Really struggling today, my whole life and routine without my beautiful Mum has gone. Our breakfasts together, for 3 years I gave Mum breakfast in bed on a tray after her first cancer op and just continued it, I sat with her and we enjoyed our breakfast together, chatting for an hour or so. Lunches together, coffee together, supper together, every night for nearly 8 years. Sitting in the garden together in the sun, walking the dog, laughing, hugging, trips to the beach...the list could go on and on and on.

How do we cope with knowing our heart of a person has gone just like that and we will no longer be with them again in this life? Its a question I'm asking myself too much.

I am also starting to feel anger that from when my Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced cancer it was nother 2 months until her appointment with the Oncologist and another week after until starting treatment. How is a 2 month wait to commence cancer treatment acceptable for anyone? Obviously the cancer is not going to stop growing in 9 weeks! I believe my Mum's cancer grew a lot in this time and this will have obviously contributed to the covid causing such devastation. It is just simply not acceptable that people with cancer have to wait so long from being diagnosed to starting treatment, I'm not sure if this is an average wait?

Jane 

Really struggling today, my whole life and routine without my beautiful Mum has gone. Our breakfasts together, for 3 years I gave Mum breakfast in bed on a tray after her first cancer op and just continued it, I sat with her and we enjoyed our breakfast together, chatting for an hour or so. Lunches together, coffee together, supper together, every night for nearly 8 years. Sitting in the garden together in the sun, walking the dog, laughing, hugging, trips to the beach...the list could go on and on and on.

How do we cope with knowing our heart of a person has gone just like that and we will no longer be with them again in this life? Its a question I'm asking myself too much.

I am also starting to feel anger that from when my Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced cancer it was nother 2 months until her appointment with the Oncologist and another week after until starting treatment. How is a 2 month wait to commence cancer treatment acceptable for anyone? Obviously the cancer is not going to stop growing in 9 weeks! I believe my Mum's cancer grew a lot in this time and this will have obviously contributed to the covid causing such devastation. It is just simply not acceptable that people with cancer have to wait so long from being diagnosed to starting treatment, I'm not sure if this is an average wait?

Jane 

Hello Chrissy.  I felt the need to reply to you, not because I can take away your pain, but because how you are feeling is exactly how I felt after my mum died, which is many years ago now.  After the initial shock has worn off, there comes the anger.  Why my lovely mum?  Why did she have to die when she was so good and kind?  Just like you Chrissy, I wondered if more could have been done for my mother.  They told me and my 2 sisters that her cancer was in-operable, but I found myself wondering afterwards, was it REALLY in-operable or was it that because she was no longer young (she was 70), they didn't see any point in saving her?  I assure you Chrissy, all of these thoughts are perfectly normal, and very much part of the grieving process.  You know Chrissy, when I got my second diagnosis of breast cancer (which is now stage 4), I also had to wait for 2 months before my treatment started, so maybe this is normal, and also, it is possible that even if your mum had been started on treatment immediately, it still would not have been enough to give her any extra time.  I guess what I am saying Chrissy is that you will never know for sure, just like me and my sisters eventually had to accept that we would never know for sure if our mum could have been saved........and just like I have accepted that MAYBE if I had not had to wait for  2 months for treatment, I might not now be at stage 4.  This is the tragedy of life Chrissy.........we can never be sure of anything.  A couple of days ago I was listening to a beautiful song by Willie Nelson, called "It's not something you get over, it's something you get through'.  I was thinking of my mum and dad and so many others that I have lost, and I guess I was also thinking of my own mortality, and I found the beautiful words comforting.  You are on one of the most painful journeys you will ever go on Chrissy.......the loss of your Mother, but you will get through it, you really will, much love and virtual hugs, Violet, xxx