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struggling to accept the loss of my Dad.

katie926
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I've posted on this site a few times- but havent been online for at least two months.

My Dad passed away back in October 2018 and everyday it feels as raw as the day he died. I literally never stop thinking of him, and Im so sad thinking hes not here anymore. I feel as though my heart breaks everyday and im constantly so sad. Of course, I miss him more than I could ever try to explain. I still cant seem to get my head around the fact I wont see him again.

Everyone says you will get used to a new normal, but not having my dad here will ever be normal. Its been five months and it some respect its been the longest five months ever, but it also feels as though its flown by. Im 23, and cant bare the idea of having my whole life without him.

I was there through everything, holding his hand right 'till the end, but now I look back with such panic at what he went through. He never changed the whole way through- was the same lovely, kind, funny man he always was. But I feel so much pain thinking that he was just putting on a brave face for me and my family. I know and I've heard so many times that 'hes in a better place and that he wont be in any pain anymore' but all that does to me is reiterates that he was in pain and that towards the end he wasnt in a good place here.

I cry everyday for my Dad- and oddly I dont want that to stop because I dont ever want to accept that hes not here. I just still cant believe hes gone and I'm left without him. I dont feel like I can put into words just how devestated I am but he truly was the only person I knew I could never live without.

Sorry for the rambling- but sometimes I just feel a bit of relief for typing out how Im feeling. Is anyone else in a similar situaition currently?

Parents
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    Hi Katie, 

    i cant pretend to know what you’re going through, but I am 31 and faced with losing my dad shortly 58. 

    I feel I am in the anticipatory grief stage now and everything you describe is how I know I will feel when this terrible day comes. 

    I can’t ever imagine a life without him, my heart is broken in to a million pieces already and although I know he is putting on a brave face I know he is so scared. 

    I am struggling to deal with how cruel life is and why us, then I come on here and realise I am not alone and there are people experiencing the exact same heartache as me. 

    I can only imagine the first year is the worst, having to go through the first of everything without him. 

    You must allow yourself to cry, every single day if that’s what’s needed. As above, don’t bottle it up it will do more harm than good. You must grieve your amazing dad properly so you can get to a place where the tears are for remembering all the good times, not what this vile disease did. 

    Sending all my love x 

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    Hi Katie, 

    i cant pretend to know what you’re going through, but I am 31 and faced with losing my dad shortly 58. 

    I feel I am in the anticipatory grief stage now and everything you describe is how I know I will feel when this terrible day comes. 

    I can’t ever imagine a life without him, my heart is broken in to a million pieces already and although I know he is putting on a brave face I know he is so scared. 

    I am struggling to deal with how cruel life is and why us, then I come on here and realise I am not alone and there are people experiencing the exact same heartache as me. 

    I can only imagine the first year is the worst, having to go through the first of everything without him. 

    You must allow yourself to cry, every single day if that’s what’s needed. As above, don’t bottle it up it will do more harm than good. You must grieve your amazing dad properly so you can get to a place where the tears are for remembering all the good times, not what this vile disease did. 

    Sending all my love x 

Children
  • Offline in reply to sunshine1987

    Hello- thank you for your reply.

    I am very sorry to hear what you are currently going through. I can say though that I made the most of the time we had- We chatted so much and I left nothing unsaid- If I could give you any advice It would be to do the same.

    I am always here if you feel like you need any support throughout this time xX

  • Offline in reply to sunshine1987

    Hi, I know exactly what you are going through. I've been pre grieving for so many years and now the time has finally come and my hero passed away yesterday,  nothing could have prepared me for what I feel now. Its been an horrendous last 6 weeks, watching your strong amazing dad slowly go. Feel like I've had my heart ripped out and in constant agony which nothing can help to alleviate. Can't bear this pain, life is too cruel.  X

  • Offline in reply to Eviecat100

    I'm sorry to hear you lost your Dad , as you say it's horrendous and shocking. I could not believe it. I'm now at 16 months gone and there is not a day something is thrown at me by my brain with why, what if'sand feeling sick about it. Looking back it was obvious what was happening but I guess to cope you keep fighting. 
    try to take care of yourself now it's a never ending journey xxx 

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