Hi Linda .. 

I too am having a bad one today. I've been kept busy for a few day's but slowly I could feel myself getting a little bit up-tight almost like the flood gates wanting to burst. Everything I do, and everything I think comes back to missing my Mum .. In fact if my mind gets taken off of it, its doubly worse once my reality hits home. We just have to ride the waves. But for your light flickering, absolutely your Mum, its how my mum communicates HONESTLY .. But I miss her. The physical presence of Mum and all the warm cosy winter nights in, just watching tv, chatting. Cooking something simple .. And I miss calling her to see if she's eaten, if she's locked her door, who won on Strictly. All of it and the never agains .. I miss her. And Im totally understanding where your at .. God bless x

Hi kkkerry2,

Sorry it hasn't been good today, I know what you mean when you say everything comes back to missing your mum, It doesn't feel right does it, that our mum's aren't here. My dad, brother and 2 of my uncles are coming to ours for Christmas dinner and then I remember asking mum whether to have a turkey or goose and she said turkey, but then you know she won't be here and its like a horrible, horrible reality check. Strange, I feel like I want to shout from the top of a tall building that my mum's gone and that the world should stop because it's just not right and somebody at work said that dreaded...she was 82, she had a good life, I understand it is difficult to know what to say, but I said 82, 92, 102, still as painful. 

How do people get through it, I just don't know. We have to get there though, we can't carry this grief forever, what would my mum say, she sparkled in life, that's the best way to describe her, she would tell me not to worry. I understand when you say "I miss her".

Day at a time, take care xx

Hi kkkerry2,

Sorry it hasn't been good today, I know what you mean when you say everything comes back to missing your mum, It doesn't feel right does it, that our mum's aren't here. My dad, brother and 2 of my uncles are coming to ours for Christmas dinner and then I remember asking mum whether to have a turkey or goose and she said turkey, but then you know she won't be here and its like a horrible, horrible reality check. Strange, I feel like I want to shout from the top of a tall building that my mum's gone and that the world should stop because it's just not right and somebody at work said that dreaded...she was 82, she had a good life, I understand it is difficult to know what to say, but I said 82, 92, 102, still as painful. 

How do people get through it, I just don't know. We have to get there though, we can't carry this grief forever, what would my mum say, she sparkled in life, that's the best way to describe her, she would tell me not to worry. I understand when you say "I miss her".

Day at a time, take care xx

Linda, again Hi .. Sorry I didnt reply to this thread. You know, I get it. I want to scream so badly, the ache in my throat from the lump that permanantly sits there. And again, the age reference .. I haven't had that because I have avoided everyone of my friends since Mum's diagnosis. I almost feel that I don't want a part of my old life and chat to old friends, while in this new reality, Mum isn't here. I don't want to accept it OUT LOUD yet I think. I said to Mum, who said to me, that she's had a good innings :) .. That if she was 121 years old, and I was laying beside 100 years old, I would never have been ready for this. I told her, I will be okay, and I will be present for my kids, and I am. But I think our Mums know we were going to break our hearts .. I believe they can see all things now, and know way before we do, that brighter days will surely come, even though we cant imagine and in truth dont want them without Mum. But wether we like it or not, time will have to mend some of this break in our hearts, because how would any of us get through it eh?

Love and peace wished for you today Linda x