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Today I can't cope

Richard_john
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I was diagnosed in January with non Hodgson lymphoma.  Its stage 4.

I don't know how long i have and I don't want to know. We have got to the end of a summer that I wasn't sure I would live through. The winter is coming. I hate winter.

My mind just won't leave the question of 'was that my last one' alone. All i want to do is cry.

I have decided to keep my illness secret from my friends. My family know but I can't talk to them. The desolation on their faces is too much.

I feel alone hopeless and empty. I honestly don't know if this is a life I want to hold onto. It just hurts so much. 

Parents

  • Hi Richard

    I can empathise with you. Ive been through a lot of your days and with the seasons changing it brings some foreboding. If you gradually let your friends know you may find support, usually from the least likely of them. Dont face this alone and do talk to your family about it. Ignore the desolation on faces thingy they will get used to it. Depression is common amongst cancer patients so dont be afraid to ask for help to treat it. Life is too precious not to hold onto, there will be better days ahead so look forward to them. 

    Ed

Reply

  • Hi Richard

    I can empathise with you. Ive been through a lot of your days and with the seasons changing it brings some foreboding. If you gradually let your friends know you may find support, usually from the least likely of them. Dont face this alone and do talk to your family about it. Ignore the desolation on faces thingy they will get used to it. Depression is common amongst cancer patients so dont be afraid to ask for help to treat it. Life is too precious not to hold onto, there will be better days ahead so look forward to them. 

    Ed

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