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struggling to accept the loss of my Dad.

katie926
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I've posted on this site a few times- but havent been online for at least two months.

My Dad passed away back in October 2018 and everyday it feels as raw as the day he died. I literally never stop thinking of him, and Im so sad thinking hes not here anymore. I feel as though my heart breaks everyday and im constantly so sad. Of course, I miss him more than I could ever try to explain. I still cant seem to get my head around the fact I wont see him again.

Everyone says you will get used to a new normal, but not having my dad here will ever be normal. Its been five months and it some respect its been the longest five months ever, but it also feels as though its flown by. Im 23, and cant bare the idea of having my whole life without him.

I was there through everything, holding his hand right 'till the end, but now I look back with such panic at what he went through. He never changed the whole way through- was the same lovely, kind, funny man he always was. But I feel so much pain thinking that he was just putting on a brave face for me and my family. I know and I've heard so many times that 'hes in a better place and that he wont be in any pain anymore' but all that does to me is reiterates that he was in pain and that towards the end he wasnt in a good place here.

I cry everyday for my Dad- and oddly I dont want that to stop because I dont ever want to accept that hes not here. I just still cant believe hes gone and I'm left without him. I dont feel like I can put into words just how devestated I am but he truly was the only person I knew I could never live without.

Sorry for the rambling- but sometimes I just feel a bit of relief for typing out how Im feeling. Is anyone else in a similar situaition currently?

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    I lost my dad 3 days ago. I'm 32, reading your post mirrored everything I feel. We have a family business, when he was diagnosed a year ago, my world came crashing down, and I had to suddenly run this very hard business, all on my own. I did it at the expense of my own mental health, it ruined me as a person to the point I couldn't continue and had to say I couldn't do it. But we had a plan to sell it, he had so much stuff in the workshop. We didn't get to sort it out as he's been so ill. 
    I thought I was prepared for the worst with what could happen, he died with me my brother his mum and wife cuddling him in our family home. 
    Ever since the pain has been too much, he meant everything to me the same as your father did, and things your saying I feel exactly the same, I don't like hearing people say " he's not suffering now" etc. my brother seems to be taking it better than me. I wake up crying my eyes out, I honestly feel like I need to go and find him, I'm so sad and hurt I feel I want to die and be with him. 
    how are you feeling now some time has passed ? Do things get better 

  • Offline in reply to tom38

    I lost my Dad on the 27th. I dont know where to turn either. Im surviving by remembering him and looking at photos. Ive been so lucky to have my Dad and forever grateful for the upbringing he gave me. Im trying to think of it as 'we all die' it just happens to some of us sooner and I will see him again one day when Im an old lady on my deathbed. My Dad died with me and my mum holding his hands. I understand how traumatic it is when you watch your favorite person take their last breath. He wanted so much for myself, sister, mum and grandson to be happy and carry on. I am trying my best but its tough. Totally understand what you are going through. 

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  • Offline in reply to tom38

    I lost my Dad on the 27th. I dont know where to turn either. Im surviving by remembering him and looking at photos. Ive been so lucky to have my Dad and forever grateful for the upbringing he gave me. Im trying to think of it as 'we all die' it just happens to some of us sooner and I will see him again one day when Im an old lady on my deathbed. My Dad died with me and my mum holding his hands. I understand how traumatic it is when you watch your favorite person take their last breath. He wanted so much for myself, sister, mum and grandson to be happy and carry on. I am trying my best but its tough. Totally understand what you are going through. 

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