Hello Linda.  I think it seems worse on a sunny day because it appears that the rest of the world are out enjoying themselves (some of them probably have issues of their own but of course you don't know who they are!)  I expect your dad is just taking things one day at a time which is really the only thing to do in these early days.  You probably feel it should be pouring with rain to match your mood.  Please do post as often as you like; it may help you just to connect to the rest of the world.   It is many years since my mum (and my dad a few years later) died but I still have kept bits and pieces for no other reason than it belonged to them.  You do whatever feels right for you.  Bless you.  Annie

Hi Linda, i lost my gorgeous mum yesterday morning at 3.40am and i dont know how i am going to continue with my life. I am 48/single/no children/no brothers or sisters. I have been living and caring for my mum since her diagnosis in March in my childhood family home. She has a labrador called Charlie and i have a Shih tzu called Louie and we are all together the 3 of us today just wandering around the house. The pain is unbearable and i have not stopped crying hardly since she went.......god only knows what i will do. I keep picking up her clothes and smelling them and i know it is so unhealthy but cant help myself....where are you in the UK? Do you have a family of your own? Sending you a heartfelt hug from someone who is a stranger but connected to you emotionally today.xxx

I completely understand how you feel and identify with everything you're saying. My mum passed away 7 weeks ago and it is so hard. I also think of her all the time sometimes good memories sometimes bad, as we took care of her at home in the end and it was very hard to see her deteriorate so quickly. I try to keep busy, for me it's the evenings I struggle.  When the grief hits its overwhelming like a huge wave crashing over me and luckily that passes. I too have a lil a little older at 19 months she keeps me going and gives me strength. I am dreading Christmas but I'm determined to have some sort of Christmas as Mum loved it and for the kids too. Just wanted to say I'm  with you in your pain I feel the same your not alone going through this heartache. Just take each day as it comes and take care of yourself xx

Alibags, do not worry about smelling your mum's clothing; there is nothing wrong with that.  You should do whatever gets you through the day; these early days are bad enough without making yourself feel guilty about what makes you feel a connection to your mum.    I am a dog person and know how much dogs love their owners and of course do not understand what has happened.  Be kind to yourself and do whatever helps you and the doggies grieve together.    Please do keep in touch here if you have no close friends to give you love and support.  It is hell and you should do whatever gives you any comfort.  Annie

Hi Linda .. 

I too am having a bad one today. I've been kept busy for a few day's but slowly I could feel myself getting a little bit up-tight almost like the flood gates wanting to burst. Everything I do, and everything I think comes back to missing my Mum .. In fact if my mind gets taken off of it, its doubly worse once my reality hits home. We just have to ride the waves. But for your light flickering, absolutely your Mum, its how my mum communicates HONESTLY .. But I miss her. The physical presence of Mum and all the warm cosy winter nights in, just watching tv, chatting. Cooking something simple .. And I miss calling her to see if she's eaten, if she's locked her door, who won on Strictly. All of it and the never agains .. I miss her. And Im totally understanding where your at .. God bless x

Hi Alibags, thank you for your reply, kind of you to do so when you must be in shock, I am so very sorry for your loss. I did the same with mums cardigan, last one she wore, you just want to do anything to be close to them again, I understand.

The tears are uncontrollable, the pain is unbearable, whatever you feel is personal to you and nobody can at this stage can say any words to stop the pain. Everyone on this forum will have some understanding of how you feel right now, I am around 8 weeks ahead of you in my journey and it is good days and bad, I can only say that the uncontrollable crying will become less, I found Lavender tablets helped with the panic attacks and anxiety and I know I lost weight as completly lost my appetite, so I will say now, try and eat regular meals and I found walking helped, just to be outside seemed better, guess looking after Charlie and Louie  will help.

Do you have any relatives close by at all, maybe aunts or uncles? I am married and have family, we're all around Gloucestershire, close by to each other.

We're all strangers on this forum, but people here will support each other, keep posting and please take care of yourself, you're an amazing person to have looked after your mum. 

You're in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

x

Hi kkkerry2,

Sorry it hasn't been good today, I know what you mean when you say everything comes back to missing your mum, It doesn't feel right does it, that our mum's aren't here. My dad, brother and 2 of my uncles are coming to ours for Christmas dinner and then I remember asking mum whether to have a turkey or goose and she said turkey, but then you know she won't be here and its like a horrible, horrible reality check. Strange, I feel like I want to shout from the top of a tall building that my mum's gone and that the world should stop because it's just not right and somebody at work said that dreaded...she was 82, she had a good life, I understand it is difficult to know what to say, but I said 82, 92, 102, still as painful. 

How do people get through it, I just don't know. We have to get there though, we can't carry this grief forever, what would my mum say, she sparkled in life, that's the best way to describe her, she would tell me not to worry. I understand when you say "I miss her".

Day at a time, take care xx

Hi Ss25, my condolences, so sorry for your loss.

My mum too passed away at home, to see someone you love so dearly slip away is heartbreaking to watch, you do feel utterly helpless. I have been back at work for a couple of weeks now and it is busy but when I drive to the next meeting, thoughts of mum fill my mind; I used to listen to music in the car but any remotely sad song, I can't listen.

My mum loved Christmas as well, it's these milestones that will take a lot of courage to get through, my mum and dad would have been married for 60 years on 2nd Dec and I am dreading that day for my dad.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and kind words, you are right, it is a day at a time. I hope it gets easier for you too. Take care xx

Thank you Annie, it has helped to read your reply and others who have been kind enough to post, especially when the grief is still raw.

You have posted some many times, taken the time to help and understand what so many people have been going through, maybe if we were all as kind and considerate, the world might be a better place.

Thank you again x

Hi. Sometimes the beautiful sunny days can be just as hard as the cloudy rainy ones. The pain doesn't seem to always follow any kind of predictability. 

Today is exactly 6 months that I lost my mum. I am in Hawaii on vacation, and every day I think about her.  I'm in paradise, and I choke up at least once a day. Thankfully I haven't had a proper bawling my eyes out session since I've been here! But I'm still just as sad thinking about her here with the amazing weather as I was at home in the grey miserable cold weather. 

Take care xx