Hi Sara, 

I am glad you have been able to have a relaxing pedicure this week, it is good to find times to just feel a little bit normal and escape from the awful bubble you find yourself in. I am a primary school teacher and found that even being busy with school work was a nice normal distraction when my dad was ill. 

It must be hard trying to look forward to the wedding but I am sure that it will not be as bad as you think. I really hope that your mum is able to go. Having a carer is a really good idea. 

I think I felt like my relationship was on hold a bit when my dad was so poorly but it sounds like your boyfriend is supporting you well, so do not worry about that, it will all be fine, you can't possibly be expected to hold everything together when you are going through so much. 

I will be thinking about you lots this weekend. I hope it goes really well for you all. 

Lots of love

Emma xxx

Hi Sara,

I'm Nat, I can understand what you are feeling and experiencing. I have unfortunelty lost my mum 6 years ago, she was 57. I find it increadibly tough to talk to my fiancé about what happened and how I feel because he hasn't lost anyone close to him. You said that no one understands, there are people who do, you are not alone, on a planet filled with billions of people there are those who can relate. I was scared of losing my mum too, I thought of everything she would miss out on but you know what she hasn't and she won't, she'll just see it differently. 

She won't forget who you are, even though she is making no sense when she speaks I don't think she will forget you. It is an extremely scarry thought of her not bein around but it hasn't happened yet, cherrish every moment with her. 

You're freightened about how you're going to cope when the time comes, trust me you are strong. You may think you're not but you are. There are many ways in which people cope, there's no right or wrong way because everyone is different. One thing I can promise you is that you have family and a boyfriend who will support you the best they can and no doubt you will do the same for them. 

Take each day as it comes, You made the first steps by writing on here. I hope this has helped.

Take Care Sara x

Hi everyone sorry i have not been able to reply lately i have been so busy this wknd with the wedding. My mum made it thank god :) she saw the whole ceremony and made it untill about 8pm she only missed some of the dancing so she did really well!

The wedding was beautiful and my sister looked amazing it was the most emotional day ever and there were a few toasts and speeches for my mum and it was very hard to not cry! it was a great day.

On a negative mum is getting worse and worse, she is very very thin, she is barely eating/drinking and she is generally very fed up and in pain. I think it is now time for her to go into a hospice but it not up to me its up to her husband. I think the end is very near, i cried a lot last night. I know she wants to make it to mothers day but i dont know if she will. She is very poorly.  The wedding was kind of bitter sweet as we  know the worst is yet to come.

Thanks so much everyone for replying and im sorry i dont have time to respond to you all individually at the minute.

Hope to hear from you all soon and thanks for all the support. Saraxxx

Hi Hope

How are you ive not heard from you in a while i hope you are keeping well xx

Hi Laura

Sorry about the huge delay i did do an update about the wedding below not sure if youve seen it?

I understand what you mean about the  wedding it is his day to, its just a shame if your may cant be there but my mum wont be at my wedding ever as im not even engaged yet  :(  difficult situation. your mum seems like a huge fighter like my mum, they sound very similar! I feel the same about my BF he has been unreal he has been there thoughout and i think this has actually made us stronger!

How is your mum doing now? would love to hear from you take care. Sara xx

Hi Nat

Sorry its taken a while to repond and thanks so much for your email.

Im sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and thank you for sharing your story with me. Did your partner know your mum? i like the way that you say your mum will see it differently that is true i guess but i would rather my mum would see them down here with us if you know what i mean?

i dont know if she will forget me at some point as the cancer is in the brain and it is starting to affect her a little like she is forgetting things and saying the wrong things even though i know what she is trying to say.  I dont feel strong at all, even though people keep saying i am! i feel very weak and vunerable right now.

Hope to hear from you soon xx

Thats totally fine you have a great deal on your plate to deal with.

He never got the chance to meet her as I had met him 10 months after my mum past away.

I totally understand what you mean, we all what our loved ones to be arounf for the biggest days of our lives and even for the little things.

My mum was very forgetful, I went on a trip to New York with my college for a week and she went into hospital after I got back. I went to visit her and she said to be 'Are you excited for New York then?' I replied 'Mum I've been' then she realised and was apologetic but it became the norm really.

You are bound to feel weak and vunerable but from an outsiders perspective we can see the strength you do have. A lot of people use to ask us 'How do you cope?' and we would give the same answer 'We just do' There is no correct answer when it comes to coping, no right way to do it.

Take Care lovely xx

Hi Sara,

I am so pleased your mum made it to your sisters wedding. I can understand you when you say it was vey emotional at times. My mother was very ill at Christmas several tears ago when she was in her final stages on cancer but she fought through it and made to Jan 16th. I feel sure she only hang  on that long for she knew if she slipped away a Christmas she was woried it it spoil it fo me and not just that year but every year from then on. I dont know where they find the will to go on at times but they do.

Take care, Best wishes, Brian

If another response appears it is because my ipad sent the reply so soon....so I am starting again in the vain hope it didn't post before!

So amazing your mum made the wedding that has made my day.  I was thinking about you all weekend wishing you all the best and hoping your mum had made it.  Bigs smiles for you all.

So sorry to hear your Mum is not doing so well now, her fight is amazing to see the next target as Mother's day.  Absolute troopers are Mum's :)

You BF sounds like he has been great, it is always good to have them to rely on plus the endless hugs.

My Mum is doing well, her and Dad had a weekend away last weekend and it seems to have restored her positivity and my Dad's.  They seem like new people and have decided to live life to the full which is awesome to see.  They have booked another weekend away in three weeks and are going to keep doing that for as long as they can.  We had Mum's final oncology appointment today as a fairwell.  Feels strange and horrible to know there are no more appointments I suppose those appointments were always hope things are improving and its that reality they aren't.  Too be honest I am struggling this week as I cannot even visualise that appointment when they told us the worst news, it is like a horrible dream and there is no waking up from it.

I am slightly in denial and living on those goods times and the memories we can make now.  I am still determined Mum will fight until the wedding....I am aiming high!!  :)

So so pleased to hear from you.  Keep smiling after the lovely wedding.

Take care, Laura xx