Hello Jane,

I am so sorry about your loss and my condolences go out to you and all the rest of your family at this sad time.

I just lost my own mum a few weeks ago to lung cancer/kidney failure and they creamated her last week. These are my thoughts about the loss of my mum.

The one thing I am always going to be grateful for is that we got to say goodbye to her and that we all got to say what we wanted to say, she went knowing we loved her and that she loved us. She didn't leave this mortal coil alone, unloved and she got to hear our love, I think about people who die of heart attack or a stroke or there are many other ways where people die instantly without hearing those words or without their loved ones being able to say those words to them and that causes the pain and the grief to last - sometimes a lifetime. I know I was lucky to tell my mum how much she meant to me before she passed away.

What I realised with my mum's passing is that everything is temporary, even my own life is temporary, I am 50 and had 50 years with my mum in my life which again, I feel blessed but in another 30 years, I probably won't be here, I will be reunited with mum and all the others who are about to pass on or have passed on who I loved and who loved me. Mum wanted me to be happy and to prosper and she basically said that in her last days and if we think back 30 years - 1992 - it's like a nothing space of time - I remember watching 'The Hitman and Her' and chasing around girls who weren't interested in me and going to Spain during those times like it was last week but it was actually 30 years ago, the time and the years go so quickly that one day, you will be elderly yourself and in the twighlight of your own life. None of us have got long even if we think we do. You have to enjoy what you have left to the best of your abilities.

Mum always said to us throughout our childhood and as adults that her biggest nightmare was her burying us, as painful as her children burying mum is - it is the 'circle of life' as Elton John liked to sing along to - I am sure your mum would rather she passed on before you as painful as that is for you and for me and everyone today who is about to lose their mum (with a lot of them unable to say goodbye to her...) this cancer is such a horrid, horrid disease but there were things that came of it where I am glad and my mum was glad where when she passed and left us - it helped with her going and it helped with the people who loved her who are now mourning her.

I feel her presence with me today and I feel she is still with us which I am sure you will do too with your own mum. I am wish you peace and strength through this traumatic time and I am sure your mum when she spoke to you in her final days that she wished for you to be happy in your life - I also wish that for you too, take care.

Carlos

Carlos thank you so much for reaching out to me with kindness when it is only very recently you have suffered the loss of your own Mum. Its heartbreaking and I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum, she sounds an amazing lady. Your words make perfect sense; Mum would never have wanted me to go first she often said she wouldn't have been able to cope without me. It is a huge comfort to have been with Mum when she left this life, knowing we were altogether and being able to say comforting loving words to her, I just wish from my heart that she had not had to suffer for weeks beforehand especially the last 24 hours. That pains me so much.

I agree that life is precious and short, time goes in a blink of an eye, so true. To be a lasting legacy of my Mum I need to make the best of my life, that was her wish, for me to enjoy life, be happy and I need to try and do this for myself and for her. I can't bring her back to me no matter if I am sad or happy so I need to eventually try and bring some joy back into my life but for now I just can't summon up anything as I am hurting so much.

The fact you took your Mum on a trip around spain together was amazing, all those wonderful memories. We cared and loved our Mums and they knew it, what can be more special than this?

Again I wish to thank you for being so kind because only those whom are going through the same or have gone through this awful experience truly know how the other one is feeling and it helps so much. Take good care of yourself.

Jane x

Carlos thank you so much for reaching out to me with kindness when it is only very recently you have suffered the loss of your own Mum. Its heartbreaking and I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum, she sounds an amazing lady. Your words make perfect sense; Mum would never have wanted me to go first she often said she wouldn't have been able to cope without me. It is a huge comfort to have been with Mum when she left this life, knowing we were altogether and being able to say comforting loving words to her, I just wish from my heart that she had not had to suffer for weeks beforehand especially the last 24 hours. That pains me so much.

I agree that life is precious and short, time goes in a blink of an eye, so true. To be a lasting legacy of my Mum I need to make the best of my life, that was her wish, for me to enjoy life, be happy and I need to try and do this for myself and for her. I can't bring her back to me no matter if I am sad or happy so I need to eventually try and bring some joy back into my life but for now I just can't summon up anything as I am hurting so much.

The fact you took your Mum on a trip around spain together was amazing, all those wonderful memories. We cared and loved our Mums and they knew it, what can be more special than this?

Again I wish to thank you for being so kind because only those whom are going through the same or have gone through this awful experience truly know how the other one is feeling and it helps so much. Take good care of yourself.

Jane x