Hi Debbie. I am so sorry for your loss. I just read your story and had to reply. In April of this year I lost my mum to this awful disease in an almost identical way. She went to the doctors with all the same symptoms you’ve described, the jaundice being new on the day she went and was admitted to hospital that same day. She had liver stents fitted 5 days later and a biopsy taken which confirmed the diagnosis and she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Less than 3 weeks later she was gone. She was also young at 54 and had always lived a healthy active lifestyle. Me and my family were shell shocked and still are now almost 5 months later. It really has been the worst time of my life, she was my best friend and I’ve had moments where I just feel I can’t go on without her. 

I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but in my personal situation and that of how my dad is coping it doesn’t get easier you’re just learning how to live with it. Saying that, those first few weeks/months are the absolute worst and I was having days of literally having to take an hour at a time let alone a day at a time.

I know losing a partner is different to losing a mother but our stories are so similar, I am always here if you want to reach out to someone to talk. Take care x

Hi Sunsetdriver, thank you so much for your reply, firstly I would like to say so sorry for the loss of your Mum. I also lost my Mum and Dad in their very early 60s, and I do know how you are feeling. You lean on your parents all your life and when they are not there you feel like a lost child. After reading your post it has reassured me that my husband was not the only one to have suffered such a quick and terminal cancer. I never knew much about pancreatic cancer before his passing, and now all I seem to do is read about the symptoms and treatments, wishing he could have had more time and options. It was a terrible time watching my husband who enjoyed his food not be able to even hold water down! He never complained about any of his symptoms. As for myself, loosing your partner is incredibly painful, we did everything together and were very much home birds. My son moved out with his girlfriend 2 years ago and I lost my 12 year old dog in April this year, so my home is empty. My family and friends are being very supportive but my husband was my best friend and the only person I really want to be with. It will be a month tomorrow I lost him, yet it feels like yesterday.

Hi Debbie51, and welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm glad you've found us. 

Please accept my heartfelt condolences on the passing of your husband. I hope you find some comfort and support here on the forum. I also wanted to mention Cruse Bereavement Care, in case you're not yet aware of the support they can offer. 

With best wishes,

Helen
Cancer Chat moderator

Debbie, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father first of lung cancer in 1998, then my mother of lung cancer in 2000, then my sister (who was like a 2nd mom to me) in 2014 of liver cancer..and this year my husband was diagnosed in May 2018 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and started his first treatment in June 2018 and has been in severe physical and emotional pain since the first scary CT scan. I know all to well the suffering and dispair this disease causes children, siblings and spouses. I am currently going through the nightmare for the fourth time!! All I can say is that it does get easier with time, although it may not seem it right now, but unfortunately I'm speaking from experience and can say it will but its going to take time. I know I probably don't have much time left with my husband I just hope the doctors can manage his pain better for the time he does have left! God bless those that have gone or are currently going through this.

Hi [@Debbie51]‍  firstly I read your post and it made me cry. 

Im 25 and my dad has pancreatic cancer stage 4, and is very jaundice. We have been told they cannot treat it, he’s not eating and has lost so much weight I hurts to see. Can I ask when you say he suddenly deteriorated what happened? I’m sorry to ask, I’m just filled with anxiety and worry I just feel I need a clearer vision on what may be coming up as I’m really scared. 

Thank you xxx 

Hi, 

I have just read your post, firstly i’m sorry to hear your dad is suffering from this dreadful cancer. My husband deteriorated very quickly, he was admitted to hospital on the 22nd July as he wasn’t holding down water and his meds, he passed away on the 29th July, so only a week! The doctors told us on the 27th July which was the anniversary of my dads death that my husband would possibly have a week or two, but they wouldn’t let him out of hospital that weekend to come home and he passed away on the Sunday evening. 

I am so sorry to have to tell this, I feel for you and your family as my son was 25 years old also, we were both with him when he passed away and held his hand so tight, we didn’t want to let go of him.

I know this is not what you want to hear, i’m Sending lots of love and strength at this difficult time. 

If you ever want to post me again, please don’t hesitate.

Debbie51xxxxx

Hey, not really sure how this works with forums n stuff. Obviously done a wee bit googling which was hard enough in itself. Right. My wife succumbed to cancer recently. To open up, I had recently asked Janice to marry me after 14 years of us being together. Liked our holidays , went here n there but she always wanted to go on a cruise which we did in September and it was absolutely amazing  I asked her to marry me during the most beautiful sunset in Santorini you will ever see, sorry detracting.. so we planned to get married in 2020  (amazing place picked by Janiice) all booked up so all was looking good. Until .. eh how do I do this  she hadn’t been feeling that well so they sent her away with tablets for all manner of things  

my love, janice died 19 days after she was diagnose

Sorry I will respond to my own post. It was my wife and not husband that succumbed. She will laugh at that. 

Hi lost love . Sorry about your wife loosing a partner truely is one of the worst or the worst painful things i bet you feel robbed there is absolutly nothing i can say thats going to help with your .pain i can only suggest what i did when i lost my liz just over a year ago we were talking about goinging away in our caravan after second session of chemo in two days she was gone so understand what a shock it must have she had a massive stroke and contracred sepsis. I put a post on about getting married but like you we had no time she couldnt spk . Its a horrible thing but i i fe her around me maybe you will to at the moment you will be feeling so raw but give it time . Maybe look to some bereavment counciling it sounds like it may help as with me we are alone and the peron our friend confidant has gone . But i tell you this this agony dosnt last forever the pain does dwindle dosnt mean the loves gone liz ls always in the back of my mind its painful but a comfort to . Tell you what i did i did a small service with the engagment ring after the funeral doing our marrage vows as it was so important to her we marry then i have done it. in law maybe not but in life it is ive learned and been told by a good wise friend how lucky we are to have found love many dont .so it may not seem it but you truely were . .keep coming on and talking talking is truely the only way to get through this go out for walks in the park being in nature helps i i used to hate it had to drag myself out but when i got home the house just seemed that bit brighter i joined a social group used to go out for odd meal being around like people just took my mind off it fo an hour and there was people there that understood because they had been through similer i used to think how lucky women were as a rule to live slightly longer than us i dont think that now .so these things are what i did to help and they did to a point and thats good enough i think best wishs .paul and again so sorry your not alone on here its a club no one wants to be in but its i comfort to be in if you let it . I only mention how i i dealt with my loss to try and give you comfort as at the moment ime not so bad didnt want to try and steal your grief just so you know i understand and your not alone

Hi Debbie 

I’m sorry for all the pain you have gone through. I’m currently also going through this and just reading your post has made me feel that we all go through the same thing. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer is January. He lives in Portugal and I had just visited him at Christmas. He had severe reflex when he ate and constant indigestion, at the time I just thought he might need to go on a diet as he ate a lot of rich food and drank a fair bit of wine (Mediterranean diet). As the process of diagnosis went on they couldn’t figure out what type of tumour it was as they couldn’t get to it and it became increasingly frustrating as the Portuguese doctors didn’t tell us anything and we had no idea what was going on and what the future was looking like. About two weeks ago we found out it had spread to his stomach and he has gone down hill rapidly. As I’m writing this he is lying in his hospital bed next to me. I think the biggest shock was seeing him turn to skin and bone, to see him being unable to talk and to see him tired all the time, and yet he’s still got his sense of humour. 

I dont want want him to be suffering anymore but I don’t want him to be gone either. I am 21 and he will never get to see me get married or see my children