Hi Sara

I saw your post and had to reply.  I feel your pain as my mum is suffering from bowel cancer and we found out last week that they wanted to refer her to the Macmillan team for pain relief as they feel further treatment would have a negative effect. 

Feeling scared is only natural and you really are being strong, this horrible 'thing' pushes us to be stronger than we can ever imagine.  It makes us realise sooner than we want to what we have got and what we will lose but it also allows us to make the most of every day and laugh and enjoy those great memories that have been created over the years.

I feel positive for you that your Mum will be at your sisters wedding.  You mum won't want to miss it for the world.  My wedding is in November this year and since last May when mum was diagnosed her focus has been the wedding and even after last news there hasn't been a day she hasn't mentioned getting her mother of the bride outfit.  Mum's dream of those special days for their children and are willing to fight to the bitter end.

I can assure you my words are stronger than I feel and there are tears whilst I write this as I would not want anyone to go through this pain.  The one comfort I have found since last Thursday is whilst we were being given the bad news about Mum, my best friend was in the same hospital giving birth to a gorgeous little boy to restore that not everything is bad in the world.

My positive thoughts are with you, your mum and all your family.

Laura xx

Hi Laura

Thank you so much for your reply it means so much to me.

I am sorry that you are suffering the same thing as me and my thoughts go out to you and your family also. How old is your mum? Do you have siblings? Is your mum at home? This sounds like what happened with my mum at xmas, she got every ill was in hospital over a month we nearly lost her as she had a fit and then they said there will be no more treatment as it is everywhere now. What have the doctors said to you?

I really hope you are right, there is just 4 days to go now, I’m not looking forward to it at all, I feel very anxious and stressed and I don’t know how some people will react to seeing her as some haven’t seen her the way she is now all skin and bones with no hair (she will wear a wig though) we have family flying over from the US and they will certainly get a shock.

Have the doctors given your mum an amount of time at all? sorry to ask so many questions and I understand if you don’t want to answer them. Is there any chance you can bring the wedding forward? My sisters was meant to be in Sept but she moved it when we started to see my mum deteriorate so quickly.

How has your fiancé been with it? That is lovely that your friend just had a baby J my friend also had a baby girl last week actually.

Would love to hear back from you.

Sara xxx

Hello Sara

Your Mum will be there.  Don't worry what other people think just be proud she is there and you are able to all share that special time.  It is hard to see our mums looking thin and poorly but she is there and what a party to bow out to seeing her girls together on a great day.  Spend the next couple of days pampering yourself and be ready to all have a big celebration at the weekend as I am sure that will put the biggest smile on your mums face. :)

My mum is 65, she is still at home.  She was diagnosed last May and it was in the lungs and liver as well.  She started chemo and was responding well to it.  Then early October she had to have emergency surgery as the bowel was blocked, from that point on she has had a stoma and really been recovering from that as they couldn't do further chemo due to the wound.  Come Christmas we were told it hadn't grown and she was in a stable place.  The next appointment was meant to be the 4th March.  So we thought we were in a good place.  Then mid January she was getting pains in her side and referred for a bone scan, two weeks ago ended up in hospital due to another blockage so she had further scans to then get told the oncologist appointment was to be last week. 

The only time indication was when mum asked about the wedding they said they would recommend bringing it forward and also the holiday my Mum and Dad had booked for May didn't look good.

We have spoken about the wedding and I am sure you and your sister had it from the very first diagnosis certain people have tried to get is to move it but my fiance and I didn't feel it was right.  He is australian so we can't really move it as it is his day too and for his family/friends to be there it is not an option. My mum has also said she doesn't want it moved for her so we have to respect that.  We could be looking at doing a pre-wedding dependent on how things go.  At the moment it is her goal and focus so we know she wants to prove everyone wrong still :)  I have never seen so much fight in her :)

I am the youngest of three girls, they are 7 and 9 years older so have had the weddings and grandkids.  That is my struggle that having one picture of Mum with our baby is a dream.  We did try doing everything backwards and doing the baby bit first but that hasn't gone to plan.

My fiance has been an absolute rock, we have cried together, laughed together and he has kept me going when I've had strops and just wanted to escape it all.  To be honest I think he is the one helping fuel any strength.

It sounds like you have good support in your boyfriend and all you family and friends will be there supporting at the wedding.  It can be hard thinking we are in this bubble and everyone elses lives go on but also lucky that we have such amazing Mum's that have made everything special since we were born.

I am sending big hugs as I really can relate to how you feel and woulf love to make it all better more than anything in the world.

Laura xx

Hi Laura

Sorry about the huge delay i did do an update about the wedding below not sure if youve seen it?

I understand what you mean about the  wedding it is his day to, its just a shame if your may cant be there but my mum wont be at my wedding ever as im not even engaged yet  :(  difficult situation. your mum seems like a huge fighter like my mum, they sound very similar! I feel the same about my BF he has been unreal he has been there thoughout and i think this has actually made us stronger!

How is your mum doing now? would love to hear from you take care. Sara xx

If another response appears it is because my ipad sent the reply so soon....so I am starting again in the vain hope it didn't post before!

So amazing your mum made the wedding that has made my day.  I was thinking about you all weekend wishing you all the best and hoping your mum had made it.  Bigs smiles for you all.

So sorry to hear your Mum is not doing so well now, her fight is amazing to see the next target as Mother's day.  Absolute troopers are Mum's :)

You BF sounds like he has been great, it is always good to have them to rely on plus the endless hugs.

My Mum is doing well, her and Dad had a weekend away last weekend and it seems to have restored her positivity and my Dad's.  They seem like new people and have decided to live life to the full which is awesome to see.  They have booked another weekend away in three weeks and are going to keep doing that for as long as they can.  We had Mum's final oncology appointment today as a fairwell.  Feels strange and horrible to know there are no more appointments I suppose those appointments were always hope things are improving and its that reality they aren't.  Too be honest I am struggling this week as I cannot even visualise that appointment when they told us the worst news, it is like a horrible dream and there is no waking up from it.

I am slightly in denial and living on those goods times and the memories we can make now.  I am still determined Mum will fight until the wedding....I am aiming high!!  :)

So so pleased to hear from you.  Keep smiling after the lovely wedding.

Take care, Laura xx

If another response appears it is because my ipad sent the reply so soon....so I am starting again in the vain hope it didn't post before!

So amazing your mum made the wedding that has made my day.  I was thinking about you all weekend wishing you all the best and hoping your mum had made it.  Bigs smiles for you all.

So sorry to hear your Mum is not doing so well now, her fight is amazing to see the next target as Mother's day.  Absolute troopers are Mum's :)

You BF sounds like he has been great, it is always good to have them to rely on plus the endless hugs.

My Mum is doing well, her and Dad had a weekend away last weekend and it seems to have restored her positivity and my Dad's.  They seem like new people and have decided to live life to the full which is awesome to see.  They have booked another weekend away in three weeks and are going to keep doing that for as long as they can.  We had Mum's final oncology appointment today as a fairwell.  Feels strange and horrible to know there are no more appointments I suppose those appointments were always hope things are improving and its that reality they aren't.  Too be honest I am struggling this week as I cannot even visualise that appointment when they told us the worst news, it is like a horrible dream and there is no waking up from it.

I am slightly in denial and living on those goods times and the memories we can make now.  I am still determined Mum will fight until the wedding....I am aiming high!!  :)

So so pleased to hear from you.  Keep smiling after the lovely wedding.

Take care, Laura xx