Bless you hon. What a rollercoaster you’re continually going through. All I can say is that I hope it turns out to be nothing and I’m glad you’re being seen straight away. I can’t relate to your experiences as a patient but I can relate in some ways being a carer for my husband and know exactly what you mean about living under a black cloud. I also can relate to the feeling of expecting the worst all the time too. Every time my husband and I see his consultant it just seems to be more and more bad news. I sincerely hope this is not the case for you now and you get the reprieve you deserve. 

When is your consultant appointment? Let us know how you get on and I’m sure others will respond to your post soon x

Bless you hon. What a rollercoaster you’re continually going through. All I can say is that I hope it turns out to be nothing and I’m glad you’re being seen straight away. I can’t relate to your experiences as a patient but I can relate in some ways being a carer for my husband and know exactly what you mean about living under a black cloud. I also can relate to the feeling of expecting the worst all the time too. Every time my husband and I see his consultant it just seems to be more and more bad news. I sincerely hope this is not the case for you now and you get the reprieve you deserve. 

When is your consultant appointment? Let us know how you get on and I’m sure others will respond to your post soon x

Thank you for your reply.

My appointment is tomorrow!

And again my mind is thinking all the worst things..... like why am I getting seen in a few days.... maybe they had spaces or maybe they are worried too.

I could just sit and cry but I know when I go, I will either be devastated or on top of the world when I leave. Anxiety is 10 out of 10 at the moment, I could be sick but I'm trying to keep busy and tell myself it could be something and nothing.

Hi there,

so sorry for the late reply - I’m struggling to find the time to keep up with things at the moment but I will always respond when I can. 

How did your appointment go?

i understand your anxiety levels. We’ve just seen Will’s oncologist now - no scan results or anything, just a catch up this time, as going in after a scan for us tends to be nothing but bad news and I end up breaking down. And my head takes me to places like considering suicide - not particularly helpful!

Good luck x

I know its not for everyone but have you ever tried meditation?  I never thought I would be able to sit still and concentrate long enough but it has really helped me.  There are apps such as Insight Timer, Calm, I think one called Mindspace.  Or listen on youtube.  Gabrielle Bernstein is good and I also like Deepak Chopra. 

Like I said, not for everyone but try to find something that helps with anxiety and worry - keeping busy.  I also like the gym (ha ha!), beasting myself is the only relaxing part of the day.

I also listen to audibles or podcasts.  Anything is worth a try.

Good luck.  I know what you mean, positive thinking can be a challenge when going through a tough time.  Always something to be grateful for.  Every day I wake up is a blessing xxxx

Hi again

I go to my local mind body spirit group, they do a cancer rehab group.

A mixture of yoga, pilates meditation.

I have made some lovely friends there, it's nice to chat to people who know exactly how you feel and we are there for each other.

I was thinking of joining a class that they do that is just meditation.

I also did an anxiety management course for cancer patients where we did a little and it is calming.

it all sounds good.  How are you doing today, hope you are feeling ok.

Lovely to have people around you who know what you are going through and friendly faces.