struggling to accept the loss of my Dad.

I've posted on this site a few times- but havent been online for at least two months.

My Dad passed away back in October 2018 and everyday it feels as raw as the day he died. I literally never stop thinking of him, and Im so sad thinking hes not here anymore. I feel as though my heart breaks everyday and im constantly so sad. Of course, I miss him more than I could ever try to explain. I still cant seem to get my head around the fact I wont see him again.

Everyone says you will get used to a new normal, but not having my dad here will ever be normal. Its been five months and it some respect its been the longest five months ever, but it also feels as though its flown by. Im 23, and cant bare the idea of having my whole life without him.

I was there through everything, holding his hand right 'till the end, but now I look back with such panic at what he went through. He never changed the whole way through- was the same lovely, kind, funny man he always was. But I feel so much pain thinking that he was just putting on a brave face for me and my family. I know and I've heard so many times that 'hes in a better place and that he wont be in any pain anymore' but all that does to me is reiterates that he was in pain and that towards the end he wasnt in a good place here.

I cry everyday for my Dad- and oddly I dont want that to stop because I dont ever want to accept that hes not here. I just still cant believe hes gone and I'm left without him. I dont feel like I can put into words just how devestated I am but he truly was the only person I knew I could never live without.

Sorry for the rambling- but sometimes I just feel a bit of relief for typing out how Im feeling. Is anyone else in a similar situaition currently?

Parents
  • Hi there ...

    It's still really early ... be kind to your heart ... it's been broken, and will take time to heal ..that first year is like a wound that won't heal .. l think maybe like you said, in crying every day your keeping him as close as possible .. and think if you stop crying then he's really gone .. so your heart hangs on to it ...

    Sometimes saying to your self it's o.k to cry every day, then that need will ease a bit .. we are a nation of people that think putting a brave face on things should be easy ... being brave and carrying on regardless ... coz that's what others want us to do .. well those that hold feelings in, hurt the worse ... they carry that pain around with them .. so you cry .. yell, do whatever you need to .. loosing someone we love is the worse pain ever ... then one day when you realise you didn't cry, that's o.k too .. 

    He's not gone, he's right there tucked up safely in your heart .. you are half of him .. he will see through your eyes ... when you see those last memories , close your eyes... remember the funniest time you had with him .. relive it in slow motion .. remember how it made you feel .over and over . and when that bad memory is replaced with a smile ... you'll remember him as he'd want you to remember him .. not I'll or in pain, but all those years you had with him before cancer... because cancer wants you to remember the pain it inflicts... it wants to take away all the good memories ... well don't let it ... you hold on to the good ones ... you know we never stop missing them ... but that raw pain eases ... but you need to go through this time for that to happen ... 

    Sending a big vertual hug ... chrissie

  • My dad died on August I am so lost I took care of him for years as he had dementia I don't know what to do with me now am sad.crying.loads just lost

     

Reply Children
  • How are you doing today Logam7? I feel very much for you. Losing my mum I also felt like I lost the person I was before and am having restart my life in a way I don't want. What an incredible gift you gave to your dad caring for him - it sounds as though you were his world. Please be very kind and gentle to yourself if you can. Sending a hug x