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struggling to accept the loss of my Dad.

katie926
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I've posted on this site a few times- but havent been online for at least two months.

My Dad passed away back in October 2018 and everyday it feels as raw as the day he died. I literally never stop thinking of him, and Im so sad thinking hes not here anymore. I feel as though my heart breaks everyday and im constantly so sad. Of course, I miss him more than I could ever try to explain. I still cant seem to get my head around the fact I wont see him again.

Everyone says you will get used to a new normal, but not having my dad here will ever be normal. Its been five months and it some respect its been the longest five months ever, but it also feels as though its flown by. Im 23, and cant bare the idea of having my whole life without him.

I was there through everything, holding his hand right 'till the end, but now I look back with such panic at what he went through. He never changed the whole way through- was the same lovely, kind, funny man he always was. But I feel so much pain thinking that he was just putting on a brave face for me and my family. I know and I've heard so many times that 'hes in a better place and that he wont be in any pain anymore' but all that does to me is reiterates that he was in pain and that towards the end he wasnt in a good place here.

I cry everyday for my Dad- and oddly I dont want that to stop because I dont ever want to accept that hes not here. I just still cant believe hes gone and I'm left without him. I dont feel like I can put into words just how devestated I am but he truly was the only person I knew I could never live without.

Sorry for the rambling- but sometimes I just feel a bit of relief for typing out how Im feeling. Is anyone else in a similar situaition currently?

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    Hi, I am struggling to get on with life without my dear Dad.I feel like life is not worth living without him, I hate my job which is v stressful, my partner has probably had enough of my depression, I feel unattractive and a burden as I feel like a shell of the person I was when we met. I dont want to smile anymore. He was supportive throughout the illness and my Dad's decline but now I couldn't blame him for being sick of it all.Muy Mum is old and on her own and I struggle to help her and have time for my partner and he down a fulltime job. We got together just as my Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer  after suffering from Colitis and a routine colonoscopy. The year of him dying was torture and we struggled to make my parents see they needed outside help. My brother married the Spri g before my Dad died in the Autumn 2018. My Dad struggled to make it to the wedding but did....as a very I'll sick bit proud father. My Mum acted badly, shunning GP help and refusing to talk about death. No my relationship is struggling, I feel like my Dad died without knowing my brother's marriage was a sham, he only saw the good...my bother and in law have barely seen my Mum and acted badly towards her and it is all leaving me feeling emotionally overloaded, stressed, unable to cope and joyless at life. I feel hopeless and like there is no-one left to trust.My Dad was my everything...I miss him so much, he was loving, patient, kind and unfailingly supportive.Life is empty without him.

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    Hi, I am struggling to get on with life without my dear Dad.I feel like life is not worth living without him, I hate my job which is v stressful, my partner has probably had enough of my depression, I feel unattractive and a burden as I feel like a shell of the person I was when we met. I dont want to smile anymore. He was supportive throughout the illness and my Dad's decline but now I couldn't blame him for being sick of it all.Muy Mum is old and on her own and I struggle to help her and have time for my partner and he down a fulltime job. We got together just as my Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer  after suffering from Colitis and a routine colonoscopy. The year of him dying was torture and we struggled to make my parents see they needed outside help. My brother married the Spri g before my Dad died in the Autumn 2018. My Dad struggled to make it to the wedding but did....as a very I'll sick bit proud father. My Mum acted badly, shunning GP help and refusing to talk about death. No my relationship is struggling, I feel like my Dad died without knowing my brother's marriage was a sham, he only saw the good...my bother and in law have barely seen my Mum and acted badly towards her and it is all leaving me feeling emotionally overloaded, stressed, unable to cope and joyless at life. I feel hopeless and like there is no-one left to trust.My Dad was my everything...I miss him so much, he was loving, patient, kind and unfailingly supportive.Life is empty without him.

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