I was diagnosed in January with non Hodgson lymphoma.  Its stage 4.

I don't know how long i have and I don't want to know. We have got to the end of a summer that I wasn't sure I would live through. The winter is coming. I hate winter.

My mind just won't leave the question of 'was that my last one' alone. All i want to do is cry.

I have decided to keep my illness secret from my friends. My family know but I can't talk to them. The desolation on their faces is too much.

I feel alone hopeless and empty. I honestly don't know if this is a life I want to hold onto. It just hurts so much.