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Hurting loads

Hope23
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I had thought I was doing better this year but now I feel just as bad as before.  This week it is a year since I was told my Dad was dying, and it is 6 months since my Mum died.  I'm re-living so many memories, my Dad's death in March, watching my Mum grief stricken.  Me trying desperately to help her rebuild her life only for her to be diagnosed with the same cancer in June.  Then watching her deteriorate just like my Dad, until she died in August.  I don't know how to cope anymore.  Losing one parent would have been awful, but if I still  had one we could have grieved together.  Now I've got myself in a state about their house, I so wanted to do the right thing and decided I would do the house up with a view to keeping it for the future and possibly renting.  Now work has started it is a major project, it is upsetting me and I now realise I couldn't rent it.  I wished I'd never started it but I guess I'll just need to do it up to sell.  I feel like I've done everything wrong.  I miss my parents so much, I don't like my life the way it is now. I don't want this unhappiness to carry on another year, I feel like I've lost the happy person I once was and I'm scared she'll never come back.  Sorry for rambling but I just need to write it down.

Parents
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    I'm so sorry you feel so down at the moment. I think it's okay to feel awful, as long as we remember the pattern that grief has taken in the past...It's a bit like dealing with the cancer itself, only we know we don't have it.

    With cancer , it seems there is always the next treatment, the next period of respite, the next challenge to face...and so it is with grief.

    When we are in respite we must hold onto that feeling and remember it when we are truly on our knees, as the respite will come again...and perhaps a bit longer next time....

    Perhaps if you wrote down jobs you have to do in order of how badly they will affect you, it will give some order to what seems like chaos. Then maybe you could tackle things one at a time at your own pace, in your own way. This way you are taking charge...you own the grief...it doesn't own you.

    Just some thoughts...I don't have any answers but the more ideas we all put your way, the more chance you have of finding one which works for you..

    God bless x

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    I'm so sorry you feel so down at the moment. I think it's okay to feel awful, as long as we remember the pattern that grief has taken in the past...It's a bit like dealing with the cancer itself, only we know we don't have it.

    With cancer , it seems there is always the next treatment, the next period of respite, the next challenge to face...and so it is with grief.

    When we are in respite we must hold onto that feeling and remember it when we are truly on our knees, as the respite will come again...and perhaps a bit longer next time....

    Perhaps if you wrote down jobs you have to do in order of how badly they will affect you, it will give some order to what seems like chaos. Then maybe you could tackle things one at a time at your own pace, in your own way. This way you are taking charge...you own the grief...it doesn't own you.

    Just some thoughts...I don't have any answers but the more ideas we all put your way, the more chance you have of finding one which works for you..

    God bless x

Children
  • Offline in reply to devoteddaughter

    Hi devoteddaughter,

    Thanks for taking time to post me, you are right in saying that we have to remember that when we are on our knees respite will come again.  It's just hard to believe it when you get to that low point sometimes.  I am feeling a little better tonight and I know a lot of that is from the support I've received on here.  It is so good we are all able to help each other.  Your idea of writing things down is also good, when I get in the "pain & panic" mode nothing seems clear, so maybe seeing it written down would help.  Thanks again and I do hope you're OK too.  Hope x

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