Hello Bubbles,

I can completely relate. I have crippling health anxiety. Currently writing this from my bed as I've tried getting up this afternoon and felt so ill from.the anxiety that i decided my bed is my safe place! Ive recently been given an urgent 2 week referral too. I found a lump in one breast which is very painful but wasnt too worried..at the time! As soon as my doctor felt my other breast and found another lump I didn't know i had, I immediately went into shut down mode! Barely eaten in the three days since. Not even thirsty. I feel frozen with fear and imagining all sorts (hair loss, death etc!). Im already scared if death and now i just feel debilitated and desperate. Ive tried borrowing some money to book privately but ironically, they're all closed at the weekend, which has made me feel worse. My mum died of ovarian cancer but no ine else in my family has Cancer history so im trying to calm down but instead my brain is on overdrive.

Feel so scared and alone. 

Im thinking of you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Hugs x

Hi Danni your not alone lovely. I’ve been the same in bed unable to get up. Literally crippled with fear. It’s debilitating isn’t it  I would call them Monday to be asked to go on the cancellation list. I’m going to call back too. Let’s try and help each other get through the wait. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, the trauma of that won’t help your anxiety either. Sending you so much love xxx

Hello Bubbles, sorry, me again... I'm really surprised you've not heard from the NHS at all?!! This wont be helping your anxiety at all..when did your Gp refer you? Hugs xx

Is anyone else panicking a lot, in fits and starts? I can't move. Feel frozen with fear and imagining horrific things (funeral, being cremated, buried, sock, bald, frail and going downhill until black and nothing..which is what I'm so scared of). I cant seem to get myself out of it .does anyone else have these thoughts at the moment? Im boiling hurt and hurt all over so convinced it's cancer and its spreading all over my body with every niggle and pain. I keep thinking of the consultant asking me if i want anyone with me... Giving me the results and me just being sick... I know i shouldn't but now i can't eat again. X

I’m so pleased your partners supportive danni. It’s been hard for you but it sounds like your partner helps to pick you back up. 

im so glad you have an appointment tomorrow! The waiting is horrific and something no one can understand. I felt this whilst waiting for mums biopsy results. She should have her follow up in a few weeks so hoping it’s still all good. 

I broke down big time this evening all I could think about was not being here anymore and never seeing my family again. I know I sound bonkers but in my head it all feels so real. 
my partner has paid for me to see a breast consultant tomorrow so she can properly see the images from my ultrasound and hopefully agree with the diagnosis. Just hope she doesn’t think different! My app is 3.30. Il be thinking of you tomorrow xxxxx

Oh Dannii I’m so sorry you are having to go through this too. I definitely go through times when I’m panicking and then I distract myself again, then back to panicking 

I’ve convinced  myself today that it’s IBC as the symptoms have changed and feel so stressed as know it’s really invasive. I also had Covid a few weeks ago and my first symptom was this horrific dry mouth, which has never left me so now I’m considering all sorts as to whether the cancer is already elsewhere.

this is so tough. Try to keep calm, I shouldn’t say it as it’s not always helpful but can you have a glass of wine, or a bath , watch something funny on tv. Something you’ve watched before that doesn’t take a lot of thought xx

Good luck Nhj91 please let us know how you get on xx

Bubbles I can’t believe your appointment hasn’t come through :( as danni said Is there anyone you can contact to chase? Xx

I will thank you. Just responded about you not receiving your appointment that’s awful  x

Me again! It was only Thursday the NHS referral but bearing in mind they are targeted to see you within two weeks, time is ticking! 

I think I will stick to my private one on the 13th, I can’t see the NHs coming back to me and seeing me before then but if they do I will jump at it x

Yes I feel you!! I’ve been on the sofa all day. I’ve been sick and crying constantly. I thought about my family and how I may never see them again. It’s breaking me. I feel guilty I’m seeing this consultant tomorrow now as my poor mum had to wait admittedly they got her in within two days of receiving the referral. I still feel guilty. My mental health is truly broken, I’m consumed with fear. Xx 

Yes I feel you!! I’ve been on the sofa all day. I’ve been sick and crying constantly. I thought about my family and how I may never see them again. It’s breaking me. I feel guilty I’m seeing this consultant tomorrow now as my poor mum had to wait admittedly they got her in within two days of receiving the referral. I still feel guilty. My mental health is truly broken, I’m consumed with fear. Xx 

Hi Nhj91,

I shall be thinking of you tomorrow and hope that nothing untoward is found.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you jolamine. You really helped when I had the breakdown over mums biopsy. I’m not sure if you remember me saying about it coming back benign but worried about her follow up. You calmed me down and rationalised her biopsy results for me. Xx

Oh Im so sorry to hear this...i can relate 100 percent and im so sorry you're feeling this way. Ive tried every trick in the book but it doesn't seem to be subsiding. Ive nothing to help me sleep (i have an amazing app but when im panicking i get so ill that nothing helps). I know you're feeling guilty about your mum but please, please dont . I know that's easier said than done! Your situations are slightly different and people's mental health is different. Remember we are unique! There's no right or wrong way and your mum is very lucky to have you as a lovely, caring daughter and im certain she knows this. So please, just for today and tomorrow..take every day at a time (I sometimes wish I could take my own advice). The consuming of fear is normal and human. Im exactly the same (been sat down since i got hime and haven't even moved to take my coat off). Filled out the hospital questionnaire which in itself was stressful but everytime i got a pain I was telling myself i know the outcome tomorrow. You are right, it's torture but im hoping the person viewing your results will be patient and explain things thoroughly, confirming that you are safe. 

Reach out anytime, we are all here for you xx

thank you danni. How are you feeling? I can’t rest as thinking about tomorrow!! I’m certain I’d need a biopsy for sure as apparently fibroadenoma in 30yr plus require biopsy. In which case I won’t be able to afford that tomorrow and will have to wait for next week at the clinic. I guess what I want to get from tomorrow is the breast consultant to review my images and give me her conclusion on them just at least for piece of mind that she thinks they look innocent xx

Im not good at all, tonight. Im trying but Keep panicking..badly! Trying to think positively has well and truly gine out of the window. I cannot afford anything after tomorrow...so gid knows what will happen if i need an aspiration or biopsy. Do I keep my NHS appointment still?  And just turn up to have a consult, with my results from tomorrow? Feels like Im going mad as I literally know nothing at all. Im hoping you'll have the positive confirmation tomorrow that you've nothing to worry about and the lady you're seeing will help you feel reassured... We must trust the professionals. Thinking of you xx

Hey danni I’m sorry your not good  just think we will have more answers this time tomorrow!! I would keep your nhs one just incase you have to pay extra for extra tests which I know private do. I’m paying for my consultation which I’m assuming she’ll do a psychical check and go through my concerns but I was told if I want further tests I’d have to pay extra so like a scan and biopsy. Yours might be different? Xxx I’m thinking of you too! It’s stressful times xxx

I know but that's what im worried about and have read some absolutely terrible reviews on my clinic, which has just made me feel worse. They told me the wrong pricing over the phone too and now Im about to borrow a lot of money and worried they will be awful. I can't escape my thoughts tonight. Ive been told my price is for a consultancy and either a mammogram or an ultrasound only. I cant do anything else after that. Xxx

Try not to worry about some of the reviews. What sort of stuff have they been saying? That’s good you have a scan included. Your get an idea of what’s going on and will hopefully offer some relief for you. I do get what your saying because I’m not sure how il take it tomorrow if it’s bad and I have to wait till next week for a biopsy. My heart just did a thud thinking about it! I’m trying to remain calm because either way I know I’m going to have to follow through with these investigations to get a definite diagnosis it’s All the uncertainty which is stressful. Xxx

Hello.. reviews were saying that they were rude staff, poor communication, some had attitudes..it ranged really. Ive been told three different things so far about the one stop clinic appointment but im so desperate I feel if I wait any longer, Im going to have a total breakdown. Like you say, the uncertainty is horrific xxx

I get it I really do. I’ve been nearly bricking it tonight and thinking I can’t go and bury my head in the sand. It will just eat away so I’m going to go with the motions at the mo. I feel I’m having a breakdown at the moment to be honest I’ve been like it for a couple of months but things like this naturally make it worse. Deep breaths… we’ve got this xxx