This thread helped me so much before the actual event. To be fair, my wife isn't being nasty, but she has had a couple of "moments", and those who said, just remove yourself from the situation and let them be, are spot on. I nipped out for 30 mins - 1 hour and upon my return she was completely and utterly fine. Had i stood there and went toe to toe or even showed her rant was irking me, it would have lasted hours on end, and even through to the next day.

Saying that, cancer or not, it doesn't give anyone carte blanche to do or say what the hell they want if they are in full control of all their faculties. Abuse is abuse, no matter what the abuser is living through. The fact is, if someone is being nice to others or singing your praises in front of others, they are fully aware of their awful behaviour.

My partner has turned on me so many times it's soul destroying I am mourning a man & relationship whilst he's still here , my hairs coming out in chunks & his family just don't realise the extent of the abuse x

Thank you!

Just knowing that other people are going through the same thing makes it a bit better

I was given the heads up, that people with Cancer can become nasty, grumpy... Nothing prepared me for it though! He is on Cycle 2 of his Chemo (not too bad side effects so it's not that) Everything I do is wrong, moans - best place for me is work!! And yes I'm going in tomorrow on Bank Holiday  

we are not alone ️ ️

My husband has cancer and at the moment I am maternity leave. He is in total denial if I am honest despite having treatment and he is still holding down his full time job. By the weekend he is exausted and snaps at me and is horrible. I cried last night cause I don't know how to cope sometimes. We have young children and in the week I hold the fort so he can have treatment and still go to work. The consultant gave him the go ahead to work as well - if it helps his mental health. But what about mine. Sometimes I can feel mine rapidly going down the drain cause I have kids and basically feel exausted. Nothing has changed for him despite having cancer- he is working still as much as he ever did- if not more. It's ridiculous. Everyone says to just stop telling him to rest and let him do what he wants. I am pretty cross I am the only person telling him working full time is making our lives a nightmare. He goes to bed by 9pm and by the weekend he is so moody. He had been on steroids for chemo which makes it worse too. He won't discuss his cancer with me. 
 

Feels so hard. 
 

Hello I know exactly how you feel , my partner was horrible too saying cruel stuff to my cats even . He's now left me to live with his mother. I did everything for him to support and he called me selfish because I had a break night out with my family, it's the third time it's happend I'm heart broken I really am . But at the same time I don't miss the abuse , which caused me pain too .

Take care x 

Has anyone here tried speaking to their partner's doctor to see if a change of meds will help. I am at my wits' end. Partner is on cycle 2 of a new chemo regime which comes with a lot of dextamethasone on the side as he had a bad reaction to the chemo last time.  I know he is in pain - but he is just being so angry with me all the time... has currently gone off and barricaded himself into the bedroom. I just don't know what to do. I would speak to his oncologist- but I just hate to think how angry he would get if it got back to him that I had done this...

... just feels like a no win situation?

I had tried calling the mental health team, he just kept saying I'm alright !! Which clearly isn't,  I tried all sorts and have him full support but was never enough .

hope you're ok and trying to look after yourself too! It's an exhausting roll, especially if you're working aswell x 

My husband has AML, this has been going on for 5 years now. I have two teenage boys who really have only known 'ill dad' I shield them constantly from the ups and downs and the nastiness. The leukaemia has now relapsed and isn't responding but they are trying venetoclax which might give him a bit more of a chance. I am so tired. I am so fed up, I'm not very well. My parents both have cancer. I just want it all to be over, I can't live like this forever. If they can get my husband well enough they might try a stem cell transplant and that will be more horror and trauma. We weren't in a good place before all this and now well you can all imagine. I do try to keep things pleasant at home but the effort is literally killing me. I don't know where to turn for help because I sound so nasty thinking like this. He is a cancer surviving hero and I am the one who has lost my future. , hugs to anyone feeling the same xxxx

Do you have a Maggie's centre near you? They give emotional and practical support to families. Sounds like you really need some support for you.

Hi No I'm in the South West. The local Macmillan centre where I went occasionally when this all started closed in the pandemic and it's an hours drive to the main one....and I can't afford that. I see a councellor where I work but that's ending now and she is young and has set cliche lines that dont really mean much to me. 
 

The pandemic has changed so much. And costs are an issue when you've a family to support. 

Counselling can be luck of the draw sometimes. If you don't get a good fit for you (it does happen), sometimes there is a need to try someone else.

There may be other charities that can offer more appropriate support. Maybe you need someone specialising in cancer and its impact on families. I think, given you have teenagers, you may be eligible for some support like that.

I feel you need support as a family here, not just as an individual especially as you are having to shield your children from your husband's ups and downs, which isn't easy. I'm going to post a query to a moderator because I have a couple of charities in mind, but haven't used them personally. They may have access to more information resources. 

The pandemic has changed so much. And costs are an issue when you've a family to support. 

Counselling can be luck of the draw sometimes. If you don't get a good fit for you (it does happen), sometimes there is a need to try someone else.

There may be other charities that can offer more appropriate support. Maybe you need someone specialising in cancer and its impact on families. I think, given you have teenagers, you may be eligible for some support like that.

I feel you need support as a family here, not just as an individual especially as you are having to shield your children from your husband's ups and downs, which isn't easy. I'm going to post a query to a moderator because I have a couple of charities in mind, but haven't used them personally. They may have access to more information resources.