Hi Susananne,

Thank you for your lovely caring message.  I am so sorry that you too are suffering the terrible affects of grief.  I can't imagine how it must feel to lose the love of your life and my heart goes out to you.  I hope you are right and we are stronger than we think, sometimes it just gets to me and I feel like it'll never get better, but I'm sure in time it will.  Thanks for being there and post me if you are ever feeling lonely.  Hope x

Hi Beryl, and thank you for taking the time to post me.  I know you understand the sadness, sometimes it's just overwhelming isn't it?  I hope my parents are watching over me, I think they would think I am mad to have taken on the challenge of renovating their house!  My son said that it would be lovely to bring it up to date to our era as in his words "grandad did it all for his era".  I have read many posts on your thread and know how hard it is for you without your lovely David.  I was so glad to see that you had met up with Joan on this site as you seem to have a lot in common.  Thank goodness there are always people on here who understand.  Thanks again.  Hope x

Hi again Brian,

Thanks for your message.  The poem only made me cry because it was lovely, and so true, so thank you for it.  I understand about the personal things you found hard to dispose of from your mother's house, it is the silliest little things that get you isn't it? I really want things to improve as I know my parents wouldn't want me to remain sad.  I have tried everything to be happy and sometimes it works, but then sometimes you just feel like you've taken another huge step backwards.  I hope your wise words that I will be stronger from this, are right; I want to be a stronger person so I can help others who have to go through this horrendous ordeal.  I'm meeting up with a friend today, so I hope that may make me feel a bit better and more positive to continue this journey.  Thanks again Brian.  Hope x

Hello Beryl ,How are you I dont come on to the forum a lot lately but had to check to see how everyone is ,and noticed your text to Hope poor dear loosing both parents so close together ,luckily she has a lovely hubby and family to help her through ,I see you have had some decorating done and so glad you are happy with it My son painted Tonys room and I have replaced the hospital bed with a bed settee for when grandchildren stay and I added new curtains ,but I still call it Tonys room .My brother came down yesterday and we went out for lunch which was nice he lost his wife Margaret aged 59 to cancer 6 years ago she was my best friend and Tony was his we were teenagers together  those were the days I hope the weather hasnt caused too much damage where you are its been terrible the electric cable came down it supplyed electric to my cottage and next door but we were connected within the day luckily Rusty and I have been getting wet daily but yesterday was beautiful warm and sunny then rain again today Im sure your lovely David would be proud of you getting the decorating done and it keeps you busy but dont work to hard will you Rusty and Button are sleeping at the mo ment so im going to have lunch and a glass of wine I wish you could join me and we could try to put the world to rights ha ha ,Love to you Beryl and hugs hope to talk soon .....Susananne x

Hi Hope

I am so sorry you are hurting and you have had lots of support already but just wanted to say my thoughts are with you. Grief is such an emotional rollercoaster and sadly you never really got the chance to grieve for your Dad properly before your Mum became ill and you had to face loss again.  Now dealing with the house and forthcoming anniversaries are causing new sadness to face but take those small steps, hour by hour if needs be and keep chatting on the forum (you have amazingly been supporting others despite your own sadness) when you need to.  I think  you had a counsellor a little while ago and it may be worth re-visiting this option to help you now.  My Dad passed away 6 years ago next month and I can only say that I am sad he is not around to guide me now (he always seemed to have the right way of saying things and dealing with Mum) but the happier memories do find a way through in time.  Draw support from your husband and children and do not be hard on yourself - you have faced huge loss and healing takes everyone differently.  Here if you want to chat - big hugs  Jules xx 

Dearest Susananne

How lovely to hear from you I too feel for hope terribly and as you say luckily she has a wonderful caring husband and that will mean such a lot.   I love my new room it was David's favourite and he spent the bulk of his time there when he was so poorly and I just couldn't go into it I called it the cancer room  but now it is called the fuschia room as fuscias were one of David's flowers it looks really good.

I was thinking of you on 5th February and absolutely feeling your pain my heart went out to you my love so glad that day has gone for you Susananne anyway as I have always said your Tony is still with you watching over you and loving you with all his heart.

Oh how I would love  to join you for a glass of wine and meet your Rusty and Button  I would take Rusty for a walk whilst you had a rest and then come back for more wine and like you said put the world to rights or we could try.

Love and hugs to you

Lots of love

Beryl xxxx

Hi Hope

It is my pleasure to post you, I do hope you are not feeling quite so sad today, and it am sure your Dad would be very proud of the work that is being done to his house well done you!!!

I know the pain you feel is unbearable at times, but like I always say my love just take baby steps go with the grief have a good cry and eventually you will come out the other end smiling that's what I tell myself and your mum and dad are still with you.

Keep this in your heart Hope and hopefully it will take away a little of your pain

My live to you and hugs

Beryl xxx

I'm so sorry you feel so down at the moment. I think it's okay to feel awful, as long as we remember the pattern that grief has taken in the past...It's a bit like dealing with the cancer itself, only we know we don't have it.

With cancer , it seems there is always the next treatment, the next period of respite, the next challenge to face...and so it is with grief.

When we are in respite we must hold onto that feeling and remember it when we are truly on our knees, as the respite will come again...and perhaps a bit longer next time....

Perhaps if you wrote down jobs you have to do in order of how badly they will affect you, it will give some order to what seems like chaos. Then maybe you could tackle things one at a time at your own pace, in your own way. This way you are taking charge...you own the grief...it doesn't own you.

Just some thoughts...I don't have any answers but the more ideas we all put your way, the more chance you have of finding one which works for you..

God bless x

Hello Hope,

Sorry you are hurting so much just now, but please don't feel like you have done everything wrong.  You have had to make some very difficult decisions in the absence of the very people you have probably always turned to, to help you make them.  You have offered so much support on this site - a very positive way of using your pain and your experiences with your parents illness.  You will have helped a lot of people.  It is about a year and a half since I lost my Father and I can relate to what you are saying about reliving some of the bad memories - I try to be positive, but sometimes slip back into this too - it is sometimes a bit of a battle not to.  I can also really relate to what you say about taking on doing up your parents house.  We had builders in insulating our walls at the end of last year - the stress of it really got on top of me and made me realise that I am still quite fragile just now and have to be careful not to take on too much.  I also felt very guilty as it is Dads money that let me do something so major with the house, one of the things he said when he was ill was he wanted to see some progress with the house, but he is not here to see it - so what gives me the right to use his money this way.  I know my Dad would never have wanted me to feel this way, but it is just a difficult thing to deal with.  Anyway, this is my way of trying to say that these difficult feelings are perfectly normal (either that or both of us are far from normal - this is a distinct possibility in my case !)  Perhaps you should look at how you are feeling from your parents perspective (far easier said than done I know).  They would never have judged what you are doing with their house or anything else the harsh way that you are.  They would only ever have wanted you to be happy - be kind to yourself and you will get back there - it just takes time, and some weeks are better than others, Kathryn x 

Hi Jules,

Thanks once again for your support.  I've just been really emotional lately and think the house business just sent me into meltdown.  However, thanks to all the wonderful support on here together with meeting up with a friend today, I am feeling a bit better.  I'm sure you will have your own emotions on the anniversary of the death of your Dad next month, I am glad though that time has helped ease your pain and happier memories are now in the forefront of your mind.  Thanks again.  Hope x