Hello Bubbles,

I can completely relate. I have crippling health anxiety. Currently writing this from my bed as I've tried getting up this afternoon and felt so ill from.the anxiety that i decided my bed is my safe place! Ive recently been given an urgent 2 week referral too. I found a lump in one breast which is very painful but wasnt too worried..at the time! As soon as my doctor felt my other breast and found another lump I didn't know i had, I immediately went into shut down mode! Barely eaten in the three days since. Not even thirsty. I feel frozen with fear and imagining all sorts (hair loss, death etc!). Im already scared if death and now i just feel debilitated and desperate. Ive tried borrowing some money to book privately but ironically, they're all closed at the weekend, which has made me feel worse. My mum died of ovarian cancer but no ine else in my family has Cancer history so im trying to calm down but instead my brain is on overdrive.

Feel so scared and alone. 

Im thinking of you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Hugs x

Hi Danni your not alone lovely. I’ve been the same in bed unable to get up. Literally crippled with fear. It’s debilitating isn’t it  I would call them Monday to be asked to go on the cancellation list. I’m going to call back too. Let’s try and help each other get through the wait. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, the trauma of that won’t help your anxiety either. Sending you so much love xxx

Hello ..so sorry for late reply...please remind me when your clinic appointment is? My brain is very foggy at the moment!! You really mustn't worry about worrying! No one could blame you.. it's an EXTREMELY worrying and stressful time in your life and no one can be strong, all of the time...So sorry to hear that you too have had so much loss and upset. Sometimes I dont know how some people get through day after day. I guess we just do?! It's no wonder you have so much angst on your shoulders but you must never apologise for feeling the way you do. Watching your mum suffering and finding life debilitating is bound to hard because you take on her pain as well. I think we always used to think of our parents as 'indestructible' when we were younger. My partner is about my only supportive network really, ive lost most of my family members and left my best friend back in Kent when i moved up North. It can definitely be a bit lonely. Work people can be lovely but i wouldn't offload much to them. 

Im sure your partner seems peeved but im betting he may also be very worried about you too? Men are or can be fab but they'll never understand us ladies or our bodies! 

Im feeling a bit off as i managed to find a clinic that will see me tomorrow. Expensive but im going out of my mind and ill just have to make do for however long it takes for me to pay it back. Tomorrow will be sickening at work in the morning. App at 2.45 xx

Hi Bubbles

Heart palpitations and feeling sick all day. Im pleased ive found a clinic that will see me tomorrow but equally feeling sick and faint as ive decided what they'll say and the words they'll use, everything. Work will be tough in the morning. Just full of panic and trying to do breathing exercises a lot. Ive also convinced myself that my nipple now looks more red but everytime i check..i find another lump. Its like im obsessively looking prodding and poking. I really hope you get an appointment very soon!!! Xx

Fantastic news that you will see someone tomorrow, will be routing for you. Keep doing those breathing exercises and will keep everything crossed that you are back on tomorrow with good news xx

Thank you so much. Im definitely convinced and fearing of the worst though. I wish i could think about something else xx

Hello Bubbles, sorry, me again... I'm really surprised you've not heard from the NHS at all?!! This wont be helping your anxiety at all..when did your Gp refer you? Hugs xx

Is anyone else panicking a lot, in fits and starts? I can't move. Feel frozen with fear and imagining horrific things (funeral, being cremated, buried, sock, bald, frail and going downhill until black and nothing..which is what I'm so scared of). I cant seem to get myself out of it .does anyone else have these thoughts at the moment? Im boiling hurt and hurt all over so convinced it's cancer and its spreading all over my body with every niggle and pain. I keep thinking of the consultant asking me if i want anyone with me... Giving me the results and me just being sick... I know i shouldn't but now i can't eat again. X

I’m so pleased your partners supportive danni. It’s been hard for you but it sounds like your partner helps to pick you back up. 

im so glad you have an appointment tomorrow! The waiting is horrific and something no one can understand. I felt this whilst waiting for mums biopsy results. She should have her follow up in a few weeks so hoping it’s still all good. 

I broke down big time this evening all I could think about was not being here anymore and never seeing my family again. I know I sound bonkers but in my head it all feels so real. 
my partner has paid for me to see a breast consultant tomorrow so she can properly see the images from my ultrasound and hopefully agree with the diagnosis. Just hope she doesn’t think different! My app is 3.30. Il be thinking of you tomorrow xxxxx

Oh Dannii I’m so sorry you are having to go through this too. I definitely go through times when I’m panicking and then I distract myself again, then back to panicking 

I’ve convinced  myself today that it’s IBC as the symptoms have changed and feel so stressed as know it’s really invasive. I also had Covid a few weeks ago and my first symptom was this horrific dry mouth, which has never left me so now I’m considering all sorts as to whether the cancer is already elsewhere.

this is so tough. Try to keep calm, I shouldn’t say it as it’s not always helpful but can you have a glass of wine, or a bath , watch something funny on tv. Something you’ve watched before that doesn’t take a lot of thought xx

Good luck Nhj91 please let us know how you get on xx

Bubbles I can’t believe your appointment hasn’t come through :( as danni said Is there anyone you can contact to chase? Xx

Bubbles I can’t believe your appointment hasn’t come through :( as danni said Is there anyone you can contact to chase? Xx

I think I will stick to my private one on the 13th, I can’t see the NHs coming back to me and seeing me before then but if they do I will jump at it x

Oh yes I remember you saying about the 13th. Hopefully they contact in the mean time. Xx