Hi Natasha1987,

I am so sorry for your loss; my beautiful mum passed away September 2018 from blood cancer and although eveyones grief is individual, I have some understanding of how you are feeling.

It is difficult to grasp or even comprehend that we won't see our parents again, how can that be, they were always there for all our lives, it just doesn't seem real. At times, silly as it sounds, it's like you can almost feel your heart breaking. The pain is unbearable and you cry...everywhere and in front of complete strangers sometimes, you can't control it. I was angry too, I went back to work after about 2 weeks, surprised nobody reported me, I was so abrupt!

You ask how you can cope, I wish I could give you an easy answer. I am further along in my journey and I think about my mum every day, sometimes the feelings come in waves and you can't control the tears. But it does become easier, you feel less angry and I would always say, talk to your close family about how you feel, they will have the greatest understanding.I also had some counselling, not sure how much it helped but I needed to talk about my mum and despite what I have mentioned above, I found it impossible to have any long conversation with my dad, just too upsetting....but that has got better.

They say time is a great healer, I think it is in respect of learning to live and accept it but I said to my husband, part of me will forever be broken, but that's ok, with the love we had,it couldn't be any other way.

It was nice to read when you said you had a lovely conversation with your dad and held his hand.

I hope your dads funeral service goes well, I never physically said goodbye to my mum, I held her hand and said " it's ok mum, I'll see you again", I couldnt say the word.

I know how hard it is, I'm so sorry, thinking of you.

Linda

I lost my amazing sweet mum in April on 9th from corona virus and incurable pneumonia. Yes she had cancer but it didn't kill her this rapidly - she was treated abysmally by the hospital.

my life will never be the same anymore. A part of me left when mum died and although I don't wish to die, I would give anything for just even one more hour with her. I miss her so much sometimes it leaves me breathless I have panic attacks now when I think of the awful way she died. 58 is so young for your dad to pass my mum was 72 and it still feels to young.. I am dreaming about mum every single night she just doesn't leave my head...this is a truly sinister and awful year.

i just wanted to let you know that I am going through the same pain. It is real pain.. it's raw. It hurts so much.

Hi Natasha, 

My dad was 58 and I was 31 last March when I lost him, you can read my story on my profile if you're interested. 
My heart broke that day as well, it's a physical pain you can't explain to anyone that hasn't been there. When it happened I genuinely wanted to die as well, I was pregnant with his first grandchild, I was getting married and had a wonderful family, yet none of that mattered. I just wanted to be with my dad. It took me a long time to get my head around never seeing him again, in fact I'm not sure it has even registered now. 
I promise you though, somehow, the days do get better. Grief will hit you in waves when you least expect it, but all of a sudden one day you will realise you didn't cry that morning or you really laughed at something without even realising. 
I was and still am very angry with the world and the fact it was my dad. Of course I would never wish this pain on anyone, but I often find myself wishing it would happen to someone I know so they know how I feel! 
My mum keeps a notebook and often writes to him or scribbles down her thoughts and feelings. It's something I wish I had done to see that actually I have come a little way in the year he has been gone so I would recommend that. 
I think the anticipation of the funeral for me was worse than the actual day, but I expect it will be more difficult for you at this strange time not being able to give them the send off they deserve. 
You WILL get through this I promise you. 
It's one day at a time and if that's too much then one hour at a time. Let the tears flow, eventually they will stop, there are only so many tears you can cry at once. 
I also held dads hand at the end and I am so grateful we were able to be there with him, it wasn't a frightening moment, he was finally free from pain. 
Thinking of you xxx 

Hello lovely.

My mum passed a few days ago, I'm 21 and she's 59 and I feel exactly the same... it is so unfair and I just can't get my head around it. My mum had lung cancer and the pain got unbareable, I feel the same about the funeral coming... I am just dreading it. Have you been to the chapel of rest? I am unsure whether to go. 
 

Hope you find some peace within ️

Hi Jasmine, 

I am sorry to hear about your mum. The funeral went as well as can be expected yesterday under the circumstances, we had people gather in the street and play a song for him when the hearse arrived, then everyone followed around the street where he lived before he passed away. There was only 9 allowed in the service so it was very strange. 
I managed to do a speech and a poem to honour my father but I don't know where I got the strength from to get up and speak. They day went by in a blur and I still can't my head around that the funeral was for my dad and that it was him in the coffin, it feels like one bad dream. 
I went to see my dad in the chapel of rest and I am so glad I did, I seen him the first time with family 4 days after and he had started to deteriorate but it was my dad and I felt safe with him, I went again and spent an hour with him having a chat and I put pictures of the family, myself, brother and the grandchildren with my dad in his coffin and we all wrote notes too. I would of regretted it if I hadn't seen him, but everyone is different and people want to remember their loved ones as they are, but it was my dad and I wanted to be with him, whatever! 
 

thinking of you. 
 

natasha 

Hi Linda

sorry to hear about your mum. 
 

the pain is unbearable, the first week went by in a blur and I cried so hard I was screaming the same time. I have never experienced a feeling like it. A part of me died when he did and I will never be the same person again. 
I am going through so many emotions, I feel angry with everyone and the world, and I feel completely lost, my father was very protective and I was his two eyes and I can't believe he isn't he nomore. 
I have grieved for family members but someone so close to me like me dad has broken me, I haven't got a great bond with my mother and I can't talk to her about my feelings, and that's what I am going to miss about my dad, being able to turn to him for help, having a laugh and how much we are alike. People tell me it gets easier but I can't see how it will. It has been such a shock I don't know how to handle it. 

Thank you for your kind words and replying xx

Hi thank you for your reply

I am sorry to hear about your dad. 
 

aww I understand how you felt, I laid with my dad as he took his last breath and I wished that they would take me too so I can be free from the heartache and pain and to just be with him. Anger, this is what I am at the moment, I am angry with myself for not being able to save him, and how it happened so quickly and he didn't have time to start his treatment. I am angry with Drs for taking so long to send him for tests after he was back and forth for nearly a year, a year for the cancer to spread. If it was found last year he would of had a fighting chance, he would of been stronger, the virus wouldn't be around and may not of been so advanced. How did you cope with the birth of your baby after your dads passing? 
 

I already have children and they adored him and they are heartbroken. It is hard to grieve as I don't want to upset them by getting upset in front of them but I can't help it. I feel like a rubbish mum at the mo as I don't feel like I am on this planet at the moment. My dad told me to be strong and be strong for the children, don't be upset about him going cause life still goes on. But he didn't realise how hard life would be without him and I can't go on like nothing has happened or he didn't exist. 
 

Somedays I wish he would take me with him, feeing like this is hard to deal with. I think if I didn't have my children I wouldn't be here as I can't carry on life without him. 
 

hope you and your family are well. 
 

xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, that sounds like such a horrible experience to go through. I wanted to ask how you are coping now ? My dad passed in October 2021 and his funeral was this time last year. My heart hurts when I think about it and I cry when it dawns on me that he's really gone and I am never going to see him again. I had just finished crying a few minutes ago and was in such a sad mood but reading your message gave me so much comfort as I related to so much of what you were saying. 

I guess I just want to know if you found a way of coping and it would just be nice to talk to someone who I can kind of relate to (emotion wise)

Thanks :)

Welcome to the Cancer Chat forum Celine although I'm really sorry to hear your dad passed away last year. You have my deepest sympathies.

I'm just responding to your post as I noticed you were hoping to hear back from Natasha and haven't had a reply from her yet. Unfortunately I've just checked and she hasn't been on the forum since 2020 so you may not hear back from them.

I do hope that isn't the case, but if you don't get a reply you're welcome to reach out to others on more recent discussions or if you're feeling up to it, you can start your own.

We're thinking of you Celine and sending our strength and support your way at this very challenging time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Steph,

Apologies for the delay of this reply. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to inform me of the absence of the person who initially made this post. And I really appreciate your kind words and sympathy. Hope you have a good new years !