Hurting loads

I had thought I was doing better this year but now I feel just as bad as before.  This week it is a year since I was told my Dad was dying, and it is 6 months since my Mum died.  I'm re-living so many memories, my Dad's death in March, watching my Mum grief stricken.  Me trying desperately to help her rebuild her life only for her to be diagnosed with the same cancer in June.  Then watching her deteriorate just like my Dad, until she died in August.  I don't know how to cope anymore.  Losing one parent would have been awful, but if I still  had one we could have grieved together.  Now I've got myself in a state about their house, I so wanted to do the right thing and decided I would do the house up with a view to keeping it for the future and possibly renting.  Now work has started it is a major project, it is upsetting me and I now realise I couldn't rent it.  I wished I'd never started it but I guess I'll just need to do it up to sell.  I feel like I've done everything wrong.  I miss my parents so much, I don't like my life the way it is now. I don't want this unhappiness to carry on another year, I feel like I've lost the happy person I once was and I'm scared she'll never come back.  Sorry for rambling but I just need to write it down.

Parents
  • Hi Hope

    I am so sorry you are hurting and you have had lots of support already but just wanted to say my thoughts are with you. Grief is such an emotional rollercoaster and sadly you never really got the chance to grieve for your Dad properly before your Mum became ill and you had to face loss again.  Now dealing with the house and forthcoming anniversaries are causing new sadness to face but take those small steps, hour by hour if needs be and keep chatting on the forum (you have amazingly been supporting others despite your own sadness) when you need to.  I think  you had a counsellor a little while ago and it may be worth re-visiting this option to help you now.  My Dad passed away 6 years ago next month and I can only say that I am sad he is not around to guide me now (he always seemed to have the right way of saying things and dealing with Mum) but the happier memories do find a way through in time.  Draw support from your husband and children and do not be hard on yourself - you have faced huge loss and healing takes everyone differently.  Here if you want to chat - big hugs  Jules xx 

Reply
  • Hi Hope

    I am so sorry you are hurting and you have had lots of support already but just wanted to say my thoughts are with you. Grief is such an emotional rollercoaster and sadly you never really got the chance to grieve for your Dad properly before your Mum became ill and you had to face loss again.  Now dealing with the house and forthcoming anniversaries are causing new sadness to face but take those small steps, hour by hour if needs be and keep chatting on the forum (you have amazingly been supporting others despite your own sadness) when you need to.  I think  you had a counsellor a little while ago and it may be worth re-visiting this option to help you now.  My Dad passed away 6 years ago next month and I can only say that I am sad he is not around to guide me now (he always seemed to have the right way of saying things and dealing with Mum) but the happier memories do find a way through in time.  Draw support from your husband and children and do not be hard on yourself - you have faced huge loss and healing takes everyone differently.  Here if you want to chat - big hugs  Jules xx 

Children
  • Hi Jules,

    Thanks once again for your support.  I've just been really emotional lately and think the house business just sent me into meltdown.  However, thanks to all the wonderful support on here together with meeting up with a friend today, I am feeling a bit better.  I'm sure you will have your own emotions on the anniversary of the death of your Dad next month, I am glad though that time has helped ease your pain and happier memories are now in the forefront of your mind.  Thanks again.  Hope x

  • Hi Hope

    Was pleased to see that you are feeling a little better and agree that chatting through things on the forum certainly seems to help us all as we take differing journeys.  I think the ups and downs just become managable when we are able to take comfort from others who can relate to what we are saying.  Your support to others on the forum is admirable and I for one would miss chatting with you on both the good days and bad ones.  Thank  you for the time you take and wish you a peaceful day (no doubt on half term at present!) - look after yourself.  Jules xx