Do you have a Maggie's centre near you? They give emotional and practical support to families. Sounds like you really need some support for you.

The pandemic has changed so much. And costs are an issue when you've a family to support. 

Counselling can be luck of the draw sometimes. If you don't get a good fit for you (it does happen), sometimes there is a need to try someone else.

There may be other charities that can offer more appropriate support. Maybe you need someone specialising in cancer and its impact on families. I think, given you have teenagers, you may be eligible for some support like that.

I feel you need support as a family here, not just as an individual especially as you are having to shield your children from your husband's ups and downs, which isn't easy. I'm going to post a query to a moderator because I have a couple of charities in mind, but haven't used them personally. They may have access to more information resources. 

Hello Poppy68, 

I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are currently facing. It can't be easy for you and your two teenage boys at the moment to be going through these up and downs on a daily basis. I am glad you have come to this forum though and reached out to others who find themselves in a similar boat. It is normal for both of you to be getting these overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and that these can make you feel guilty too but you are doing an incredible job supporting your family in the best way you can. 

[@RoseStarBlue]‍ has kindly contacted us so we can pass on some resources which may be helpful to you. It's true that in your situation you might benefit from help for your family and for your teenage sons who are going through a lot at the moment. There is a charity called RipRap which specialises in supporting teenagers who have a parent with cancer. RoseStarBlue also mentioned the Ruth Strauss Foundation and they do have a section on their website to help support families who are facing grief and who are looking after a loved one who is terminally ill. You can find out more about their Family Support Service on this page. I thought I would also mention the information that is on our website for Family, Friends and Caregivers which will give you some guidance on how to best support a loved one with cancer whilst also making sure you take time to take care of yourself which certainly isn't easy in your circumstances.

I also wanted to give you and anyone reading this who is facing a difficult time with their partner and feel they are in an abusive relationship some information so that you can get some help and support from other organisations if you wanted to. It's very important to recognise that domestic abuse isn't always about violence, it can also incude emotional abuse and coersive behaviour. You can read more about this and find a lot of helpful information on the Government website.

You might want to call the National Domestic Abuse helpline for a chat. They are available on freephone 0808 2000247, or you can contact them directly from their website. Their expert advisers offer confidential, non-judgmental support and information 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 

You might also find it useful to talk to someone at Relate about the difficulties you are having in your relationship. They offer a range of digital and telephone counselling services, you can call them on 0300 0030396. 

If you'd like to talk things through with one of our team of nurses, they will be happy to listen and offer any advice and support that they can. If you'd like to chat with them they're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 800 4040. 

I hope that being able to talk to others on this thread who understand exactly what you are going through will help you and I just wanted you to know that we are here for you anytime you need to offload and reach out to others going through exactly the same thing at the moment. 

Best wishes, 
Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

Thank you, I will have a think about everything. 
xxx

Hi there sorry to hear message regarding your husband, as we all know cancer can be really tough on people's lives, it's the most unpleasant experience any person can go through, when i came out of my cancer I to was very angry there's no one to blame so it does seem unfair that your partner is treating you this way ,I hope things do get better for you in time and I'm sure they will,

As for my story, I'll keep it short, my partner and I,  had an explosive row verbally,  she said in this argument I hope your cancer comes back, she really could have said anything else, 

How ever my consultant said you can now lead a normal long life, so who do I blame if in the event it did come back. 

For you,  things will improve. 

Good luck beet health  

Victor

How are things now? I could have written your post, going through exactly the same thing at the moment. counsellors don't have a clue what it's like, at least there are people here who can relate.

How are you doing now? Thanks for sharing here this post is a lifeline.

It's so painful & now he's gone I'd do it all again just now dealing with how he was toward me 4 months on then his family started to sort of believe him , yet they did nothing to help & now I've been diagnosed with early stage Endometrial cancer x

I hear all that you are saying and now he's gone I'm floundering and have my own diagnosis ok not as serious hopefully early endometrial cancer x