I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi girls,

Sam, paint stripper didn't do it, but my daughter and I sat at distance in her garden and shared a can of Strongbow, and raised our glasses to the end of your treatment. Now all we can do is to hope that we are all now free of our unwanted guest for the foreseeable future!

I believe the mammogram I'm booked for in September is for the other breast, to make sure there is no recurrence in there. If there is, and I have to go through the nuisance of mastectomy again I will definitely want to crown my surgeon! I all but offered to pay him to do them both at the same time!

I suppose we will have to keep an eye on things in the future, but I honestly can't imagine myself worrying about it coming back, either another primary in the second breast, or secondaries elsewhere.  What I do foresee is my saying "F*** this" and stopping the Letrozole if I get too many pains.  I am aware that the side effects can appear further down the line, Chriss has written about the aromatase inhibitor she was on destroying her bones, I'm not having any of that!  I'll take my chances and deal with the future in the same way I've dealt with it up to now.  "If you can fix it, get on with it, if you can't, just keep me pain free!"  
 

It hasn't got to that yet, a few headaches and achy bones are not going to get me down,  I'm hoping this beautiful early Spring will be followed by an equally beautiful Summer and I have still more than a thousand ebooks to read in the garden. If, as I fear, we get the usual wet season I will stay indoors and paint!

it feels like we have come to the end of our journey together, now you have finished the worst of your treatments, Sam.  I suspect we will not be posting on here with the same regularity now we are all getting on with the rest of our lives, but I would like to think I will still get the odd email saying "someone has commented on a thread you are following" And, needless to say, I will be reporting anything new from this end.

Have a great future! Stay safe, for Dog's sake don't go getting the dreaded Covid now, after going through your cancer adventure!

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hello ladies
All is good here, still sore and tired but hopefully at or approaching peak of post rads side effects.  So odd to think the merry go round of cancer related appointments/meetings/treatments is broadly done and dusted...I wonder how long the monthly zolodex injections will last (until my ovaries are so prune like you wouldn't believe it I reckon) and also have to start the 6 monthly bisphosphonates...chasing that tomorrow when have next zolodex.

I've been (surprisingly for me) reflecting back as things pretty much draw to a close and I consider myself "lucky" in that due to CV there isn't a "normal" life to be thrust back into so certainly don't feel pressured to do so.  I am going to take a month to fully recover, have some me-time and clean what is a disgustingly mucky house! The latter may well take all month actually...
So I'll start thinking about work return, the old routines and arranging celebrations with pals (though do wish this one could be bought forward) after MY month.

I'm definitely more emotional, particularly when I reflect how much friends & family really rose to the occasion (despite the distance for a lot of them) to provide whatever support they could, sending me lots of gifts and rude cards as well as all the laughs emanating from the whatsapp group I set up at the beginning to keep everybody updated, chucked everybody off the latter Saturday night...my sister commented that it was like watching Annie slowly drop into the molten metal in terminator as 1 by 1 friends & family were removed..ha! And thinking about the support, sharing and welcome I got on-line in these forums makes me quite happy in a teary kind of way too (thanks to you both for this, its really much appreciated)...its really important. Bloody hormone tablets...giving me emotions!!

I do understand it is very personal but I am not concerned about recurrence, I do think I'm well in the minority here (and Christine is too) and am odd in this and many other respects too (what was I saying about Christine?? Ha!).
 

Caroline - hope your cancer funded air con is being put to good use, I've had my bedroom windows fully open for last 2 weeks (they're sash so can let a lot of air in and are broken so once they're open it need 2 armed strength to shut again!) which has been very welcome and will be vvv jealous of you when we get the 30+ degree days later on (thanks global warming).  

My equivalent of your post treatment "gift" is (or will be) a handbag from the lovely boyfriend. As need to touch & feel such purchases will need to wait till retail is up & running but its not like the new arm candy is missing any fabby nights out is it? I do hope the hospital & supermarket appreciate the boyfriend's investment/help to the economy.

Good work is calm, lets hope it stays that way eh?  Love a good book, just started reading one about mudlarking on the Thames, not my usual choice but fascinating and highly recommended (think in my old age am getting interested in things that I should like history & stuff...makes a change from serial murder/crime fiction!).

Christine - hope your headaches have subsided and achy bones are more behaving themselves, as well as those naughty knees of course!  I bet you're spending quite a few hours outside eh?  I'm in the garden a bit but the whole palaver of sun cream, sun brolly etc combined with a right hand side that still isn't where it should be means am often indoors...and probably better as am bra free! I do like my neighbours and don't want to terrify them too much.

Don't worry re CV, think that would be a breeze compared to cancer!  But will still be careful...promise!! Mainly as the boyfriend is still convinced it will kill him (100% hypochondriac)...and I'd be sort of guilty if I killed him that way, plus can think up so many better ways to despatch of him...

So next "meeting" is the open access follow up one mid Sept (my expectations are low!).

Wish my body would hurry up and heal...there's window boxes and hanging baskets that are not going to plant themselves!

Hope you're both doing well and I will be in touch....I'll let you know when the cushions are finished (!!).

Thanks again to you both!

Sam X

Caroline

Just so you get notified re my most recent post!

Sam X

Ladies,

I just want to say, we are damn tough cookies who have whipped cancers ***!! I too, have loved your support, hearing your tales of what you have been up to in your life and journeys. 
Now it is onward and upwards!! Keep enjoying life, doing the things you enjoy and look after yourselves. 
Sam, take it easy. Good to hear you are taking a month to recover and clean (!!) and getting a lovely new handbag - can never have too many bags or shoes.

Christine, keep your painting going, watch the hearing aids don't get left near the dog!! I hope your aches and pains ease and you are enjoying your garden/neighbours and family (still makes me smile how they wouldn't let you do anything!)

You will be pleased to know that my air con is amazing but poor hubby usually wakes up freezing. I turn it on before we go to bed, to cool the room down, then switch it off. But I've had to set the timer so it comes on around 1:30am as my hot sweats seem to be starting earlier! Oh how I crave a decent nights sleep! 
Please do stay in touch!! I already miss seeing your messages!! Enjoy the summer, let's hope CV doesn't scupper too much. 
Much love

Caroline xx

Hi girls, Yorkshire_defector1 and cazrosie 

Nice to hear how you are both doing as we approach normal life post cancer, shame about the normality being a bit cockeyed because of Covid19. 

I am glad you are apparently recovering well from the rads, Sam, I hope being emotional isn't too hard for you, it seems to be a common result of taking all the hormones. I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to feel a bit more emotional than usual after what you have experienced over the last months. Note I said experienced, not suffered, because as you say, some things have been lovely, like the support you had from your family and friends, so it hasn't all been bad.  Let me know how you go on with the Bisphosphonates, I've refused them so far.  I'm not worried about the Covid, but I'm again the victim of my children's fears, so I won't be going anywhere soon, even if lockdown is easing.  Actually, there was something in the news recently saying the R rate is increasing here in the North West, so I will stay put until it is really safe to go out and about.

Caroline,  there is nothing cosier than being wrapped up warm in a room that is cooled by an air conditioner. We had them for many years when living abroad and my daughter has them in her living room and bedroom.  I would have welcomed one over the last week or two but I had to make do with an open window and a fan. 

I'm glad to say my headaches and other aches and pains seem to be in remission for now.  I am like a different person when I'm pain free. I happened to say to my daughter a week or so ago, that I'd forgotten to tell her my headaches had eased, but she said she knew. When I asked how, she said because I'd stopped moaning about them! The knees are doing well, too. I am walking without pain because of the exercises, and it's nice to be able to take Archie out more than once a day, now, although the pain still comes and bites me sometimes at night. If it is bad enough,  I get up and take a pill but usually I'm too lazy to get up and fall asleep again.

I am being very good about locking the hearing aids away when I take them out, so Archie can't get them, no accidents, yet, although I have been known to forget which of the four boxes I put them in, as I go from room to room searching for them!

I am still painting, Caroline, I have done a colourful landscape with heeland coo, (highland cow) in acrylics this week. It only took a couple of days because the paints dry so quickly.  I suspect it is one I'm going to lose to my daughter because she never usually says much about my paintings, but the ones she does comment on usually end up at her house and when I showed it to her on FaceTime this morning she was very complimentary about it.  I have finally succumbed to the pleasure of listening to an audio book while I do my painting. It's great not having to choose between my two favourite pastimes. I listened to The Brightest Star in the Sky, by Marian Keyes, a hilariously funny book with the strangest of plots! The narrator was excellent, which is very important.  I have abandoned a few audio books because the narration was not to my taste.

I have an appointment booked for next month at the breast clinic, presumably, the delayed six month checkup, so I will definitely report to you both when (if) it happens.

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy!

Love

Christine xxx

HI y'all

its so nice to read such positive comments from this wonderful tribe of people, I couldn't help but respond to your message as like you I am recently diagnosed with bowel cancer - not very glamerous!!  

I sense that for many of us sharing our circumstances, diagnoisis and tips is a great way to feel more in control and simply knowing you are not alone can be so uplifting and stop some of those negative vibes getting a hold.  

I would pay good money to see Hugh Grant, older, grayer with his specs on his nose playing the wine waiter!!

I wish all a great evening and keep posting

fx

Hi Fran,

Glad you like our positivity! It's the only way to go.  The worst time, I think, is before treatment when your brain won't stop drifting to worse case scenarios.  I've just read your other posts and you sound just like we were at that stage,  if you read any of our messages to each other in the beginning, it was a lovely way for us to be positive, talking to people in the same situation, who weren't into doom and gloom. 
Luckily, you haven't got too long to wait until the little so and so is gone!  I know so many people who are living their lives fully and healthily, having had their cancer removed at the earliest stage. It's amazing how quickly life gets back to normal after recovering from the surgery.
 

Sorry about your arthritis, I have osteoarthritis, not as bad as rheumatoid, I know, but I could do without it. Hopefully, you'll get your PIP sorted.  I'm an old dear, so I just get my pension and glad, too. The only way I will be entitled to anything extra will be when I'm on my last legs, so I'll happily do without it.

Sadly as you have probably seen, one of our trio is back to the waiting and worrying stage. I'm sure that whatever the tests show, she will take it in her stride and will keep smiling. 

Good luck for the 13th (just had to check it wasn't a Friday) Phew!

Hugh Grant hasn't aged well, I fear. 

love

Christine xx

Morning all

Hope hospital visit is bearable Caroline and you're bearing up.  Are you taking it easy otherwise as you do seem to have quite hectic family/work commitments? Though we're close we are not wonder woman....

Hi Fran, glad you've enjoyed our ramblings....they help and entertain us, a win-win in my book, and if they help others then maybe that's a win-win-win?

Christine, that blummin Shakespeare was SUCH hard work and wasn't technically at the globe, probably best it was the Sam wannamaker playhouse as it was a bit nippy.....the bard is deffo not for this philistine! But an experience none the less.

Xx

Hi ladies, so ultrasound went well! She couldn't find anything that looked sinister. She said the lumps were muscle :laugh: so I am blaming my arm workouts at the gym! So that was a massive relief! CT on Thursday then hopefully results and positive so I can slip back into normal life!! 
Love you guys - your messages have perked me up, as usual! 
Caroline x

Whoopeee!!!  Can't wait to hear Thursday. I am up early today as I am going on a silent protest at our health trust headquarters to protest at them taking the contract off our  current wonderful health centre team and giving it to a multi centre company!  Our doctor says she won't stay if they go ahead and we don't want to lose her.  It feels like I'm back to my student days!  I'm always up for a good protest !

Whoopeee!!!  Can't wait to hear Thursday. I am up early today as I am going on a silent protest at our health trust headquarters to protest at them taking the contract off our  current wonderful health centre team and giving it to a multi centre company!  Our doctor says she won't stay if they go ahead and we don't want to lose her.  It feels like I'm back to my student days!  I'm always up for a good protest !