Hi again everyone.. How are we all??

I am doing ok which I find weird.. I don't understand it but I don't feel anything? I feel like I'm numb...

Have organised the flowers and outfits for the funeral and we were picking out pictures for the order of service last night and I don't know why but whenever I saw a picture of mum it almost felt like id never knew her or had her.. And then I feel terrible for thinking this? But I can't explain why I think this way.. Maybe because the cancer had effected her for so long before her death I don't know,,

xxx

Hi again everyone.. How are we all??

I am doing ok which I find weird.. I don't understand it but I don't feel anything? I feel like I'm numb...

Have organised the flowers and outfits for the funeral and we were picking out pictures for the order of service last night and I don't know why but whenever I saw a picture of mum it almost felt like id never knew her or had her.. And then I feel terrible for thinking this? But I can't explain why I think this way.. Maybe because the cancer had effected her for so long before her death I don't know,,

xxx

Hi Candy,

I think part of reason your feeling like you are is your loss hasn't fully sunk in yet. I know when I lost my mother, the first week or so felt like it was a bad dream and it wasn't really happening, so please don't feel bad about this as it happens to others as well. I remember I kept thinking I will wake up shortly and find it just a bad dream, even though I knew it was real. I think it our brains way of protecting us from the wave of grief that would otherwise engulf us.

Take care Candy, will be thinking of you, Brian.

Hi Candy,

Brian is right and you mustn't feel bad right now, or ever in fact.  I can tell you that I remember feeling quite similar after Dad died when there was just a feeling of being in some kind of limbo and waiting.  At least in my case it turned out I was waiting for his funeral and I think the dread of that took over any feelings of grief until it was done.  Now as we have said before everyone is different and after being told by others that despite the pain of attending the funeral of a loved one there was also a feeling of relief afterwards I'm afraid that relief is something I never experienced and despite being very upset during Dad's funeral it was the evening after when I broke down "properly" for the first time since his cancer was diagnosed.

I am no expert but perhaps your feeling of never having known your Mum is simply not wanting to remember as those memories are too painful right now.  I have no doubt that when you are ready you will recall an awful lot about your Mum and although you will feel sad and they may upset you, in time that will change and good memories of her will make you smile.  I'm afraid it will take time though but for now just carry on taking things a day at a time.

Please let us know when the funeral is as even though you are in my thoughts a lot I want to try and send you some extra strength that day if possible.

Hugs and best wishes to you and your family.

Garf. xxx

Hi Candy,

Brian and Garf are right; our brains do strange things to us at times like this and whatever you feel is normal for you.  I do remember feeling numb too, but for me that was quickly followed by pain and sadness.  Grief is such an individual thing, there is no right or wrong, just go with your feelings and expect them to change daily (sometimes even hourly). For me almost a year since my Dad's death and over 6 months since my Mum's, I am still grieving and have had to come to accept that for me there are still bad days. When we see our loved ones deteriorate and die they don't really seem like the people they really were, and perhaps you are right in your explanation of looking at photos of your Mum.  On the otherhand  it could just be your own mechanism for coping with what is too painful to think about just now; either way I hope you can have happy memories of your Mum.  Wishing you strength going forward, and you know where we are if you need us.  Hope x