Hi Sasha

I'm very sorry for your loss x

My dad died on 26th February and I feel so lost as a result of that; the addition of a worldwide pandemic has exacerbated it so that I feel I'm in this awful new world with no lovely dad and lots of people I love at risk. 

I appreciate that's a totally different experience from that which you describe, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in experiencing loss at the same time as this virus. Actually, when we were in hospital with my dad at the end (9 days and nights), we read about the coronavirus but, similarly to you now, could not engage with the panic or even concern about it at all!

I guess it feels realer now as our funeral is tomorrow and it has been reduced to just family as the risk is too great. 

Sending you strength and best wishes x

Many thanks, and the same to you! x So sorry about your dad.

Hi sasha no ime not to botherd about it eithere loosing a loved makes you numb ime shure otheres will tell you the same just wish these ime alright jacks blow everyone else would stop panick bying they should be ashamed of themselves they create the shortages where there wasnt any . Just take it easy griefs g very personal thing so it could hit you at any time but you will be ok it hurts but not forever . Ive a chum of 60 years hes more like a brothere so can empathise with you since loosing my partner hes been a good friend as best he knew how 

Im sorry to hear of your loss, especially after a long illness, Im guessing it is still a shock even though you both knew where things were heading, I havent been through losing someone to cancer, instead my mum had a lengthy decline with what we found out off her death ceritificate was vascular dementia, shed had a massive stroke soon after knee replacement, the hospital,ln family view, mismanaged her care very badly, and although we knew she was declining, it was still a shock, but I went into practicalities mode, and almost shut down emotionally, and am still dealing with it now. With dad it was similar, a fall, broken arm. delirium set in, kidney failure, a slow decline to an inevitable end.  Its hard whenever death comes, and the numbness that hits can take us by surprise, and perhaps the disengagement you describe from what is being endlessly talked about by media and other people is a way of defending yourself, its too much, too demanding, and you really dont need that on top of your understandable grief. I hope you have sources of support, I hope you can gently let yourself reach a point where you can start to "feel" again, if thats whats going on.  For any of you who are grieving, please be gentle on yourselves, take things as steadily as you are able, and dont be afraid to say " No" if something is too much for you to take on.  Its 2 years since Dad died, I cleared the family home almost alone until the last bits, sold it, dealt with the estate, its bloody hard and emotionally draining, And I still get flak because I couldnt bring myself to chuck or sell a lot of family heirlooms and things like their photo albums. Take it at your own pace, you may not feel like it, but I bet youve got this.

All best, x

Thanks, everyone! Poland19, I'm shocked that anyone would give you grief for not wanting to get rid of family heirlooms. People are so strange sometimes. I totally agree that there's no point in trying to force yourself to a point with grief, it all has to come in its own time and there's no "right" time for any of it. 

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mum last Wednesday morning and at the minute I couldn't care less about the coronavirus. My mum was my best friend, we lived together, holidayed together and even finished each other's sentences. We had lots of little jokes that nobody else understood and I can't believe I will never see or talk to her again in this life. Mum was only diagnosed with secondary breast cancer which had spread to her lungs in January. We knew she couldn't be cured but her oncologist was optimistic about extending her life with low dose chemo and herceptin. After just 2 weeks treatment mum developed a nasty chest infection and was taken into hospital. For 2 weeks the doctors were pleased with how the antibiotics were working but then they couldn't get her oxygen levels to stay up by themselves. We knew then it was only a matter of time but we thought weeks not days. In the end mum got home on Monday evening and passed away in the early hours of Wednesday morning. I'm so angry that she wanted home for the whole 3 weeks she was in hospital and didn't even get the chance to enjoy it for a few days. I am worried about the rest of my family but to be quite honest I don't think I'd care if I contracted coronavirus. And yes I know that is an awful thing to say while people are fighting for their lives but it's the truth. I'm only 51 but the only future I can see is me waiting to join her and I know that's not what she wanted for me but I can't help it. 

So sorry to hear about your mum:(. You must be devastated. I think your feelings at the moment are totally natural - my way of dealing with it is to make myself behave as if I care whether I get the coronavirus even though it's actually very hard to bother about it. So I do all the stuff I'm meant to in the the hope that one day I will be glad I did. I'm trying to look at it that my friend wanted to live and so I owe it to her to not throw my life away. It feels like something I can still do for her. Sending you strength, heart and best wishes x

I also lost my mum to cancer during the pandemic.  It has been so hard to live through this experience.  For me it has meant having to watch my mum decline from March to September from a distance due to social distancing measures. Not being able to go into her house to make her a cup of tea, hug her and show her how much I cared for her. She broke her hip 5 weeks before she died, as she fell to the floor one morning. Having restricted visiting in hospital whilst she further declined. We had to nominate family members to see her. Having a funeral under the angry cloud of fear in numbers, not hugging family or friends at the ceremony. Comments of 'super-spreader' events from my partner in relation to all gatherings surrounding my mum's passing, when I just needed unquestioning kindness. Trying to support my dad following her passing, whilst trying to be 'separate' to appease my partner. Planning Christmas - wanting to be with brothers, sisters etc., but again, trying to find a way that meets regulations to keep everyone happy.

It has been an impossible year. I miss my mum terribly, and have 2 children under 2, so don't have time to dwell. But my world has changed irrevocably, and I know I can get through tomorrow, but I can't look too  far ahead, as I am afraid I will crumble.