Hi there ...

I know that first time writting a card missing someone's name is a heart felt moment ...  and I'm sure your kids will feel just as lost wondering about leaving their mum's name off to ...

Maybe you could write their names and a little message with love from you ... then at the end maybe something like "remembering mum at this time to"  

It's always hard at first ... everything is a new "normal" and never easy ,.. you sound a very caring hubby and dad ... I'm sure she's looking down and very proud of you ... Chrissie  .....

Hi Blobs. 

I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your wife. My dad passed away 2 months ago from liver cancer, like you it is still very raw and the images of his final days really do haunt me sometimes.  

You shouldn't feel stupid at all for feeling like you do, losing someone so close to you completely turns your world upside down and makes decisions that seem simple a lot more confusing and emotional. 

My dad passed away 6 days before my 23rd birthday, my mum wrote 'from mum and dad' in my birthday card as she said she couldn't bare not to, which I completely understand but i did get a bit upset and it felt a bit strange. 

Each family are very different and i cant be certain how your children would feel, but i am sure they would never think that you have forgotten their mum. Perhaps you could find a way of honoring your wife at Christmas in a different way, maybe giving your children a candle to light in her memory, or taking on a tradition that your wife did like making a certain kind of food. Last week I scaled a 12 foot ladder to put up the Christmas lights on the front of the house (very much one of my dads traditional Christmas jobs) but I felt like I had to do it on his behalf and that it would make it feel like a more normal Christmas and like he was still with us. 

Whatever you decide to do I'm sure your children will know that you are just trying to do your best for them. Don't to be too hard on yourself, coping with losing a loved one is difficult enough without all the emotion of Christmas. 

Louise 

I think my reply below may be misplaced as rereading your post maybe your children are not youngsters. But in case they are I'll leave it as is (I lost a friend when young). If they're older then they won't think you've forgotten her. You can just add something like mum would have wanted me to wish you... or remembering my lovely wife/your wonderful mum 

Oh so tough... I feel for you. Heartfelt condolences. I do think putting your wife's name on the card would be a mistake. Your children might start to wonder if she's really gone. Or could be coming back. Especially at Christmas that's a difficult thought to have in your mind with all the supposed "magic" of it. And therefore sadly a seed best not to sow.By contrast sending a card from their mother written in advance of her death saying she had asked for it to be sent... well that's something else entirely. I think it would probably be best with just your wife's name on if so. And it would need to be clear that she knew she wouldn't be there for Christmas and is sorry she can only be there in their hearts now. I was unable to sleep at night for many years because I was told a best friend who died very young (age 11) had simply entered a long sleep. The idea of her being asleep was more terrifying than the idea of her dying or being differently "awake" in another world. But that other world has issues too when viewed from a child's perspective. If a child (or adult) thinks they can get to that other world what might ensue...Keep things simple. Don't be over-elaborate I guess.

A tough first Christmas Blobs. I'm very sorry for your loss. You're not stupid at all. You can add a short message saying how much you are thinking about your wife, or write anything else you like. But the card comes from you.  Part of what Chrissy rightly recognizes as the New Normal. But it must be really hard. I try to imagine what it would be like if I was in your shoes. It's all very sad. Best wishes. Harry

I think that's a lovely idea. My dad died just three days ago and the thought of Xmas without him is horrible but if it were me i'd find it lovely to see a little message in my card, as you're all still thinking about her and carrying her with you. 

So sorry for your loss. My girlfriend of 7 years at begging of lockdown received the all clear for thyroid cancer. But it looks like it's spread and she is having to go back as they have found something in her bloods. And it's in her lymph nodes now.  And I have come on here because I know I won't be able to cope with it. I can't loose her and I am just so sorry you have gone through what you have

BLOBS

HI  Bloops,these times Christmas,birthdays,Anniversaries  are a difficult time when we face them.for the first time when a loved one is lost,and I can understand your painfull emotional thoughts during this difficult time at Christmas. 

Im sure yoor children how ever old thry are are have  feelings very simular to yours  this Christmas. 

I myself would write out the Christmas cards to send to them and maybe put love from Dad and I know your mum will be looking down on us all and sending her love to us all too this Christmas. .  

It may not be right for you,but its just a nice way of including your wife  in wishing them all a happy Christmas,as to be honest you know in your heart she woukd wish you all excactly this. Hope this msg helped. Xxx

Hey, 

I am daughter, I lost my dad 20 months ago at 58 and I was 31. 
Everyone is different and we have had this conversation, my mum really struggles with cards, but I like her to write love mum and dad because he is still my dad. 
We call him our brightest star in the sky so sometimes she writes that as well. 
I think it's still lovely to speak about them and include them in one way or another, but maybe even speak to your children and explain how you feel and what they would like. 

if you can't bring yourself to then 'love always x' 

I know how you feel, I lost my husband in June this year. I am not sending cards this year, it's just too upsetting. It will be difficult, first Christmas without your wife, and without my husband. We just have to give ourselves time, but we will never get over it. But life does go on, I just hope I get to feel a little better, the grief and pain of losing your loved one is horrendous. 

i don't know what to say about to you about cards, but I am sure they know how difficult this time of year is for you all. 

I loved that my dad included mum in his cards, it was slightly below rather than the usual mum & dad or a reference to  'you know who' but I felt a little bit sad when I got some flowers and the florist card just said dad, and I realised he probably didn't know what to say to the florist so mum got left out.  However it was that my dad included mum  I loved it, and if he'd done something different that would be OK too.  Xxx