Hello Bubbles,

I can completely relate. I have crippling health anxiety. Currently writing this from my bed as I've tried getting up this afternoon and felt so ill from.the anxiety that i decided my bed is my safe place! Ive recently been given an urgent 2 week referral too. I found a lump in one breast which is very painful but wasnt too worried..at the time! As soon as my doctor felt my other breast and found another lump I didn't know i had, I immediately went into shut down mode! Barely eaten in the three days since. Not even thirsty. I feel frozen with fear and imagining all sorts (hair loss, death etc!). Im already scared if death and now i just feel debilitated and desperate. Ive tried borrowing some money to book privately but ironically, they're all closed at the weekend, which has made me feel worse. My mum died of ovarian cancer but no ine else in my family has Cancer history so im trying to calm down but instead my brain is on overdrive.

Feel so scared and alone. 

Im thinking of you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Hugs x

Hi Danni your not alone lovely. I’ve been the same in bed unable to get up. Literally crippled with fear. It’s debilitating isn’t it  I would call them Monday to be asked to go on the cancellation list. I’m going to call back too. Let’s try and help each other get through the wait. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, the trauma of that won’t help your anxiety either. Sending you so much love xxx

Thank you Ben 

I’m not good I feel so ill with worry. I feel guilty because I should be reassured but I can’t rest till the clinic. Just seen your not doing good :-( keep strong. It’s awful the wait it really is xx 

Thank you, you too. I’ve never noticed this orange peel look and I’ve got a lot of photos from the start so now I’m really panicking. Hang on to the reassurance Nhj91 

Hi Vickie,

I hope that it all goes well today.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Have been thinking of you today, Vicki. Will message more later xx

Hello ..so sorry for late reply...please remind me when your clinic appointment is? My brain is very foggy at the moment!! You really mustn't worry about worrying! No one could blame you.. it's an EXTREMELY worrying and stressful time in your life and no one can be strong, all of the time...So sorry to hear that you too have had so much loss and upset. Sometimes I dont know how some people get through day after day. I guess we just do?! It's no wonder you have so much angst on your shoulders but you must never apologise for feeling the way you do. Watching your mum suffering and finding life debilitating is bound to hard because you take on her pain as well. I think we always used to think of our parents as 'indestructible' when we were younger. My partner is about my only supportive network really, ive lost most of my family members and left my best friend back in Kent when i moved up North. It can definitely be a bit lonely. Work people can be lovely but i wouldn't offload much to them. 

Im sure your partner seems peeved but im betting he may also be very worried about you too? Men are or can be fab but they'll never understand us ladies or our bodies! 

Im feeling a bit off as i managed to find a clinic that will see me tomorrow. Expensive but im going out of my mind and ill just have to make do for however long it takes for me to pay it back. Tomorrow will be sickening at work in the morning. App at 2.45 xx

Hi Bubbles

Heart palpitations and feeling sick all day. Im pleased ive found a clinic that will see me tomorrow but equally feeling sick and faint as ive decided what they'll say and the words they'll use, everything. Work will be tough in the morning. Just full of panic and trying to do breathing exercises a lot. Ive also convinced myself that my nipple now looks more red but everytime i check..i find another lump. Its like im obsessively looking prodding and poking. I really hope you get an appointment very soon!!! Xx

Fantastic news that you will see someone tomorrow, will be routing for you. Keep doing those breathing exercises and will keep everything crossed that you are back on tomorrow with good news xx

Thank you so much. Im definitely convinced and fearing of the worst though. I wish i could think about something else xx

Hello Bubbles, sorry, me again... I'm really surprised you've not heard from the NHS at all?!! This wont be helping your anxiety at all..when did your Gp refer you? Hugs xx

Hello Bubbles, sorry, me again... I'm really surprised you've not heard from the NHS at all?!! This wont be helping your anxiety at all..when did your Gp refer you? Hugs xx

Is anyone else panicking a lot, in fits and starts? I can't move. Feel frozen with fear and imagining horrific things (funeral, being cremated, buried, sock, bald, frail and going downhill until black and nothing..which is what I'm so scared of). I cant seem to get myself out of it .does anyone else have these thoughts at the moment? Im boiling hurt and hurt all over so convinced it's cancer and its spreading all over my body with every niggle and pain. I keep thinking of the consultant asking me if i want anyone with me... Giving me the results and me just being sick... I know i shouldn't but now i can't eat again. X

Oh Dannii I’m so sorry you are having to go through this too. I definitely go through times when I’m panicking and then I distract myself again, then back to panicking 

I’ve convinced  myself today that it’s IBC as the symptoms have changed and feel so stressed as know it’s really invasive. I also had Covid a few weeks ago and my first symptom was this horrific dry mouth, which has never left me so now I’m considering all sorts as to whether the cancer is already elsewhere.

this is so tough. Try to keep calm, I shouldn’t say it as it’s not always helpful but can you have a glass of wine, or a bath , watch something funny on tv. Something you’ve watched before that doesn’t take a lot of thought xx

Bubbles I can’t believe your appointment hasn’t come through :( as danni said Is there anyone you can contact to chase? Xx

Me again! It was only Thursday the NHS referral but bearing in mind they are targeted to see you within two weeks, time is ticking! 

I think I will stick to my private one on the 13th, I can’t see the NHs coming back to me and seeing me before then but if they do I will jump at it x

Yes I feel you!! I’ve been on the sofa all day. I’ve been sick and crying constantly. I thought about my family and how I may never see them again. It’s breaking me. I feel guilty I’m seeing this consultant tomorrow now as my poor mum had to wait admittedly they got her in within two days of receiving the referral. I still feel guilty. My mental health is truly broken, I’m consumed with fear. Xx 

Oh yes I remember you saying about the 13th. Hopefully they contact in the mean time. Xx

Hi Nhj91,

I shall be thinking of you tomorrow and hope that nothing untoward is found.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you jolamine. You really helped when I had the breakdown over mums biopsy. I’m not sure if you remember me saying about it coming back benign but worried about her follow up. You calmed me down and rationalised her biopsy results for me. Xx

Oh Im so sorry to hear this...i can relate 100 percent and im so sorry you're feeling this way. Ive tried every trick in the book but it doesn't seem to be subsiding. Ive nothing to help me sleep (i have an amazing app but when im panicking i get so ill that nothing helps). I know you're feeling guilty about your mum but please, please dont . I know that's easier said than done! Your situations are slightly different and people's mental health is different. Remember we are unique! There's no right or wrong way and your mum is very lucky to have you as a lovely, caring daughter and im certain she knows this. So please, just for today and tomorrow..take every day at a time (I sometimes wish I could take my own advice). The consuming of fear is normal and human. Im exactly the same (been sat down since i got hime and haven't even moved to take my coat off). Filled out the hospital questionnaire which in itself was stressful but everytime i got a pain I was telling myself i know the outcome tomorrow. You are right, it's torture but im hoping the person viewing your results will be patient and explain things thoroughly, confirming that you are safe. 

Reach out anytime, we are all here for you xx