I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi,

You are impressively organised, although you have been waiting for this for a long time. I certainly had it easy just going straight for the surgery.  They wanted me to start the Letrozole two weeks after my second op, but I managed to avoid it for another six weeks or so.  Now I think I might be getting away easily with that, too, as my side effect symptoms are minor compared to the pain I had in my knee.   Pain, which I am delighted to say, is considerably diminished since Thursday. My wonderful doctor injected both knees and I woke up on Friday morning pain free!!! It still hurts a bit now and then but nothing like it was before. I think my knees are going to send him a valentine card!  In the afternoon I had to go for the new hearing aids and do some shopping so I didn't rest the knees as much as I was supposed to, but I am 90% better than I was so I'm not complaining.  I am so much better that yesterday Archie and I went for a long walk up the lane at the end of our cul de sac, leading to two fisheries, several fields of sheep and ending up at the deer farm.The horses have been taken indoors for the winter and there were only six deer outside, the rest were probably in their covered shelter, sensible creatures.

My new hearing aids are amazing, I can now hear myself saying words beginning with 's' whereas before I had lost all such high frequency sounds.  I don't need subtitles on the telly and the volume is down to normal!  The aids are being put away, religiously, at night and stashed on top of the wardrobe, way out of Archie's reach. I hope I remember to do that every time I remove them.

I had to go to a different hospital the day before the surgery to get my radioactive injection.  It was nothing, I didn't even go blue!  I had a letter telling me to phone the ward at 6pm the night before surgery to find out when I needed to go in. I was quite surprised the first time when they said come in at 8o'clock, we were in the pub!  By the time I went for the second op it was old hat. 

It was lucky that your sister came over when she did, she or she could be languishing in quarantine in China already. What a palaver getting her flight cancelled.  What are her plans now then?

My painting still has very vague features, in fact the man's have been wiped out as I realised I hadn't made his face quite long enough. He's wearing a smart jacket now, a decent shirt and a half done tie. It has a pattern on it that will need a small brush and steady hand to get even a rough likeness, so I will wait until everything else is finished and dry before doing that. The lady still has orange hair and vaguely recognisable features, not that they are hers, necessarily. Her jacket now looks ok but her dress has a pattern that I'm going to struggle with.  I might use artistic license and give her a different dress altogether. I'm only going to start her face and hair after her husband is done because he is easier to get a decent likeness as he has strong features, whereas she is quite pretty, not what an artist wants to paint, at all! I have to wait another day or two to see if today's efforts are dry.

Today I thought I was going to get away without walking Archie as every time I opened the door and offered him out he gave me a look and went back in. However, there was a window in the cloud for about half an hour and we went for a short walk. There was a lot of debris on the main road from old trees that border one side but the rain held off until we got blown back indoors. He looks funny in the wind with all his hair blowing in all directions.

Enjoy the next couple of days, and I hope all your preparation makes things easier for you come d-day.  If we don't hear from you before, all the best for your surgery and hope to hear from you after the event all bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Christine xxx

Hi ladies,

So my mood has lifted and feel ok again, just constantly tired but I can live with that. Might mention it at my 6 month check up in April, if still happening then.

Sam, count down now!! Are you feel a bit apprehensive? They were going to do the wire insertion before my surgery, which I was worried about but then there was no need as the surgeon was confident that the lump was big enough for her to find. 
My dog is a springer spaniel. He is 9 years old and quite a lazy but intelligent dog! He's a proper mummy's boy. 

Keep us informed with how it goes on Thursday! The day after my surgery I felt like pants, but due more to the anaesthetic I think. By the second day I was out walking the dog and making jam! I joined a fb breast cancer group but left after a week as I found it too depressive!!! I didn't want to hear all the awful stories and wanted to stay positive, so left. 
Christine, how wonderful to hear that your knee is so much better!! And that your painting is going well!! Good news about the new hearing aids too - just make sure you remember to put them away!! 
My hubby is taking my 3 boys away next week, snow boarding until next Sunday. I don't do snowboarding as broke my arm at the local practise dome!! I will miss them all terribly but will be in bed very early I reckon.  Then I'm off to Iceland in a couple of weeks, for a friend's 50th. So busy times ahead!! 
Take care lovely ladies and look forward to hearing your news soon.

Caroline xx
 

Hi Caroline, 

I find my mood has lifted since my knee stopped hurting so much, but, like you, I feel desperately tired. If I can get my *** into gear and start doing something, I'm ok but I could sit on it all day before it can move. I am sleeping very well, so that's a positive. I'm using a Fitbit that my daughter passed on to me when she got an upgrade. I only use it to see how much exercise I am getting in a day and how much sleep I get at night. My daily step count isn't fantastic but it is improving every week.

i am shocked to hear your Springer is lazy, is it just his age? When I had one I couldn't tire him out. I never knew such an active dog. They are smart though, not like my dozy bones Archie, who isn't interested if it isn't edible or expensive to replace.

You'll be able to rest a bit more when the family are off on their jollies. It sounds like you are really getting your life back together and it's good to hear.  I'm getting there, too. Now my knee is less troublesome I shall be doing far more then I have been.

Christine xx

Hi Sam,

Just wanted to send my love in preparation of tomorrow's surgery! Have everything crossed it all goes according to plan!! Hope the wire thingie went ok today!! Let us know how it all goes and how you are.

caroline xx

Hi Sam, 

Just wanted to send my best wishes for tomorrow, You might already be in hospital as I write this, so get your eye blinds on and earplugs in or you won't get any sleep, as you know. 

Look forward to hearing that everything has gone ok and you are facing the world in your own inimitable way!

Christine xxx

C&C

Cheers ladies, thanks for the wishes, really nice.  Especially on the back of a full day at the hospital, a near fainting incident (apparently it happens quite often) and one boob with wire in it (and outside of it too...its a bit painful when I use LHS) and the other with radiation in it (injection made me swear...so unlike me...yeah right).

So am well pooped after a full on day, on the plus side should hopefully sleep well.  In at 11 for surgery in the afternoon (no idea what time...what's new?).

The next time I write I will be down a DD!  And good blummin riddance. Bring on the morphine (I can but hope).

Sam X

Best of luck.  Have been following you but haven't contributed to chat.  I was lucky, lump found last July. Op to remove just the lump in August.  All clear and limph nodes clear too.  4 weeks of radiotherapy November/December.  Now on Letrozole with no ill effects.  See Consultant next Monday to be hopefully signed off all clear.  Stay positive.

Just a quick note to let you know it all went swimmingly, am now 614 grams lighter!

Pain negligible, drain very annoying as is cold that I have and glad to say constipation appears to be easing (green poo was an interesting development!).

Will write more soon when Mother clears off later on today.

Sam X

Yay!!! Glad to hear it went well. Rest now and we'll catch up soon!

Christine

Oh brilliant to hear from you!!! And that all is going well. I'm sure the drain will be gone soon enough!

Caroline x

Oh brilliant to hear from you!!! And that all is going well. I'm sure the drain will be gone soon enough!

Caroline x

Hope your recovery goes well.  I have just go back from hospital after check up.  I am all clear and have been discharged.  Just yearly mammograms and letrozole.

Oh that's brilliant news! You must be feeling very relieved! Got my first check up in April.

Caroline x

Good news Pandy - well done to you & your body!  Will be joining you on the big L very soon.

So its my first day home alone, I wonder what damage I can do eh?  Still on regular paracetamol here which seems to be doing the trick.  Under arm does feel a little painful today (like there's a lump of lego stabbing me in the side) but am off for drain removal at 4pm so they can check for any lego pieces I guess.  I will be SOOO glad to be rid of this drain, given the level of yuck has not increased hardly at all since leaving hospital I'm not sure I have as much fluid circulating around my body compared to the average...I think its my bodies way of saying it needs the reintroduction of alcohol (still not fancying it, along with pizza...end of Feb maybe?).

The really annoying thing about my Mother not being here anymore is that I will have to do my own washing up (boo!), cooking I don't mind too much but washing up is quite a chore...may just leave it till the boyfriend comes round to check that I've not managed to strangle myself on my drain tube or fall asleep with a mouthful of strepsils (he really doesn't trust me at all!).

Am still doing well on the exercises, find the last one with arms out to side & behind head the most challenging one and am sure am providing a regular source of great amusement to those smoking outside the pub opposite when doing said exercises (I should be charging you know).

You'll all be glad to know that the green poo has gone and the dulcoease has done its trick, always nice for me & my bowels to be harmonised once again!

Am also doing well on the daily walks, which today will be to the train station & hospital & back...I like a boobless adventure, am at the ready to bat anybody who gets too close to the missing boob site and already find myself wandering along with my right arm at an angle ready to slap those who may get too close! Amazing the things you need to think about with new body challenges...am having to rethink the whole handbag set-up...

I do hope you are all loving the onset of spring, am keeping a close eye on my lovely croci which didn't get too battered by Dennis (as I hope you all didn't), daffs about to pop and can't even recall what I did re tulips so that will be a nice surprise.

And talking of nature sprouting my head hair is growing lots (its about 1/2 cm now), eyebrows are nearly at full capacity and chin hairs are certainly making up for lost time...interesting that all hairs are much whiter than they used to be.

Am still not sure I trust my waterproof dressings to attempt a full shower yet, been having prison washed and lower body showers to far but may go further (get me!), once blummin drain is out.  It will be interesting to see how the drain is affixed as its got caught on doors and things and despite good yanks has managed to stay attached, although I don't want another fainting incident!

Christine - how the knee & are the new hearing aids still free of Archie DNA?

Caroline - hope you're still feeling more chipper.

Sam X

I love your positivity and sense of humour!  I'm sure everything is going to be fine with your attitude to life.  You sound good fun to be around.   All the best with the Hospital trip today.  Will keep following you to see your progress.

Hi Sam!!

So good to hear from you!!! All seems to be going well - hair, poo and removal of drain today!! Have to say I hated the drain as much as you! Like you - I kept getting it caught o various pieces of furniture. I would take some pain killers before you go to have it removed. It's not a pleasant experience!! It's amazing how much pipe they have stuffed inside you!! 
Well done in doing your exercises - they do get easier but don't push it. 
Ive been accepted on to a research trial that has developed an app which is aiming to help give you more guidence/ information and remind you to take your hormone medication.  Be interesting to see how it works!! I'm thinking unless it sends someone round to put the pill in my mouth, it might still be hit and miss with me taking it!! 
Mood wise - ok. Still a bit up and down and still constantly exhausted!

Hope your jolly to the hospital goes ok!!! 
Caroline xx
 

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Hi Sam,

its good to see the loss of a boob has done nothing to change your outlook on life!  I am jealous of your being allowed to cope alone and go for walks. If you remember I was almost under house arrest after my surgery with my 'mother hen' children keeping me 'safe' and daily visits from the district nurse.  Lucky you getting rid of your drain before the need to shower becomes unbearable. Mine was full every day for nearly a fortnight the first time and a full fortnight the second time. I can't say it bothered me all that much, though. I used to sling the bag across my shoulder and hide it under a jacket. My fluid filled protuberance hasn't gone down yet! And that's with a needle drainage being done and daily lymph draining exercises. At least I am clean! The old lick and promise doesn't do it, does it? I was really lucky because it didn't hurt much at all when I had the drain removed, so I hope you find it ok, too.

It is nice to see those brave little harbingers of spring poking their heads out from the  mud that used to be flower beds, before the constant rain. I wasn't feeling up to clearing all my old perennials before the winter came and now the crocosmia leaves are slimy and drooping all across the edge of the lawn and the daffodils and crocuses (croci?) are fighting to be seen above the remains of the cranesbill and the flipping grass and dandelions and other weeds that have taken over. And where has all that long grass come from? it's supposed to stop growing in the winter! I keep waiting to be so disgusted with the state of the garden that I get my *** into gear and do something about it, but that hasn't happened yet. 

So glad your crowning glory is coming back. I had lunch today with the girls who learned about my breast cancer on the day I was diagnosed, one of whom has made a remarkable recovery from ovarian cancer and a lesion on her bowel.  She had to have chemo and lost her hair, and was delighted to find it came back a beautiful grey colour and curly!!  Ten years on she's still teaching PE four times a week and never stays still. Amazing woman!

I'm still putting my ears out of reach of the demon dog, so they are still intact and my knee is not exactly pain free but good enough to do the full gym circuit on Monday including 100 steps which I couldn't do the last time I went because I was in so much pain. I had my NHS physio appointment on Monday and have been given an exercise programme that should really help me, so in the morning, between taking my Lansoprazole and having breakfast I now do my lymphoedema exercises and my knee exercises instead of watching BBC Breakfast TV.

I am still taking the Letrozole without too much in the way of side effects, thank goodness, so I hope you will be ok with them, too.

Caroline, what date in April do you go for your follow up? Mine is 8th. I find taking my Letrozole after my evening meal is quite helpful in reminding me to take it because even if I forget, then, I always remember when I go in to tidy the kitchen for morning and take it then.  I was advised to take it then rather then earlier in the day to reduce feeling sick and I can't say I have felt sick, really.

Pandy, I'm really glad to,hear you're all clear now. That's great news.

It sounds like we're all on the way up, now, don't do too much, Sam, it's early days yet, Caroline I am, like you, still feeling very tired. If I do one big thing in a day, I'm wiped out for the rest of the day, and I give in to it, which I can, so take care of yourself. My mood is getting better now my knee pain is much less, so I think it was the knee that was getting me down more than the Letrozole.

Onwards and upwards, ladies!

Christine xxx

Caroline

Nice pic!  Very strong, like it.  Your trial sounds interesting, I can't say I've looked into what "trials" involve that much despite being told am suitable for clinical trials (need to focus on one or 1.5 things at a time to retain the little sanity that remains) so am surprised and impressed I guess that they extend as far as apps....shouldn't really be surprised in this day & age I suppose.

This trial would however be no use for me as I relish being stuck in the dark ages and will only "do" apps if there really is no other option (i.e. Twitter to complain of shoddy service) and even then I grimace whilst using (if that wind changes I'm in trouble).

Christine

Your garden will amaze you, yes the grass may be a bit rubbish (mine is only green thanks to moss!) but I think that its better for the wildlife for it to be quite unkempt (can I use the same excuse for the house I wonder??). Think of all the wee beasties that have taken refuge amongst the crocosmia...they'll be thanking you.

Get you and your exercise regime eh?  Shall I see you too at the next olympics?  It all sounds very impressive and I'm sure will help your knee (and other bits) well, I always feel better all over when am being healthy & exercising (sometimes easier said than done though!!).  Is it a gym you go to or part of the hospital?  I'm a member of local (ish) gym, was a member of David Lloyds which is 5 mins from my house but fell out with them when they increased their fees one year by 15% - to over £100 per month, cheeky ******** so now go to one that's more out of the way (will always act on principle - even if it inconveniences me!), not that I'll be going there for a few weeks yet though...

Are your April follow ups the first post all treatments to see where you're at with hormone tablets then? Need to know what's to come...

So as you've probably gathered removal of drain was fine, there is a lot in there, you're right Caroline.  I insisted on seeing and understanding how it works, very interesting indeed.  It was a lovely lady who removed but am sure she lied to me about bringing it out slowly and then removing the whole thing so think I missed out on the weird sensation...how disappointing.  The lady who removed drain said all was looking very good so we'll have no more bits of the body falling off unexpectedly I hope.

Still somewhat apprehensive about having a shower, I know the dressings are waterproof but really don't want to get them wet and have them come off before their time.  But then again can't be bothered to have a prison wash everyday until next Thursday!  Ooo what a cleanliness conundrum!!

When at hospital saw my surgeon in passing who stopped to say hello (she may be a no-nonsense South African but is always happy to say hi and seems genuinely interested in my wellbeing) and said, not surprisingly, all went well - I told her as I was still alive she must have done a jolly good job and thanked her (not 100% sure she gets my sense of humour...not that it would stop me of course).  That reminds me, Adrian does make me laugh, when he came to check me out of hospital he was trying to force money onto the hospital staff (that obviously they can't accept) to thank them for not killing me - he's a very generous but daft man!

And hair growth makes me now look less Brian Glover & more Terence Stamp...who next I wonder?  

Right time for morning exercise (not quite at Christine's BBC breakfast time yet but that gives this slovenly wench something to aim for).

Keep well ladies X

Hi All,

Glad your drain removal was painless, well, relatively, Sam. I hope you did decide to trust your dressings to be truly showerproof, they are! That first shower after that long wait, well it wasn't so long for you, is wonderful. I felt like a bag lady after two whole showerless weeks. I imagined people could smell me coming, except my kids wouldn't let me go anywhere until it was removed.

The appointment in April will be the first checkup since my drain was removed. That was two weeks after my last surgery. I suppose it will involve checking that the cancer is still gone, presumably ultrasound, possibly a mammogram, no idea really!   My swollen non boob is getting annoying now. It feels like a tight band under my arm and the skin is a bit tender. I keep thinking my bra is rubbing on it, then I remember I'm not wearing one!  Got an appointment at the lymphoedema clinic next week, but I don't know that there is anything that can be done about it, I'm religiously doing the exercises.every day.  Talking of exercise - the gym is part of the hospital physio department and the exercises are really for strength and balance. I did the full circuit yesterday, and my knee is suffering today because I did the step ups and the thigh stretch, (showing off) which meant bending my legs further than they have bent for months - foolishly I believed it when I was told they would be good for my knees! I had to take 2 paracetamol at 3am before I could get to sleep! I might give the steps a miss next week and not force my leg to bend quite so much.  I've got my X-ray next Monday, at 5.30,  so I'll be at the hospital twice in one day. Such joy!!!

Apart from all that, life is good, or it would be without the eye-watering wind and rain we are all having. Even the dogs are reluctant to go out in it, although that might be because they hate the coats I make them wear, otherwise they smell of wet dog for hours afterwards!

Caroline, or should I say Storm? After boasting about remembering to take my Letrozole, last time I wrote, as I was getting ready to take it last night, I counted them and realised some time in the last week I have forgotten to take one!!!  Duh!!!

Going to do some painting today. I am finally making my faces resemble their owners.  As I expected, the husband was easier to capture than the wife but I'm happy to say I know what to do today to bring her to life, not literally, obviously, but you know what I mean. She really is very pretty and I would hate to fail her. She has such twinkly eyes, once I catch that she will be there! Fingers crossed!

Happy pancake day,

xxx

Hi lovely ladies,

Lovely to hear that our journeys down this path are going in our favour and we are battling through!! 
How are you doing now Sam? Is the wound feeling ok. I have to say I jumped in the shower with dressings and a drain!! I can't function without having a shower and the dressings truly are waterproof ( I did have to stand sideways so the water wasn't running over the dressing too much).

Christine, like you - not totally sure what the April check up will involve! At the moment I'm feeling pretty confident all will be fine!! I can't imagine anything has reaccurred after only 6 months. (Fingers crossed)

Ive now got my trial app! So far it has explained in easy terms, how my medication works and the importance of taking it regularly. Then a section on why people don't want to take it and how to make it part of your routine. 
Ive just returned from a girlie weekend in Iceland (amazing place) but wasn't too great at taking my meds. 
The next section is on side effects but I can't access that yet - concentration - lack off, is a bigger for me!! (Should be working now), night sweats and tiredness. But I need to persevere. 
Nice to see Feb is nearly over and I have a holiday to Tenerife booked for April - although not too sure now as we are booked to stay in the hotel that is now on lock down due to the coronavirus!! Fingers crossed.

Enjoy the rest of your day. Xx