I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mum last Wednesday morning and at the minute I couldn't care less about the coronavirus. My mum was my best friend, we lived together, holidayed together and even finished each other's sentences. We had lots of little jokes that nobody else understood and I can't believe I will never see or talk to her again in this life. Mum was only diagnosed with secondary breast cancer which had spread to her lungs in January. We knew she couldn't be cured but her oncologist was optimistic about extending her life with low dose chemo and herceptin. After just 2 weeks treatment mum developed a nasty chest infection and was taken into hospital. For 2 weeks the doctors were pleased with how the antibiotics were working but then they couldn't get her oxygen levels to stay up by themselves. We knew then it was only a matter of time but we thought weeks not days. In the end mum got home on Monday evening and passed away in the early hours of Wednesday morning. I'm so angry that she wanted home for the whole 3 weeks she was in hospital and didn't even get the chance to enjoy it for a few days. I am worried about the rest of my family but to be quite honest I don't think I'd care if I contracted coronavirus. And yes I know that is an awful thing to say while people are fighting for their lives but it's the truth. I'm only 51 but the only future I can see is me waiting to join her and I know that's not what she wanted for me but I can't help it. 

I also lost my mum to cancer during the pandemic.  It has been so hard to live through this experience.  For me it has meant having to watch my mum decline from March to September from a distance due to social distancing measures. Not being able to go into her house to make her a cup of tea, hug her and show her how much I cared for her. She broke her hip 5 weeks before she died, as she fell to the floor one morning. Having restricted visiting in hospital whilst she further declined. We had to nominate family members to see her. Having a funeral under the angry cloud of fear in numbers, not hugging family or friends at the ceremony. Comments of 'super-spreader' events from my partner in relation to all gatherings surrounding my mum's passing, when I just needed unquestioning kindness. Trying to support my dad following her passing, whilst trying to be 'separate' to appease my partner. Planning Christmas - wanting to be with brothers, sisters etc., but again, trying to find a way that meets regulations to keep everyone happy.

It has been an impossible year. I miss my mum terribly, and have 2 children under 2, so don't have time to dwell. But my world has changed irrevocably, and I know I can get through tomorrow, but I can't look too  far ahead, as I am afraid I will crumble.

I also lost my mum to cancer during the pandemic.  It has been so hard to live through this experience.  For me it has meant having to watch my mum decline from March to September from a distance due to social distancing measures. Not being able to go into her house to make her a cup of tea, hug her and show her how much I cared for her. She broke her hip 5 weeks before she died, as she fell to the floor one morning. Having restricted visiting in hospital whilst she further declined. We had to nominate family members to see her. Having a funeral under the angry cloud of fear in numbers, not hugging family or friends at the ceremony. Comments of 'super-spreader' events from my partner in relation to all gatherings surrounding my mum's passing, when I just needed unquestioning kindness. Trying to support my dad following her passing, whilst trying to be 'separate' to appease my partner. Planning Christmas - wanting to be with brothers, sisters etc., but again, trying to find a way that meets regulations to keep everyone happy.

It has been an impossible year. I miss my mum terribly, and have 2 children under 2, so don't have time to dwell. But my world has changed irrevocably, and I know I can get through tomorrow, but I can't look too  far ahead, as I am afraid I will crumble.

Hi Fiona, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your mum too. It must have been unbearable for you not to be with her as much as you wanted. My mum died just a few days before the first lockdown so we have been able to take comfort from the fact that we were with her at the end and that she was able to have a proper funeral Mass although it was limited to family only. I am still really struggling and as a family we have decided to more or less ignore Christmas this year. There are no small children in the immediate family so we can do this. I'm sure that your children are a great comfort to you and keep you going when things are particularly hard. Christmas will be tough all the same for you. Hopefully your little ones will help get you through it. I'm sending you hugs.