I lost my dad 3 days ago. I'm 32, reading your post mirrored everything I feel. We have a family business, when he was diagnosed a year ago, my world came crashing down, and I had to suddenly run this very hard business, all on my own. I did it at the expense of my own mental health, it ruined me as a person to the point I couldn't continue and had to say I couldn't do it. But we had a plan to sell it, he had so much stuff in the workshop. We didn't get to sort it out as he's been so ill. 
I thought I was prepared for the worst with what could happen, he died with me my brother his mum and wife cuddling him in our family home. 
Ever since the pain has been too much, he meant everything to me the same as your father did, and things your saying I feel exactly the same, I don't like hearing people say " he's not suffering now" etc. my brother seems to be taking it better than me. I wake up crying my eyes out, I honestly feel like I need to go and find him, I'm so sad and hurt I feel I want to die and be with him. 
how are you feeling now some time has passed ? Do things get better 

Goodness me I am so sorry about your loss. 
My mind endlessly threw out to me "I want to die" I think what it meant was that actually it wanted everything to stop , reverse and make things how they where.

I am not going to lie , I am now 18 months living without Dad, I go to the cemetery and sob or go and chat and don't know how I'm going to be until I'm there. 
I love my Dad , I miss him and I still cannot comprehend he has gone.  BUT it does get manageable , I was ill , it started six months after he went , I felt terrible then got shingles , bloods showed very low b12 and d , autoimmune deficiency , I truly believe the shock did it , I'm on treatment now.

when I returned to work I went on a bereavement and loss course , when we split in groups I'd recounted this to a young lady who also lost her dad and she said , what you have said tells me you had a good relationship with your dad and I feel like I'm sorry I didn't have the same. I've hung onto that. 
last Friday I was in sobs , memories coming back of final weeks , I should of said this , done that , there's no answer but , I think we are very very lucky to be saying we miss our dads so much - there's nothing can ease it but time dilutes the severe pain. 
hold on tight and if you need to talk we are here xxxx 

I want to add I really felt like I wanted to be in the grave with him , it's a normal thought your feelings are manic , it's just overload , it will ease , it's going to be different but you will be ok. Please talk to us if you need xxx 

I want to add I really felt like I wanted to be in the grave with him , it's a normal thought your feelings are manic , it's just overload , it will ease , it's going to be different but you will be ok. Please talk to us if you need xxx