Update on mum

Hi everyone. Sorry I have been away so long!! Only just remembered I had created an account on here!

Just thought I'd pop on and add an update for everyone I had spoken to in the past. I will recap for anyone else who reads this and doesn't know my story

My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer last year and was given radiotherapy to shrink the tumour as it couldn't be removed safely due to it's location. We were hopeful since after her treatment she had a scan and was told it had shrunk dramatically. Unfortunately two days after this she took a turn for the worst and ended up in hospital in a bad state. We eventually spoke to a consultant who told us it had spread to her brain and was terminal. She bounced back after this and was released home, and was told perhaps chemo would prolong her life and was her decision, this is where I left off last time I wrote on here. Just an update to say she decided against the chemo after being told it may not help and would make her pretty sick, wasn't worth it at the time as she was still pretty able and in a good way. Since then she has been in and out of hospital a few times, nothing as serious as the first time. Celebrated Christmas, new year & just recently my birthday. Glad for this although she is sadly getting weaker and sorer, spends most of the the time resting.

Anyway just thought I would post an update! Thank you for reading xxx

Parents
  • Hi again everyone.. How are we all??

    I am doing ok which I find weird.. I don't understand it but I don't feel anything? I feel like I'm numb...

    Have organised the flowers and outfits for the funeral and we were picking out pictures for the order of service last night and I don't know why but whenever I saw a picture of mum it almost felt like id never knew her or had her.. And then I feel terrible for thinking this? But I can't explain why I think this way.. Maybe because the cancer had effected her for so long before her death I don't know,,

    xxx

  • Hi Candy,

    Brian is right and you mustn't feel bad right now, or ever in fact.  I can tell you that I remember feeling quite similar after Dad died when there was just a feeling of being in some kind of limbo and waiting.  At least in my case it turned out I was waiting for his funeral and I think the dread of that took over any feelings of grief until it was done.  Now as we have said before everyone is different and after being told by others that despite the pain of attending the funeral of a loved one there was also a feeling of relief afterwards I'm afraid that relief is something I never experienced and despite being very upset during Dad's funeral it was the evening after when I broke down "properly" for the first time since his cancer was diagnosed.

    I am no expert but perhaps your feeling of never having known your Mum is simply not wanting to remember as those memories are too painful right now.  I have no doubt that when you are ready you will recall an awful lot about your Mum and although you will feel sad and they may upset you, in time that will change and good memories of her will make you smile.  I'm afraid it will take time though but for now just carry on taking things a day at a time.

    Please let us know when the funeral is as even though you are in my thoughts a lot I want to try and send you some extra strength that day if possible.

    Hugs and best wishes to you and your family.

    Garf. xxx

Reply
  • Hi Candy,

    Brian is right and you mustn't feel bad right now, or ever in fact.  I can tell you that I remember feeling quite similar after Dad died when there was just a feeling of being in some kind of limbo and waiting.  At least in my case it turned out I was waiting for his funeral and I think the dread of that took over any feelings of grief until it was done.  Now as we have said before everyone is different and after being told by others that despite the pain of attending the funeral of a loved one there was also a feeling of relief afterwards I'm afraid that relief is something I never experienced and despite being very upset during Dad's funeral it was the evening after when I broke down "properly" for the first time since his cancer was diagnosed.

    I am no expert but perhaps your feeling of never having known your Mum is simply not wanting to remember as those memories are too painful right now.  I have no doubt that when you are ready you will recall an awful lot about your Mum and although you will feel sad and they may upset you, in time that will change and good memories of her will make you smile.  I'm afraid it will take time though but for now just carry on taking things a day at a time.

    Please let us know when the funeral is as even though you are in my thoughts a lot I want to try and send you some extra strength that day if possible.

    Hugs and best wishes to you and your family.

    Garf. xxx

Children
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