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struggling to accept the loss of my Dad.

katie926
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I've posted on this site a few times- but havent been online for at least two months.

My Dad passed away back in October 2018 and everyday it feels as raw as the day he died. I literally never stop thinking of him, and Im so sad thinking hes not here anymore. I feel as though my heart breaks everyday and im constantly so sad. Of course, I miss him more than I could ever try to explain. I still cant seem to get my head around the fact I wont see him again.

Everyone says you will get used to a new normal, but not having my dad here will ever be normal. Its been five months and it some respect its been the longest five months ever, but it also feels as though its flown by. Im 23, and cant bare the idea of having my whole life without him.

I was there through everything, holding his hand right 'till the end, but now I look back with such panic at what he went through. He never changed the whole way through- was the same lovely, kind, funny man he always was. But I feel so much pain thinking that he was just putting on a brave face for me and my family. I know and I've heard so many times that 'hes in a better place and that he wont be in any pain anymore' but all that does to me is reiterates that he was in pain and that towards the end he wasnt in a good place here.

I cry everyday for my Dad- and oddly I dont want that to stop because I dont ever want to accept that hes not here. I just still cant believe hes gone and I'm left without him. I dont feel like I can put into words just how devestated I am but he truly was the only person I knew I could never live without.

Sorry for the rambling- but sometimes I just feel a bit of relief for typing out how Im feeling. Is anyone else in a similar situaition currently?

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    Hi Katie, reading what you have written could be like I had just wrote it. I feel completely the same as you. My dad died in October 2018 and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. He was my most favourite person in the world and I am heartbroken. I am an only child and we have always been very close. Sometimes I think it’s been 5 months, should I be coping better than I am but then I think 5 months is nothing compared to the 45 years I have loved him for. I cry every day, a few times, anything can set me off. Sometimes I feel like it still hasn’t sunk in....I don’tknow where I think he’s gone....but I really struggle to believe I’m never going to see him again, it’s so final. No one can really understand what you are going through until they experience it for themselves. I have no help or advice to offer you, just support and to promise you you aren’t the only one feeling this way. Our daddy’s are our first love and our heroes. 

    Take care, big hugs xxx

  • Offline in reply to daddyssarah

    Hi Sarah,

    wow it really does sound as though we are feeling the same right now. Im sorry for the loss of your Dad. of course, I completely get how heartbroken you feel- Im exactly the same. Its so devestating isnt it. I know we should feel like we had such amazing Dads for the time we did, but I dont feel like it was long enough. I feel like we had so many memories left to make- He was off sick when he turned 65 so never got to enjoy retirement- I get so angry thinking he worked from when he was a teenager to never enjoy those years of not working.. 

    Completely agree- no one understands unless theyve experience the loss that we have.

    Sending much love xxx

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  • Offline in reply to daddyssarah

    Hi Sarah,

    wow it really does sound as though we are feeling the same right now. Im sorry for the loss of your Dad. of course, I completely get how heartbroken you feel- Im exactly the same. Its so devestating isnt it. I know we should feel like we had such amazing Dads for the time we did, but I dont feel like it was long enough. I feel like we had so many memories left to make- He was off sick when he turned 65 so never got to enjoy retirement- I get so angry thinking he worked from when he was a teenager to never enjoy those years of not working.. 

    Completely agree- no one understands unless theyve experience the loss that we have.

    Sending much love xxx

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