I cannot accept my dad has gone

Hi, my dad passed away 13 days ago, I know it is still raw as it wasn't long ago but I cannot accept he has gone and don't think I ever will. I cannot grasp the thought that he will never be part of my life or my children's life ever, and never be there to help me with anything. How can it be possible that I will never see or hear him again! He was 58 but 40 in the head and heart. He was diagnosed with lung cancer on the 19th feb and within 2 months he was gone. How is it possible to happen so quick, he never got the chance to have his treatment. I know death is part of life but I never thought I would lose my beloved dad now and not this quick, I hadn't got my head around the fact he was poorly before being hit with this blow. I have never experienced pain like this before. I can't carry on with my life and I am angry the world keeps going, when I want the time to just stop. Part of me died with my dad and I feel like I wish I went with him. My dad was so brave and such a strong person who loved life. I have his funeral in 3 days and the thought of it makes me feel sick, I don't want to say goodbye, as I know he is down the chapel of rest and still here, the funeral is final and the thought hurts so bad. 
I had a lovely chat with dad the day before he passed before his oxygen levels dropped and I held his hand when he took his last breath, I can't believe this is happening and that he no longer exists. I have memories, photos, and his belongings but I want him back so badly it is killing me. 
 

please tell me how you cope? 

Parents
  • Hello lovely.

     

    My mum passed a few days ago, I'm 21 and she's 59 and I feel exactly the same... it is so unfair and I just can't get my head around it. My mum had lung cancer and the pain got unbareable, I feel the same about the funeral coming... I am just dreading it. Have you been to the chapel of rest? I am unsure whether to go. 
     

    Hope you find some peace within ️

Reply
  • Hello lovely.

     

    My mum passed a few days ago, I'm 21 and she's 59 and I feel exactly the same... it is so unfair and I just can't get my head around it. My mum had lung cancer and the pain got unbareable, I feel the same about the funeral coming... I am just dreading it. Have you been to the chapel of rest? I am unsure whether to go. 
     

    Hope you find some peace within ️

Children
  • Hi Jasmine, 

    I am sorry to hear about your mum. The funeral went as well as can be expected yesterday under the circumstances, we had people gather in the street and play a song for him when the hearse arrived, then everyone followed around the street where he lived before he passed away. There was only 9 allowed in the service so it was very strange. 
    I managed to do a speech and a poem to honour my father but I don't know where I got the strength from to get up and speak. They day went by in a blur and I still can't my head around that the funeral was for my dad and that it was him in the coffin, it feels like one bad dream. 
    I went to see my dad in the chapel of rest and I am so glad I did, I seen him the first time with family 4 days after and he had started to deteriorate but it was my dad and I felt safe with him, I went again and spent an hour with him having a chat and I put pictures of the family, myself, brother and the grandchildren with my dad in his coffin and we all wrote notes too. I would of regretted it if I hadn't seen him, but everyone is different and people want to remember their loved ones as they are, but it was my dad and I wanted to be with him, whatever! 
     

    thinking of you. 
     

    natasha