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Today I can't cope

Richard_john
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I was diagnosed in January with non Hodgson lymphoma.  Its stage 4.

I don't know how long i have and I don't want to know. We have got to the end of a summer that I wasn't sure I would live through. The winter is coming. I hate winter.

My mind just won't leave the question of 'was that my last one' alone. All i want to do is cry.

I have decided to keep my illness secret from my friends. My family know but I can't talk to them. The desolation on their faces is too much.

I feel alone hopeless and empty. I honestly don't know if this is a life I want to hold onto. It just hurts so much. 

Parents
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    Hi Richard. Sorry to hear you feel so down. You are not alone. I know what you mean about putting a brave face on. It gets lonely inside your own head. The Macmillan helpline are great for talking to. You can email them too. I found it easier writing down. I didn't tell anyone I had lung cancer at the beginning. I did tell a couple of friends after a few weeks.  They were very supportive and helped me stay positive. I'm sending you some positive vibes and a massive hug. Please talk to someone. Hope you feel a bit better soon. Take care

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    Hi Richard. Sorry to hear you feel so down. You are not alone. I know what you mean about putting a brave face on. It gets lonely inside your own head. The Macmillan helpline are great for talking to. You can email them too. I found it easier writing down. I didn't tell anyone I had lung cancer at the beginning. I did tell a couple of friends after a few weeks.  They were very supportive and helped me stay positive. I'm sending you some positive vibes and a massive hug. Please talk to someone. Hope you feel a bit better soon. Take care

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