Hi Hope. I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I can relate to the severe ups and downs that come with facing the prospect of losing one parent so soon after another. I too, like you, felt that at the beginning of 2014 we could start rebuilding our lives after losing my dad in December. After being given my mums diagnosis last week that now seems like a distant memory, and wholly pointless. Unfortunately there are no words of comfort I can offer you, this ordeal is just awful and there's not a lot that can make it much better. I have thought a lot in the past week about what will happen to the family home when my mum succumbs to her cancer. I am hoping that either me, my brother or my sister will be able to buy the house from the other two siblings.. However I will probably move to Bristol to be with my boyfriend and as I am a student would not be able to get a mortgage. That makes me feel awful as I would truly love to keep the family home in our family. But you must remember you can only do what you can do, and I am absolutely certain that your parents would not want you to put yourself through any undue stress for what is essentially bricks and mortar. You will always keep the memories with you, and they are all that truly matter now. My thoughts are with you, you give me hope that I can survive this emotional roller coaster. You are incredibly strong and I am sure you can get through this. Although the pain is very raw now with a lot of anniversaries coming thick and fast, I am hoping that once you enter the second year this pain will ease up a little. I'm here if you need to chat, thank-you for all the support you have provided me in the past few days. Sindy x

Oh Hope,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this low at the moment. But it is small wonder for with the anniversary and all the work clearing the house and now overseeing its re-decoration, any one of these things would would be enough on their own but to have to try and deal with them all at once, it's small wonder your feeling like you are. The happy person you once were will come back trust me, but it will take time, it's something that cant be rushed. In fact I truly believe you will end up stronger than you were before, and one who will use that experience to help other just like you are doing now for you are a very kind and caring person. You have not done everything wrong; I feel sure your parents would approve of everything you have done and are doing. I know the emotional turmoil I went through when I had to clear my mothers house. Little things she had kept made me realize there was a side to my mother I never really knew, for she was much more sentimental than I had ever realized. Several times I found things that just chocked me up. I just had to sit down for a few minutes when it happened. I only lost one parent and that was bad enough so I do feel for you and wish there was something I could do to help. But on the other hand, I feel sure it was you that said on here some weeks ago, we only suffer like this because we loved and cared for our loved ones so much. Hope, you have no need to apologise for rambling, I am an expert at it, in fact I have a degree in it. But you have done the right thing by writing down on here so that people you have helped like me can return the favour.

Take care and I am sending kind thoughts and best wishes your way. Please keep us updated, Brian.

Hi Hope,

Its me back again. I just found this and I thought you might like it.

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I hope you like this. Take care, will chat again soon, Brian.

Hi Sindy,

Thank you so much for your response.  I usual soldier on with things, but am just feeling really down at the moment.  I know I will get through it, it's just a rough ride.  I am so glad that I give you some hope, life is so cruel sometimes but I'm so glad there are so many lovely people on here to help us through.  Please let me know how things are, I do think of you as you are so young to be going through this ordeal.  Take care.  Hope x

Dear Brian,

Thank you once again for coming to my rescue.  I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, I just seem to cry all the time and can't handle the slightest thing - hence why the house project is upsetting me so much.  I always take on board what you say to me, and I do believe you when you say that time heals.  I'm so glad too that you think I will get my "usual" self back again, I was beginning to think this is the best it gets.  Thank you for the lovely poem, brought a tear to my eye again; but it is true, I have to choose to be happy it's just so hard sometimes.  I know my parents wouldn't want me to sitting crying over whether I'd made right or wrong decisions, it's just that initial when we gutted the house it felt better, sort of less emotional - but now it feels sad, I feel like I've taken away everything they had.  However, I do realise it has to be in a worse state before it looks better and I'm sure I will feel better when it does.  Everything just seems like a long slog at the moment.  I will try and get my positivity back, and thanks again for being there for me; it really means a lot to receive other peoples opinions on things as I think my head is muddled just now.  Take care.  Hope xx

Dearest Hope,

I'm so sorry to read how low you're feeling. I can only echo the words of Brian and Sindy.

Please keep posting as I see it gives you some sort of release. We will keep 'listening' and trying to offer words of comfort.

Apoplgies for my lack of eloquence this morning, but be assured, I'm thinking of you.

Sending love and hugs your way, Jo xxx

Hello Hope ,I am so sorry that you are feeling so low this grief is a very hard and unpridictable road to follow loosing both parents in such a short time is terrible but try to think you are so lucky to have a lovely husband and family to love and support you togerther with the lovely people on this forum,I lost my darling husband Tony on Feb 5th 2013 we had been married 40 years and I miss him so much my heart is broken im so lonely and think of him constantly,but I do have a lovely family who live close by and Imtrying to move on but like you find it very difficult to move on but im going to try as Tony wouldnt want me to feel like this and im sure your parents would only want you to be happy and carry on with your head held high .No one can take away your memories  Hope ,This journey of grief we are on is hard but we are stronger than we think and will get through it, it will make you stronger..I would love to give you a hug so virtual hugs are on their way take care Hope ...Susanannexx

Hi Hope,

The emotional turmoil you are going through at the moment is easy for me to understand. So many things have been building up for some while and the house thing is bringing matters to a head. I know things are tough and you say you cry at the slightest thing,but in a way that's good for its just natures way of releasing those built up emotions over which we have no control. I too felt sad when clearing mothers house. Disposing of things she had accumulated over the years made me feel so sad, for she was never able to buy anything new until the last few years of her life, she always had to make do with second hand goods. Knowing this made it so hard to dispose of them.

Sorry the poem made you cry, it was not what I intended believe me, but when I saw it this morning I felt I just had to send it to you.

I can tell you that things will improve although normal life will never be quite the same normal as in the past. One lesson I have learnt in life, nothing ever stays the same, nothing is permanent, sad though this is. Please take care, we are here for anytime, Brian.

Hi Jo,

Thanks so much for being there when you yourself are going through so much.  I really hope you're doing OK.  I don't mean to sound so down as I know so many people on here have so many problems of their own, but sometimes my pain feels like it'll never get better.  I know it will in time, I just have to be patient, which is not my greatest virtue.  Thanks again and take care.  Hope x