I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Thanks both, its rapidly becoming a bit of a farce.

In on Friday evening then back home, in on Saturday then back home...

And am now back in A&E, different hospital though as clear the last one were not the best....am more hopeful that the team here, where I have my chemo, will stop this temperature yo-yo!

Hopefullt they're soon to tell me what the crack is...where's Dr House when you need him eh?

X

Oh Sam! This is not funny. Effing bliddy cancer drugs. I don't do the praying thing, but I am sending all my energy out to the cosmos or wherever that the fever comes down soon. I don't care if I do getntold off for swearing! This kind of thing is enough to make a saint swear.  

C x

Oh Sam!!! That's pants!!! Fingers crossed you will be able to get back home soon!!!

caroline XX 

HURRAH!!  Finally had an A&E free day.  The temp stayed down and am feeling a bit better.  Was not happy yesterday but thankfully that's now behind me and can focus on festivities.

Thanks for the support there - I needed it!

Happy (and it is now) Christmas XX

Ladies I just want to say thank you for being so brave for sharing your stories which have really helped me to understand what my mum is going through.

My mum was diagnosed last week with early stage grade 3 breast cancer and is having her lumpectomy tomorrow.

Sorry if this sounds crazy but I feel like I'm seeing signs everywhere that something bad will happen during the operation.

Luckily my mum is staying super positive!

just wondered if anyone else experienced this seeing "signs" everywhere?

thank you from a worried daughter

Hi Seashell84,

so sorry to hear about your mum. But try and stay positive!! We are/have all coped in our own ways and breast cancer research has come on so much these days, that it's more of an inconvience than anything else!! I didn't want to be mollycoddled and wanted to carry on as normal. Try not to wrap your mum in Cotton wool - I am sure she will appreciate your support and help but let her get on without making a fuss.

We are happy to lend you an ear if you need us 

caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

Thank you so much for your reply ️
Yes that's really good advice to not make too much of a fuss and let her get on.

We do lots of things together so have just been trying to keep her mind occupied.

Just want to get to the point of tomorrow when she's come round from her lumpectomy.

Thank you again for the advice

Michelle xxx

Hi Michelle,

Hope all goes ok today, with your mum's op. Let us know how it goes. We have fingers crossed.

Caroline x

Seashell84

Please don't worry unnecessarily.  Us ladies are made of strong stuff and despite the gaddarn roller coaster of chemo and other treatments we endure.  Please do be strong for your mother as she may need you to have a positive attitude on her behalf at times (I have a very positive attitude but have still needed other's positivity to keep me grounded when it seems like the chemo devil was winning).

Hope the op goes well today, what a day for it! You don't say what your mothers treatment regime is but good luck throughout.

I have to say I've never seen any "signs" but as a blunt northener I have to say this does not surprise me at all...bear in mind that you may be misinterpreting signs and they could be positive though eh?

Best wishes to your Ma X

Hello ladies,

Thank you for the advice and support!

My mum has had the lumpectomy and three nodes sent to the pathologist.

Will get the results in 2-3 weeks so fingers crossed!

Pretty sure she will be having radio therapy too.

Have a lovely Christmas and I will keep updated on her progress.

Michelle xxx

Hello ladies,

Thank you for the advice and support!

My mum has had the lumpectomy and three nodes sent to the pathologist.

Will get the results in 2-3 weeks so fingers crossed!

Pretty sure she will be having radio therapy too.

Have a lovely Christmas and I will keep updated on her progress.

Michelle xxx

Hello Michelle,

it is easy to forget that anyone can read what we write on here and it is so nice to learn that our ramblings can be of help to others, just as we were helped by people who were a bit further down the road than we are.

You may already know that I thought the mastectomy was a doddle compared with what some people have to go through (Sam) and I'm sure your mother will find it less distressing than imagined beforehand.

As the one in our little trio who has adult (middle aged but don't tell them I said so) children I know what you are going through. My one bit of advice for you is to let your mum do as little or as much as she wants to do during her recovery.  She may be, like I was, feeling that she could do more or less what she did before her surgery or she may need more support. My lovely son and daughter were so freaked out by my seeming vulnerable for the first time in their lives, that they smothered me to some extent.  I was forbidden to walk the dogs while I still had my drain in, even though the nurse said it would be fine.  I wasn't allowed to drive for three weeks, and only then because I lied and said I had seen it written down somewhere that it was ok after three weeks and I was barely allowed to take a cup into the kitchen while my son was there.

i have been really grateful for their help and support but I wish, sometimes, they would remember I was an adult, knowing what to do, long before they were.  My son is taking me to stay with them for the New Year, and he has told his sister I will not have to lift a finger. I can't imagine anything more boring than being a visitor in someone's home and not being allowed to help out. Still, that's what he wants and it would be churlish of me to complain, so I'm going armed with my Kindle full of reading books, my Audible books and my iPad and MP3 player so I can listen to my kind of music and keep I touch with this forum. 

I hope the news is good when you get the results of the sentinel node biopsy- that operation was a bit harder to bounce back from, I thought, although I'm fine now, eight weeks down the line.

Merry Christmas, to you and your family, 

Christine x

Sam and Caroline have a blast!  Merry Christmas!!!

Thank you Christine!

I hope you have had a lovely Christmas!

I've certainly taken that on board today and have let my mum get involved as much it as little as she likes.

She's been round my house with my dad most of the day enjoyed her Christmas lunch and playing with my 2 year old daughter. She did try and pick her up a few times and I had to remind her to wait.

She also apologised for not being able to help tidy up. I told her she was being daft and when she does help me I only end up getting all OCD about tidying anyway.

Going to give her a rest day tomorrow (unless she gets fed up with my dad)! Then we're going do something on Friday.

Sam and Caroline hope you had a good Christmas!

Michelle xxx

Hi ladies,

Hope your day yesterday was stress free? My 21yr old son kicked off in the morning and refused to take part in Christmas! We did manage to talk him round but he did everything half heartedly and didn't spend much of the day with us. The cat go so high on cat nip, she threw up numerous times under the Christmas tree, I forgot to cook the sprouts and left the parsnips in the oven!! But other than that, it was a family quiet day but am now glad it's over!!! Family day to the cinema today, which I'm hoping goes off without any other hiccups!

Hope you all have a lovely Boxing Day!!! Michelle, let us know when your mum gets her results re lymph nodes. I was lucky that mine were tested while I was in surgery so I didn't need to go back like poor Christine did!! 
Caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

Sorry to hear your son didn't want to take part in Christmas Day. How has he been since your diagnosis?

I may only have a two year old myself but I teach up to the age of 20 year olds and have been at the wrong end of many of their annoyances.

That made me laugh about your cat! Can't remember last time we gave our cats catnip. Even though most of our house is non carpet they always find the smallest scrap of fabric to be sick on.

Hope you had a nice time at the cinema!

I will let you all know how my mum gets on with her results. From what I've read in the groups earlier posts it does feel like a bit of respite for her from the fast paced initial diagnosis and treatment.

Michelle xxx

Caroline,

That sounds like so many of our past family Christmases. It was a standing joke that something would get left in the oven, a dog would steal the pigs in blankets or the wine would get spilled.  The best part would be the dog walk halfway through the meal to make room for dessert. 

By the end of the day I would be a wreck.  Also in those days, I believed women weren't allowed in the pub on Christmas Day lunch time and the meal was always served after they closed!!! Never heard the Queen's speech as I would be in the kitchen.That was after I would spend all Christmas Eve alone doing the Father Christmas stuff, while the children were in bed and hubby caroused with the other men In the pub!

Can you imagine that? When I left him, after nearly 30 years, he told everyone I would come round, because I always had. He was totally shocked when I had divorce papers served on him - five years after I split!!, Still, can't regret those years, we travelled the world with our jobs, had some great experiences and I've got the best children I could wish for.

My son used to be a real bah humbug for Christmas. - they grow out of it!

Happy New Year!

Hi All,

I hope all your Christmas Days were as relaxed and peaceful as mine was. Sorry  Caroline! 

We had a variety of takeaway curries at my daughter's for lunch, followed by lactose free tiramisu that tasted great and we watched rubbish tv right until it was time to go home for bed. It was perfect!  My gifts were all extremely acceptable no unwanted gifts here, in fact my daughter's main gift to me made me cry it was so special.

The only problem happened as I was leaving, walking down her long garden steps in the dark. The exercises I have been doing for my gammy knee had really helped me to walk without pain, unfortunately I haven't learned which muscles to exercise to enable me to go down steps or even downhill and by the time I reached the car I was In agony again, so today has mostly been spent with my feet up, hoping to be mobile again tomorrow for my journey South.

Christine xx

Oh no Christine!!! That knee is giving you a hard time isn't it!!! Let's hope it improves in the New Year! But glad you had a lovely relaxing Christmas - not like the ones in the past!!

Michelle, I have 3 boys aged 21,19 and 15. When we told them about my cancer they were very frightened but once they saw I was fine and I carried on as normal all the way through, they coped fine. The problem with my oldest is that I think he has undiagnosed ADHD/some type of Aspergers. Only mild but enough that it has been something that affects his behaviour. He is also smoking a lot of weed at the moment which also affects his moods. I am just hoping that something causes him to see how bad it is for him but he won't listen to my advice. I was a primary school teacher for 22 years and hence why I suspect the ADHD. He has always been very self centered and struggles to accept other people's opinions. Yesterday he did come out to the cinema with us and joined in fine! Every day is different!! 
We are off on a big family getaway for New Year. On Saturday, 16 members of the family are off to Taunton, where we have a converted barn booked. I have my fingers crossed that there will be minimum fall outs!!! ;)
Caroline x

Sorry to hear about your knee Christine! Hope it's feeling a little better today! Glad to hear you had a nice time at your daughter's.

Caroline that's so good that your boys have been able to still just get on with their lives. Your can do attitude must be influencing them.

ADHD and Aspergers must be difficult to get an adult diagnosis. Do you have much contact with his friends? Just thought if they could speak to him about the weed? I have also known quite a few students who have used it and just grown out of it. That's really good though that he came to the cinema with you all. Also nice to hear from another fellow teacher!

Hope you have a lovely time at your family get together!

Michelle xxx

Caroline

Your son should be glad I'm not his mother and the world should be glad I've never had any kids ( as should they ??!!??)....not sure I'd have the patience that you obviously & luckily have given his situation. And raw sprouts are very under-rated I find.  My chap, and this year was no exception, serves up everything at a different temperature, luckily the gravy is usually hot to heats things up.  So thankfully managed to stuff my greedy face on both Christmas & Boxing Day ( 2 full Christmas dinners - Adrian, afraid that the turkey that was dated use by 26th Dec would be off by 25th bought 2 crowns for far too many people...I do worry about him!).

Your cat also sounds like a challenge...you drug pusher, you!  My cats are lucky that am sooo tight they don't get expensive catnip and their treat was that they got 1/2 pouch each of wet food (rather than the miserly 1/4 pouch to accompany a modicum of dry food).  How are they so fat I ask myself, and why do all my neighbours know them so well...curious...

And Michelle - my cats have been sick that many times over the year what may have been beige carpets in the mist of time now have leopard spots (maybe something to to with unenthusiastic application of carpet vanish however).

What did you see at the cinema - any recommendations?  Its my pants week next week so may end up there just to stop the cabin fever at some point.

Do have fun in Taunton, hope its dry for you.

Christine 

Blast had - cheers!!

30 years!  Crikey.  As you can tell from my posts I think I'm rebalancing the imbalance that you had in your relationship, Adrian (the dafty-pants - as he is fondly known...amongst many other things the lucky lad) always does all the cooking when I'm at his house (and will never eat at mine for fear I kill him), and thankfully festive fare is not exception, he won't actually let anyone in the kitchen to help.  My job is entertaining the guests (maybe he doesn't want them to stay eh?) until the nosh is good to go.  I've also of late, being quite tired, especially with the chest infection (which is getting better, just a pathetic cough remains) have got him tidying the house too.  He's such a good boy - and I'll be reflecting on this in his annual appraisal!

Can I ask what your daughter got you, no worries if you'd rather not say, I always struggle with gifts for my mother (cricket books were her highlight this year...not very inspiring though for me...I hate cricket..maybe this is where am going wrong).

Your curries sound yummy (my taste buds are still pants), what's your favourite?  MIne is a garlic lamb dish (chunks of lamb with whole garlic cloves that pop in you mouth in a middling heat sauce)...they don't do it in many places though unfortunately.

Stick with your knee exercises and it will improve again...give it time...

Where are you down south? Hope the travelling was OK as know what the roads can be like down here when it should be quiet (once made the mistake of thinking I would have a leisurely journey to Doncaster in between Christmas & New year...6 hours later...never again!) - and don't stay too long...the north needs you!  Hope you're having fun wherever you are.

Michelle,

I may be having radiation therapy at a similar time to your mother (maybe just after) as will have surgery around end Jan and then rads March-ish.

Let us know what the mid Jan results show and am glad she had a good Christmas.

Sam X

Hi Sam,

Two Christmas dinners is amazing! Our food was also several different temperatures all settled with molten gravy.

Leopard spot carpet! Brilliant! I have a chair with similar makings that no matter how much upholstery cleaner still the same a week later!

That's helpfull to know you will have your radio therapy at a similar time. Will also update on the results in Jan.

Michelle xxx