In a bad place.

First of all I want to say thank you Brian for your kind words on the thread that Ghost posted. It is nice to be thought about and after those brief posts I decided to follow my own advice and write about the bad place I feel I am in right now.

As some will know I have lost many friends and loved ones to cancer over the years with last year being the worst.  It was difficult watching my Dad get sicker but I feel I was actually dealing with things relatively well and even after he died in May I have coped about as well as anyone could expect although I still do mourn him because I miss him so much.  Unfortunately my Aunty died last November and it feels like her passing was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Ever since I feel like a fundementally different person!

I don't just have less patience I am actually just plain angry a lot of the time.  I look at things differently in a way that nothing seems all that important and I find it hard to put in the full effort to work and things in general that I have always given in the past.  My mind is constantly full of thoughts and feelings that will not go away no matter how I try to reason with them or sort them out in my head. I just feel different and what scares me the most is that because of my state of mind I feel differently about the the one person who has given me such great support through everything - my wife. She is such a wonderful person and has done nothing to deserve ending up with me not being the same person she married.  My Mum said a couple of years ago that "grief does funny things to people" and she was speaking from experience although I didn't fully appreciate what she meant at the time.

I have tried to concentrate on the positives in my life, of which there are many but it seems to make no difference.  Even when I read what difficult times others are going through, Beaker83 for instance, I feel guilty for wallowing in my own selfish thoughts when others are are so much worse off but even then I just revert back to my own petty problems and wrap myself back up in self pity.

Hopefully I may feel a little better for writing this and let me just thank you for reading.

Take care everyone.

Garf. 

Parents
  • Brian,

    Thank you so much, you are always there for me and so many other people and I appreciate the offer of help and I promise to come back as and when I feel able.  They say there is no instruction manual for life and it is so true.  Having said that it does sometimes feel like we are tring to get through life blindfolded, hands tied together while trying to cross a minefield.  My very best to you and your family, I hope your Dad is o.k.

    Tinkestral,

    Firstly I am sorry my post made you feel like crying and also for the family you have lost to this disease although the loss of your son must be so difficult. I just couldn't imagine the pain as I am not a Father. I understand that your Dad became a bitter man and I also understand what you say about sharing the feelings of anger and how our feelings affect the people we love.  You are right in that my wife does love me and yes she probably loves me far more than I realize, I just wish I knew how to get myself out of this mental ditch I have got myself into and make myself worthy again of being married to her.  What strength you have to say life is ok when you have the shadow of maybe having cancer hanging over you, especially after all you have been through. Take care and plese keep us up do date on how things are.

  • Awwww garff I wish I had a magic wand because life is so unfair . There are so many people I would help because it never happens to who it should , well it shouldn't happen to any one really .

    Some times I come across not so caring but I am but that anger was me and I said and done some pretty awful things. I suppose it's like baby steps, make your wife a cuppa and smile because that's a brill start and a smile can say and mend a thousand things words can't . Here's hoping u have a good day x

Reply
  • Awwww garff I wish I had a magic wand because life is so unfair . There are so many people I would help because it never happens to who it should , well it shouldn't happen to any one really .

    Some times I come across not so caring but I am but that anger was me and I said and done some pretty awful things. I suppose it's like baby steps, make your wife a cuppa and smile because that's a brill start and a smile can say and mend a thousand things words can't . Here's hoping u have a good day x

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