training 5x a week...good old Claire Nasir is helping me shift those unwanted pounds and I can finally get into my jeans.

I have an appointment on 3rd Feb with surgeon to discuss the reduction of the other breast to bring it in line with my reconstructed one, Im really excited about that, just one more stage closer to getting me back to normal.

I am sending you all heaps of love and well wishes

Lee xxxxxxxx

Thanks Lee, you look stunning in your pic, and your hair is gorgeous. My hair is growing so fast, went to a house party last night without the wig, everyone sais I suited the really short hair, only prob is, itc coming through salt n pepper lol so hopefully another month or 2 I'll get it coloured. Starting back beginning of april and signing back up to the gym this week, dont think I'll manage 5 times per week but certainly 2 or 3, my feet still really sore as are my arms, so hopefully this chemo feeling should be gone soon. Hope everyone is well. lots of love coming your way xxx