Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Just to say, I have not had "problems "  with the nurses as they are not  there!!  We atend James Cook for his prosthetic leg, not treatment for cancer.   Thanks for the thoughts and I'm happy all is going well for you. Caz. 

We both have a good night again and this helps us both.  I come down to make tea and my TV won't work.  I can't cope with no television! !  I change the batteries in the control, nothing, it won't work with the buttons either,  disaster!!  My lovely neighbour comes in and re-boots it and we have a picture.   What would I do without him?  Hubby has opened up his wound again and nothing is healing properly.  It's freezing cold and crisp and deep and even!  We will not be going far today.  So I'm sat watching a black and white movie and munching on a custard tart.  See you tomorrow. 

We are not in a good place today, or a good mood.  Before I say something about smoking related lung cancer and regret it, I'm keeping my head down and enjoying my own counsel.   See you tomorrow. 

Take care Caz, look after yourself. 

Hello caz.  I have just spent much of the afternoon and early evening reading all your posts.  Thank you for taking the time to do this.  I have not had cancer myself but have seen family and friends through it, including my mum (quite some time ago now) and the father of my son.  I have no amazing comment to make or conclusion to draw; just wanted to say thank you for your posts.

Thanks for the lovely thoughts.  This forum is a blessing. Xx

I appreciate your time and thoughtful comments.   It is harder today than it was ten months ago.  I can't even be bothered to speak to anyone, I'm sick of not being me. Cancer is a killer in more ways than one.  Xx

Could you do with a bit of a break, even just a night away might help?

That would be lovely, but he won't admit that he needs help, so I can't leave him on his own.  It must be a macho thing. 

That would be lovely, but he won't admit that he needs help, so I can't leave him on his own.  It must be a macho thing. 

Pardon me for interfering when I have only just read your posts but could you present him with a fait accompli by having your daughter and her family (I read where they visited previously) arrive to care for him for 24 hours while you have a break.  Being family it would not be so bad hopefully!

My daughters have offered but they live hundreds of miles away and have young children aged five and six.  School, jobs, husband's who work long hours and hubby would feel bad wrenching them away.  Today is a better day.Thanks for the advice. Caz.x

Today is a better day, apart from the  blizzard    I don't want to talk about yesterday as everything was against us and because I have been a little unwell myself my patience was stretched to breaking point.Lovely people on this forum have offered advice and thoughts and that helped me a great deal.  A good night's sleep and I feel calmer today and hubby,  although in pain is also happier in his frame of mind.  Because we don't know where we are with the effects of the treatment our heads are in a muddle.  We have to get through the next few weeks and even if the news is not good, we will cope with the known rather than the unknown.  Lots of tea, warmth and Sunday Papers are keeping us occupied, suduko for me, cross word puzzles for him.  Sister in law calls, nephew going in for op on his knee tomorrow so we will try and see him Wednesday.  Blood test results and wound checking tomorrow if we can get off the drive.  Hopefully my lovely neighbour will help, either without asking or if I need to.  It's snowing in Surrey but son in law has still managed a bike ride, he is competing in the French 1,200mile bike ride next month,  he raises a lot of money for charity and has to practice for hours each day.  Take care all of you I am content today and I can't ask for more than that.  See you tomorrow. Xx

Glad you’re feeling a bit better Caz. Look after yourself. 

Thanks for caring, it's lonely being a Carer especially at this time of the year!!  

I’m on the other end of this but I’ve

been where you are to some extent. 

I know the area between Barnard Castle and North Yorkshire (which you have mentioned in your posts) although I haven't been there much recently.  I was born in the North East and we often travelled through Weardale and Teesdale for things like bramble picking and visiting a relative in Brampton.  Also I used to go to Leyburn quite a bit to see a friend there.  A couple of years ago my sister and I rented a house in Alston for two weeks, stopping off at Barnard Castle en route and it was lovely.  But the moors can be bleak in bad weather.  I seem to remember a great aunt ran the post office in Irishopeburn but that was when I was very young. Not sure why I am telling you this but as you get older you think of the simpler times of our youth!  It has been a very wet day in London and the washing machine, which really needs replacing, has packed up.  I am trying to see if the filter is blocked but realise that although I have watched others do it I really don't know how to do it myself.  Dog and I have just had a snooze on the settee and just thought I would say hello.

That is so of you to tell me your knowledge of our area.   We had a caravan at Slaggyford near Alston and I spent a lot of good weekends there with my brother. it's certainly very snowy and cold here at the moment and difficult to get about.  I was brought up in Chingford and ended North because of my Father's business.   I hated it compared to my happy warm Southern life but eventually met and married a Northerner,  had two girls, who  graduated and went South,  married  and stayed there!  Life is funny when you think about it and I love the North but lover  going South.  This has not happened for over a year due to cancer ruling my life.  I miss travelling but can't see me going very far at all as hubby is too unwell to leave.  Keep in touch it's lovely to know other forum users background.   Love Carol

Another cold snowy day, this makes it difficult for us to get about.  I patch him up, he's toe is really painful and we are back to seeing the nurse today so she can check it.  I bump into two of my zumba friends at the surgery, one has torn tendons inher knee the other has had a cold, flu and now sinitus has set in, I try to chat but am aware that I am backing away gradually,  I don't need her germs!!!  Crikey I am so careful around people I'm  sure they think I am not interested in talking to them anymore,  which is not true but as we all know cancer rules our lives,even down to how we handle friends.  Hubby declares that he needs to go back into his wheelchair to help the wounds heal.  I don't comment because I know he won't.   We get home,shall I get the chair out for you?  No I'll give it a bit longer, I know him better than himself  .  His blood test is fine for sugar which is one good bit of news.  We are home now and it's so cold we will not be going anywhere else today.  Is it too early for dressing gown and slippers?   Only joking, I need to feel in control and you never know who might call. See you tomorrow. 

I get up ready for zumba but hubby has a large swelling on his elbow and the surgery won't see him until the first week of February.   I ring again, that is not good enough,  he has cancer,  open wounds a prosthetic leg and they want to leave  him in pain again.  I ask if we can go private but it is now two hours since I called and as promised no one has called me back.   Hubby is upset, he is stopping me from leading a life he says,  I tell him what is done is done and we have no choice but to go with how he is feeling.  This is why he gets cross because he is aware that life is being ruled by his illness and you always take it out on the one you love.   Our nephew had his knee op yesterday,  a plate and six pins, he is a PGA golfer and needs both legs, so it's a big thing for him.  He texts to say he has had to stay overnight as every time he stands up he faints!  He is so like my brother, his Dad, that I smile to myself,  he can't stand,  doctors,  demtists or blood.   I had to have a blood transfusion once and the nurse had to drape a tea towel over the bag so he didn't faint when he visited!!  Anyway I'll give them another hour and I will call again, I know reception have a hard job but hubby is having a harder life. See you tomorrow.