In a bad place.

First of all I want to say thank you Brian for your kind words on the thread that Ghost posted. It is nice to be thought about and after those brief posts I decided to follow my own advice and write about the bad place I feel I am in right now.

As some will know I have lost many friends and loved ones to cancer over the years with last year being the worst.  It was difficult watching my Dad get sicker but I feel I was actually dealing with things relatively well and even after he died in May I have coped about as well as anyone could expect although I still do mourn him because I miss him so much.  Unfortunately my Aunty died last November and it feels like her passing was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Ever since I feel like a fundementally different person!

I don't just have less patience I am actually just plain angry a lot of the time.  I look at things differently in a way that nothing seems all that important and I find it hard to put in the full effort to work and things in general that I have always given in the past.  My mind is constantly full of thoughts and feelings that will not go away no matter how I try to reason with them or sort them out in my head. I just feel different and what scares me the most is that because of my state of mind I feel differently about the the one person who has given me such great support through everything - my wife. She is such a wonderful person and has done nothing to deserve ending up with me not being the same person she married.  My Mum said a couple of years ago that "grief does funny things to people" and she was speaking from experience although I didn't fully appreciate what she meant at the time.

I have tried to concentrate on the positives in my life, of which there are many but it seems to make no difference.  Even when I read what difficult times others are going through, Beaker83 for instance, I feel guilty for wallowing in my own selfish thoughts when others are are so much worse off but even then I just revert back to my own petty problems and wrap myself back up in self pity.

Hopefully I may feel a little better for writing this and let me just thank you for reading.

Take care everyone.

Garf. 

Parents
  • Hello Garf

    I have just read you post and I am so sorry to hear of the sad loss of your much loved dad and your aunts and I can fully recognise that you are in a bad place right now.  I lost my lovely husband to Malignant Melanoma last October, we were married for 45 years and just about to retire but it wasnt to be.  I know that anger that you feel  and like you nothing seems important anymore and I am fundamentally a very different t person.  Your mum is quite right grief does do strange things to you but this is the whole process of grieving. I was so angry at my lovely David for dying I remember screaming on one bad day that I was having "how dare you leave me" bless him he couldn't help dying. Like you I am now in the process of desperately trying to look for the positives in life.

    Garf do one thing for me go and put your arms around the one person who has stood by you, tell her you love her explain what this grief is doing to you, hold her and kiss her and just love her.  I was so in love with my lovely David and every day we told each other we loved each other, I used to wrap my arms around him and just hold him I would give anything to have just one more of his hugs

    Don't beat yourself up Garf just recognise that you are grieving and if you want to talk some more I am here

    Take care look after yourself

    Beryl xx

  • Beryl,

    Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

    Even with everything and everyone cancer has taken from me I just can't imagine the pain you have felt at losing your husband to this hideous disease.

    I promise to do what you ask and when I get home after work I will give my wife a big hug and try and explain what is going on with me right now. And thankyou for the offer of being there if I need to talk.  Between yourself and Brain and everyone else on this site there is no shortage of support.  What a great place this site is!

    Take good care.

    Garf. x

Reply
  • Beryl,

    Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

    Even with everything and everyone cancer has taken from me I just can't imagine the pain you have felt at losing your husband to this hideous disease.

    I promise to do what you ask and when I get home after work I will give my wife a big hug and try and explain what is going on with me right now. And thankyou for the offer of being there if I need to talk.  Between yourself and Brain and everyone else on this site there is no shortage of support.  What a great place this site is!

    Take good care.

    Garf. x

Children
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