You cannot believe how happy I was to read your post!  I want to shout out, I am not the only one!  
 

i feel really evil for being so upset, he is the one that is ill, but I feel he will not help himself, he is just depressed, depressed, depressed.  
 

he won't eat, won't drink, if I try to push either he gets very cross with me.  This is his second bout and about 18 months after his first bout I heard him tell someone how hard it had been for me!  
 

now, here we are again, and I feel he just will not help himself.  The oncologist actually said I will do my best but you have to do your part too.  
 

what can I do?  

I have been a carer in the community for 33 years , I have seen so many different kinds of cancer and what it does , my partner of 10 years has cancer that has now reached his brain and he has changed into the most nasty person , before this he never had a nasty bone in his body he was beautiful caring loving man , 

I haven't been able to work for a week because he is being so horrible I can't stop crying I never new anyone could cry so much .

he asked me to do something I do it and he snaps at me for doing it , I just don't know what to do for the best anymore. 
he can't stand he isn't eating or drinking he says the house is like a bus station people in and out every 5 minutes just to look at him , but no one has been no one knocks at the door , I just don't know what to do anymore I cry and cry and cry I just can't stop .

I've read everyone's comments and I honestly honestly feel for every single one of you. My lovely partner died last September from terminal lung cancer. We had the prognosis of one year end Feb 2019. I was with him when he passed and I was his full time carer, day and night. Because of Covid I had no help until little over one month before he passed away. We were best buds for years. The he kind of pursued things further and in 2018 we started going out together as partners. Very soon it seemed he became controlling and jealous and I could not do anything right. He went to the Dr as he was always tired, had chest infections, but the Drs fobbed him off every time. As the year went on I became a verbal punchbag it seemed as he would just flare up for no apparent reason, numerous times say it was over etc. I loved him and I thought things would change. They did. In s few months we were fully into a battle with Cancer. He got worse more angry and more controlling. I put up with it because I loved him and realising it was the cancer I made a determined decision to stay right by him. I'm no Saint, nor am I a martyr but just wanting to give whatever support I could. Luckily we have great friends around us. Now he has died I'm left battling against all the crap memories as well as trying to get sleep patterns back. Thank goodness for my lovely little dog. But I feel for all of you going through the same. I read some diaries last night. It brought it all back. I dealt with terrible ***, fists in the face everything. I had made a vow to myself that if he ever laid a hand on me I'd leave. He never did. But I'm realising now that i'm left with mental scars. It leaves you mentally and physically knackered and I mean it when I say Inever want to go into another relationship for as long as I live. I miss him. I loved him very much. It wasn't him. It was the cancer. Im not daft though, I realise he was characteristically a jealous and controlling person, this came from mistrust from failed relationships, our one salvation was we talked to each other and talking is the key. Letting them know they hurt you and I used to tell him when he was out of line, that or just get up and leave the room. He soon learnt. I hated doing it but I told myself it was damage limitation. I soon would come back and by then the cloud had passed. He was frightened and how much can a human brain take to digest the fact you are dying. I can't begin to compute that. So as much as I'd like to say yes leave if things are getting to that point, I findyself telling you to stay. Because they need you. It will test you. It will push you into boundaries you didn't know existed. You will be tired and yes, you will be frightened too. But you can do it. There's help out there for you. People who you can talk to. Stay but not if it turns physical, that's a boundary too far. Sometimes I think he was testing me. To see if I would leave. Why would I when I loved him so much.

My partner was diagnosed with lung cancer its spread to the adrenal gland and iliac bone , I try so hard to be normal, but hes always after an argument.  He was in hospital not long ago and I had a call from a doctor she said I'm sorry but he has month rather than years, this over the phone, I've not told him as he does t want to know anything, I didnt want to know,  he spends all his time in bed because it's the only place he can get comfy. I'm so frightened for us both, but I dont want memories of arguments 

The struggle is so hard. My husband left me because its alt my fault! There’s absolutely notjing you can do to stop somebody so angry being horrible.  I for one am glad he left because id have collapsed by now. Under the weight of his continual cruelty and attempted control.  He had somewhere to go.  I have no useful words for tjose of you who bear this huge weight without the acknowledgement and support of the nhs and many of your friends and relatives. Step away for a few hours as much as you can. Go anywhere. Sit in a cafe and stare out of the window. Wishing you love and strength xx

Thank you x very hard isn't it x they told him his chemo isn't working and the cancer has  spread even more , I can understand his anger but I'm all he has in his life x they're trying another one docetaxel fingers crossed x 

So sorry what you went through x thank you for the reply x

It's so painful & now he's gone I'd do it all again just now dealing with how he was toward me 4 months on then his family started to sort of believe him , yet they did nothing to help & now I've been diagnosed with early stage Endometrial cancer x

It's so painful & now he's gone I'd do it all again just now dealing with how he was toward me 4 months on then his family started to sort of believe him , yet they did nothing to help & now I've been diagnosed with early stage Endometrial cancer x