Hi ladies, wanted to update you on things going on here. So came back from Hawaii, had lost a little weight - which I was pleasantly surprised about. Thought it was due to the large portions out there which had made me feel less hungry. Christmas was busy and I found it quite stressful - put down to jet lag, being away so near Christmas. Weight loss continued - only slowly but again, probably stress. The tiredness continued, as did the slow weight loss - by now I had lost 8lb in around 5 weeks. I wondered if I could ask my GP for a blood test. Maybe that would show why I was tired/ losing weight. Couldn't get through. So a work colleague suggested I called the breast nurse, if I was worried. Gave them a call, explained that I was probably wasting their time but told them about tiredness, weight loss and she asked if i had also been feeling out of breath - i had! i asked if id be able to have a blood test. She said I needed to come in and they got me an appointment for the next week. Saw the nurse specialist. She did a breast examine and found a couple of lumps. Thinks they maybe fat necrosis so booked me in to have an ultrasound. Listened to my chest and said she wanted me to go straight for a chest X-ray. She also booked me in for a CT scan and blood test. She said 99% of the time, it's nothing and I did feel quite calm about it all. I have had the chest X-ray and blood test. Ultrasound is on Tuesday, CT scan on Thursday. Still steadily losing weight - which to be honest I'm quite liking! I needed to shift around half a stone and had been struggling to shift it for the past 2 years!! 
So I'm in that waiting limbo land again. Most of the time I'm feeling positive and sure there's a none sinister explanation. Other times I am convinced I have cancer in my lung, or my liver or my stomach (damn Dr Google). You were both so good at support when we went through our battles - over 3 years ago, so I felt you'd understand my fears. I have told a few friends and husband about my tests but I think I play it down so not to worry them. Also think they don't understand why I would be worried.  Part of me wishes I'd never called the nurse. Today I was planning my funeral! I have that little voice in my head warning me it's going to be bad and then I think I don't want those results!

Anyway, thank you for reading and allowing me to off load. Hopefully get through next week and then get positive news! 
Caroline xx

Oh Caroline!

What a bummer!  I can imagine exactly how you're feeling! I'm glad you asked the breast nurse, because if it is something that needs tackling, the sooner you get started the better, but I feel for you going through all that waiting and testing and worrying again.  I remember that part more than anything else and it is such a drain on you when you want to be strong enough to face whatever awaits.  
I'm not going to say it's probably nothing because that won't help. All I can say is you have started the ball rolling to get rid of what might or might not be there and that's a good thing. You are stronger than you think and if it is nothing, hooray for the weight loss, and if it is something you will cope and will deal with it in your own way.

I'm rooting for you and keeping everything crossed for a good result.

Please keep us in the loop, and stay positive! 
 

lots of love
 

Christine xx

Caroline

Hi, managed to miss your note about Hawaii…sounds fab but so sorry you were feeling so low, you do have a lot going on so easy for these things to creep up on you.

And now this (hopefully) scare, you really don’t deserve it.  I really hope the results come through speedily and full marks for getting something done about it, all too often (and I have been guilty in the past) we just let things trickle along.

Impressed you’re managing to stay positive - always a good sign I think, its really annoying I find (and I see it in a DIEP facebook group I’m part of) that our minds ‘let’ us assume the worst in many unknown situations…does make me think something must be wrong with my mind as I’ve generally gone into medical situations gung ho!

I really hope all is well and hear lots of stories (on the FB group) about fat necrosis after the recon so my fingers are well and truly crossed for you.

On a lighter note (just can’t help myself) and talking of holidays and stuff have been in full organisation mode, making the most of that big London nearby, my London/south bucket list is quite extensive now.  Visit to the Royal Opera House was interesting (Magic Flute now not in my top 10 operas!  Nice looking place though…), off too the Globe to see Titus Andronicus Monday (don’t like/appreciate Shakespeare but like a new experience - far too ill educated for such matters, this one was my mothers suggestion as lots of savagery…she knows what I like!), saw a fab documentary about Gershwins Rhapsody in Blue over Christmas and had a hankering to hear in real like so am off to the Royal College of Music.  

On the down side I have my very annoying ex-next door neighbour (she's renting out the house now). visiting next weekend, she’s a total pain in the bum but I put up with her to maintain neighbourly relations…she will be dumped big time once I move.  Trying to organise lots to do so I don’t have to talk to her any more than I need to…devious eh?

Am considering starting to do some voluntary work (decided it will be far too challenging to fit any time in for any type of work (!) given I only have a couple of afternoons free each week now that means I don’t lose any exercising/meal time/fannying around time all of which are top priority, obviously….looking at local animal charities.  Did enquire after some dog walking jobs but my (very practical!) two seater car not suitable….all the dog walking places want you to walk many hounds at once, me, I just want one or two pups that I can pick up and return to their houses, not how things seem to work nowadays apparently and really can’t be bothered with all the admin that doing it for myself would entail (insurance, registration etc.).

Enough about me (favourite subject)….really glad you got in for all the tests (full marks to your nursing pal who helped get the ball rolling) and please do let us know how you get on and try to distract yourself from catastrophizing (easier said than done I know).

Will be thinking of you X

PS. Hope your car started Christine!

Hi Sam,

Yes, the car started that day but after the recent snow, it refused to start on a supermarket car park. I had switched the lights on because of rain, but forgot to switch them off when I parked.  If I had parked with another car in front of me I would have seen the reflection but I parked at right angles to all the other cars with my front wheels up against a kerb! After a nice long mooch around the store I came out to find my battery had died!  To cut a very long and tedious story short, eventually one of the many men I asked, did have jump leads and was happy to start my car for me!  Not as horrible an experience as it could have been because I met a lot of nice sympathetic people offering to push start me - problem, automatic gearbox and front wheels up against a curb! 
You might have had a lucky escape from dog walking, it isn't a job for anyone less than strong, hale and hearty!  I struggle sometimes if Archie and Bobbin want to drag me off my feet, and they are only little.

Its nice to hear you are becoming a bit of a culture vulture!  Opera is my favourite music, 

Caroline, good luck for tomorrow x

love

Christine xx

HI y'all

its so nice to read such positive comments from this wonderful tribe of people, I couldn't help but respond to your message as like you I am recently diagnosed with bowel cancer - not very glamerous!!  

I sense that for many of us sharing our circumstances, diagnoisis and tips is a great way to feel more in control and simply knowing you are not alone can be so uplifting and stop some of those negative vibes getting a hold.  

I would pay good money to see Hugh Grant, older, grayer with his specs on his nose playing the wine waiter!!

I wish all a great evening and keep posting

fx

Hi Fran,

Glad you like our positivity! It's the only way to go.  The worst time, I think, is before treatment when your brain won't stop drifting to worse case scenarios.  I've just read your other posts and you sound just like we were at that stage,  if you read any of our messages to each other in the beginning, it was a lovely way for us to be positive, talking to people in the same situation, who weren't into doom and gloom. 
Luckily, you haven't got too long to wait until the little so and so is gone!  I know so many people who are living their lives fully and healthily, having had their cancer removed at the earliest stage. It's amazing how quickly life gets back to normal after recovering from the surgery.
 

Sorry about your arthritis, I have osteoarthritis, not as bad as rheumatoid, I know, but I could do without it. Hopefully, you'll get your PIP sorted.  I'm an old dear, so I just get my pension and glad, too. The only way I will be entitled to anything extra will be when I'm on my last legs, so I'll happily do without it.

Sadly as you have probably seen, one of our trio is back to the waiting and worrying stage. I'm sure that whatever the tests show, she will take it in her stride and will keep smiling. 

Good luck for the 13th (just had to check it wasn't a Friday) Phew!

Hugh Grant hasn't aged well, I fear. 

love

Christine xx

Morning all

Hope hospital visit is bearable Caroline and you're bearing up.  Are you taking it easy otherwise as you do seem to have quite hectic family/work commitments? Though we're close we are not wonder woman....

Hi Fran, glad you've enjoyed our ramblings....they help and entertain us, a win-win in my book, and if they help others then maybe that's a win-win-win?

Christine, that blummin Shakespeare was SUCH hard work and wasn't technically at the globe, probably best it was the Sam wannamaker playhouse as it was a bit nippy.....the bard is deffo not for this philistine! But an experience none the less.

Xx

Hi ladies, so ultrasound went well! She couldn't find anything that looked sinister. She said the lumps were muscle :laugh: so I am blaming my arm workouts at the gym! So that was a massive relief! CT on Thursday then hopefully results and positive so I can slip back into normal life!! 
Love you guys - your messages have perked me up, as usual! 
Caroline x

Whoopeee!!!  Can't wait to hear Thursday. I am up early today as I am going on a silent protest at our health trust headquarters to protest at them taking the contract off our  current wonderful health centre team and giving it to a multi centre company!  Our doctor says she won't stay if they go ahead and we don't want to lose her.  It feels like I'm back to my student days!  I'm always up for a good protest !