I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi Sam,

I'm no nearer making a decision than I was before today. The outcome of the meeting was that it's all a lottery, she worked on a ten year timetable, saying without further treatment at all there was a 55% chance I would be alive and well after ten years, which could go up to 68% if I had the full monty of chemo, hormones and bisphosphonates, but, of course, there is no guarantee, and if I did all that, I could still be one of the 32% that don't make it.  As for side effects, I could have none or I could have all, and still not make it to ten years.  My son explained to her that as I am obviously of sound mind, (his words, not mine) and I am more interested in quality of life rather than longevity this was something that needed further thought.  Bless him, what he said to me later was that obviously he wanted me to live as long as possible, but he wanted me to be happy. 

Chemo was ruled out by the doctor based on family history, yay!!!  My concern now is the bone strengthening medication and the damage it can do, if I were to agree to the hormone therapy because the Oestrogen killer can cause osteoporosis. It seems like giving you one poison to stop the cancer coming back and another to counteract the bad things the first one can cause. She gave me a leaflet about both and it does not make pleasant reading. She didn't answer any of my questions about my particular cancer, such as how fast growing it was and how likely it was to recur and she said if I want to see my pathology reports I would have to make a request to the NHS to see my medical records!

My son suggested that I get the bone density test done, then decide on the hormone treatment based on the state of my bones, which sounds like a plan  if my bones are good, take the hormone meds without the bone strengthening and if my bones are thinning anyway, either strengthen them or not take anything. In any case the bone strengthener only increases the possibility of reaching past the ten year mark by one percent!

i had my telephone assessment with the physiotherapist from Benenden at 10.45 yesterday morning and at 12.30 I was being seen by a real life person.  I had ultrasound, laser treatment and TENS treatment, have been given exercises to do and advised to take paracetamol and ibuprofen together for the pain  I have another appointment in the NewYear.  Already it feels a bit easier but that could be because I have not been allowed to do anything. I have been well and truly told off about walking to the garage for my car not only by the kids but by my lovely next door neighbour who said I have to ring her doorbell if I need anything.

I went to get measured up for my new false boob but couldn't get it done because I have a rather attractive cleavage - already!!  The vacuum has been filled again! I have to wait until I'm flat again  before being measured up.

Don't worry about the drain, Sam, it really is no biggie, and not everyone grows a new boob full of fluid. 

Archie is doing great, now.  I've been keeping an eye out for his pooping, as he wasn't passing as much as he should, but at least was passing some, but my son took them out this morning and came back horrified, apparently Archie got rid of the last of his bird food in huge quantities!  It's a relief for me, but was obviously much more of a relief for Archie!!! Fortunately he is insured, so the weekend adventure has only cost me £60 excess payment, instead of the £500 it actually cost.

I feel bad because I haven't filled the bird feeders since last week because my knee has been so painful. We also get a lovely mixture of birds, coming in shifts, but no parakeets, a bit cold I imagine.

My daughter and I usually spend Christmas together and sometimes we do the Turkey and tinsel stuff, other years we go for a curry. Last year we got Chinese takeaway on Christmas Eve and warmed it up for our Christmas dinner. Neither of us has been in the mood this year, so I still don't know what we are going to do.  I did buy a couple of lobsters from Iceland, which I love, but I don't know if she would want that. I actually put up my Christmas tree this afternoon, but haven't bothered with anything else, I never realised until I closed the boxes without taking out the contents just how many decorations I have, that I usually put up all over the house.

My son is going to Ireland with his partner, her parents insist on all the family returning to the fold for Christmas, then they are coming back here on their return and whisking me off to stay with them for my birthday on New Years Eve.  That will be nice for my daughter to have some time free from worrying about me and nice for me to have a change of scenery.  I laughed when you said Elf is your favourite Christmas film. The last time I stayed with them at this time of the year we went to see Elf the Musical in London. I also recognise your style of gift wrapping, same as mine, it was my mother's, too. Now I use gift bags and tissue paper, usually recycling ones I received the year before. 

So glad you are coming to the end of your chemo, here's to enjoying your food in the New Year!!

Christine x

Christine

So lots of info and decisions to be made eh?  At least you've had your queries answered and thankfully for you, have ruled out chemo.  Its good as well that your son is being supportive of your priorities as can impagine that is quite difficult for those who love us...I'm the same as you in that quality of life trumps longevity, not sure the boyfriend has got his head around that one yet...

Good he also recognises you've still got your marbles (not something my nearest & dearest would ever admit to) and that between you and your son you've developed a plan, presumably you can make any decisions in your own time?  

Hurrah that the physio is already having a good impact and quite right you're told off for the garage fiasco ( though I'd have probably done the same....am so English and don't like to inconvenience others).

I think your boob still lives on, despite being removed, how long will this filling with fluid go on for, I mean its got to stop at some point hasn't it??

Ha!  The image of your poor son watching Archie produce a mountain of slightly digested fat balls...nice, bet that made him yearn for lunch eh?  I'd also like to think that Archie would think twice about downing anything that's not in his dog bowl (year, unlikely I know if he's like any of the dogs we had growing up...I think daft & piggy sums them up quite well).  Glad your insurance came in handy.

Understandable that this Christmas will be a little different, good your children are looking after you.  Will be (sort of) looking after my mother and hopefully not wishing her gone after day 1...mmm we'll see.  She's a rubbish nurse so expectations are very low...am hoping she's a better cleaner as my house needs it (some hope).

Enjoy!

Sam X

Hi Sam

re. Archie- He stayed with my daughter for a few hours today while I had Christmas lunch with my friends. When I went to pick him up, she said there was good news, more good news and bad news.  The good news was that he had done perfectly normal poo, and he has at long last learned how to come downstairs without being carried, albeit on a lead.  We live in a bungalow, so when he goes to hers he loves to follow her upstairs but has, up to now, been scared of coming down.

The bad news was that when she went to the loo, and was out of the room for no more than three minutes, he had eaten half a packet of marshmallows that she had forgotten were on the coffee table! So No! He hasn't learned his lesson!

Re. My ever growing non boob, I was told yesterday that they won't try to drain it again, for fear of infection, and I will just have to wait until the fluid gets reabsorbed by my body! Could be a while!

Re. My knee - agonising again, today.  I took the recommended combo of paracetamol and ibuprofen this morning, strapped both knees with sport braces, elastic sleeve with criss cross straps to support the joint, but was really in a lot of pain both walking and when at rest, which surprised me. It was only when I got home  I realised I had forgotten to put my Actipatch inside the sleeve.  I slipped it in then and this evening the pain has been much less.  I have used Actipatch on my other knee for a couple of years and always been satisfied that it was helping but this has convinced me even more.  It is so worth the money. 

I'm in bed now, waiting for the nice codeine tablet to make me sleepy, I'm still on the packet they gave me at the hospital - don't do tablets until I really have to, but since my knee has been so sore they have been great for helping me to sleep.

If we don't speak again before the Baccanalia that is Crimbo, have a good one and be nice to your mum!

C xx

That naughty dog, may i suggest santa brings him a muzzle, he cannot be trusted at all, he'll be eating furniture, peoples legs next....so very naughty...

Sounds like knee stuff is on the up, despite you not using the right stuff to support it.  I've got rubbish knees (nothing like yours!) , blame years of step aerobics...and should do exercises and you're making me feel bad...when I have the energy will resume.

Am just like you re drugs, the boyfriend is always trying to force paracetamol, cough medicine etc on me but my point of view (and therefore the correct one!) is that things will generally improve by themselves....well that was the case up till this chemo lark anyway.

I currently write from A&E, and was here last night before being dosed with antibiotics and sent home.  High temp returned this morning and was soooo disappointed as had planned a jimjam day in front of TV while daft boyfriend braved the rammed aisles of the supermarket ( I am assured we have turkey!). So hooked up to drip, produced a fine vintage urine sample and waiting to know what's causing daft temps.

Had to laugh when a nurse was told by a doctor to ask me to remove my jumper to bring temp down...not sure that's the solution!! I refused.

So based on last nights visit its looking like a chest infection but not sure re this morning's development.

On the plus side white blood cell count good so am not in neutropenic sepsis (how I got admitted for 5 days post 1st chemo), but really don't want to be here every 2 mins with fluctuating temp.

And again they ask have I taken paracetamol?  Why would I?  I'm not even sure I'd know what to take it for...thought it was for headaches.

Not sure chemo is supposed to polish you off but feels like it sometimes...

On the plus side bought stuff to do...and using the time wisely to reply to cancer pals!

Bring on the feast!!!

Sam X

Oh no Sam!! What a bummer!! Fingers crossed they manage to get you sorted and sent home.

Chemo really isn't a fun activity is it!! I thank my lucky stars that I missed out - although at the time I did feel cheated that I didn't need it!! I am sure your bf will have managed to acquire a turkey!! But I'm sure a beef joint would be more lovely and less dry!

Christine, thank God you get to avoid chemo too. Another positive to take from a *** journey. Good to hear that they are trying to sort out your dodgy knee too. 
I am still fighting with myself re my tamoxifen. I'm taking it occasionally but not regular like I should. I just feel that why should I put myself through the side effects if the % chance of the cancer coming back are not too high anyway. I've also got to start taking some adcal tablets, due to my lower than normal bone density. Haven't picked them up either. I think I really begrudge all this medication when I've always been so healthy!!

Took my hubby to the Celtic Manor yesterday for an over night stay, for his birthday. I booked us massages in the spa too but had to lie on the health declaration as I knew they wouldn't allow me a treatment if I declared I'd had cancer. It's happened to a few friends of mine and quite a lot of places won't let you have a massage until you are between 3 and 5 years clear.  I then worried about the fact I have a huge scar that runs round onto my back so opted for a facial instead :D But on a positive, we have just received the payment through after claiming on our critical illness cover!! So every cloud!!

Christine, hope that boob stops trying to grow back and that knee starts to improve soon. And Sam, fingers crossed they sort out your temp and you get to go home soon!!

Love Caroline XX 

Hi both,

I was going to come on here tonight to see if you were ok, Caroline as I hadn't heard anything for a while and lo and behold there was a message from you.

Sam, my naughty dog has done all the eating of furniture, clothing, electrical wiring etc  in his puppy days and it really is an improvement that he is only going for vaguely edible stuff now. I am seriously considering the muzzle!

I watched Click on BBC News, today and one of the presenters has recently been down our road i.e. Breast cancer street, and allowed them to film her having chemo with her cold cap, one of the most noticeable things about it was she had a port, not a cannula. She said it was her choice because she plays the piano and wanted to protect her hands .

I was really shocked to hear you are in A&E again, your immune system has really taken a beating, hasn't it? I think the doc asked about your taking paracetamol because one of its properties is it reduces Fever.  Thank goodness your white blood cells are doing their job, that's why your temp rises as they fight the little blighters that are trying to infect you! It's a tish time to be in hospital. Good job you've got a man who looks after you!.  By the time your surgery comes round it will be a doddle after all the problems with the chemo  

Caroline, I wouldn't worry about the Adcal, my daughter has been taking them for a long time as she is dairy intolerant and she hasn't noticed any side effects.  I can so understand your feelings about the Tamoxifen. Do you feel ok when you do take it? I feel hypocritical because I want to tell you to take it, when I might not, but you have more at stake than I have and if I was twenty years younger I would probably take everything offered if it kept me alive, it's just because I am old and cynical now that I feel differently.

My daughter and I have finally discussed Christmas Day, and we are going to have a takeaway curry. She will pick it up the day before and we will reheat it at her house, Simples!

My cleavage is growing again, I could get away with a low cut dress if I was so inclined but it isn't hurting so I'll pretend it is supposed to be like that. My knee, however is going to be a work in progress for a while.  That reminds me, I haven't taken my painkillers yet, must do that now.

Sam, I hope you are well enough to go home soon and have a great Christmas, and Caroline, I wish you and your family a great Christmas also.

Love

Christine xx

Thanks both, its rapidly becoming a bit of a farce.

In on Friday evening then back home, in on Saturday then back home...

And am now back in A&E, different hospital though as clear the last one were not the best....am more hopeful that the team here, where I have my chemo, will stop this temperature yo-yo!

Hopefullt they're soon to tell me what the crack is...where's Dr House when you need him eh?

X

Oh Sam! This is not funny. Effing bliddy cancer drugs. I don't do the praying thing, but I am sending all my energy out to the cosmos or wherever that the fever comes down soon. I don't care if I do getntold off for swearing! This kind of thing is enough to make a saint swear.  

C x

Oh Sam!!! That's pants!!! Fingers crossed you will be able to get back home soon!!!

caroline XX 

HURRAH!!  Finally had an A&E free day.  The temp stayed down and am feeling a bit better.  Was not happy yesterday but thankfully that's now behind me and can focus on festivities.

Thanks for the support there - I needed it!

Happy (and it is now) Christmas XX

HURRAH!!  Finally had an A&E free day.  The temp stayed down and am feeling a bit better.  Was not happy yesterday but thankfully that's now behind me and can focus on festivities.

Thanks for the support there - I needed it!

Happy (and it is now) Christmas XX

Ladies I just want to say thank you for being so brave for sharing your stories which have really helped me to understand what my mum is going through.

My mum was diagnosed last week with early stage grade 3 breast cancer and is having her lumpectomy tomorrow.

Sorry if this sounds crazy but I feel like I'm seeing signs everywhere that something bad will happen during the operation.

Luckily my mum is staying super positive!

just wondered if anyone else experienced this seeing "signs" everywhere?

thank you from a worried daughter

Hi Seashell84,

so sorry to hear about your mum. But try and stay positive!! We are/have all coped in our own ways and breast cancer research has come on so much these days, that it's more of an inconvience than anything else!! I didn't want to be mollycoddled and wanted to carry on as normal. Try not to wrap your mum in Cotton wool - I am sure she will appreciate your support and help but let her get on without making a fuss.

We are happy to lend you an ear if you need us 

caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

Thank you so much for your reply ️
Yes that's really good advice to not make too much of a fuss and let her get on.

We do lots of things together so have just been trying to keep her mind occupied.

Just want to get to the point of tomorrow when she's come round from her lumpectomy.

Thank you again for the advice

Michelle xxx

Hi Michelle,

Hope all goes ok today, with your mum's op. Let us know how it goes. We have fingers crossed.

Caroline x

Seashell84

Please don't worry unnecessarily.  Us ladies are made of strong stuff and despite the gaddarn roller coaster of chemo and other treatments we endure.  Please do be strong for your mother as she may need you to have a positive attitude on her behalf at times (I have a very positive attitude but have still needed other's positivity to keep me grounded when it seems like the chemo devil was winning).

Hope the op goes well today, what a day for it! You don't say what your mothers treatment regime is but good luck throughout.

I have to say I've never seen any "signs" but as a blunt northener I have to say this does not surprise me at all...bear in mind that you may be misinterpreting signs and they could be positive though eh?

Best wishes to your Ma X

Hello ladies,

Thank you for the advice and support!

My mum has had the lumpectomy and three nodes sent to the pathologist.

Will get the results in 2-3 weeks so fingers crossed!

Pretty sure she will be having radio therapy too.

Have a lovely Christmas and I will keep updated on her progress.

Michelle xxx

Hello Michelle,

it is easy to forget that anyone can read what we write on here and it is so nice to learn that our ramblings can be of help to others, just as we were helped by people who were a bit further down the road than we are.

You may already know that I thought the mastectomy was a doddle compared with what some people have to go through (Sam) and I'm sure your mother will find it less distressing than imagined beforehand.

As the one in our little trio who has adult (middle aged but don't tell them I said so) children I know what you are going through. My one bit of advice for you is to let your mum do as little or as much as she wants to do during her recovery.  She may be, like I was, feeling that she could do more or less what she did before her surgery or she may need more support. My lovely son and daughter were so freaked out by my seeming vulnerable for the first time in their lives, that they smothered me to some extent.  I was forbidden to walk the dogs while I still had my drain in, even though the nurse said it would be fine.  I wasn't allowed to drive for three weeks, and only then because I lied and said I had seen it written down somewhere that it was ok after three weeks and I was barely allowed to take a cup into the kitchen while my son was there.

i have been really grateful for their help and support but I wish, sometimes, they would remember I was an adult, knowing what to do, long before they were.  My son is taking me to stay with them for the New Year, and he has told his sister I will not have to lift a finger. I can't imagine anything more boring than being a visitor in someone's home and not being allowed to help out. Still, that's what he wants and it would be churlish of me to complain, so I'm going armed with my Kindle full of reading books, my Audible books and my iPad and MP3 player so I can listen to my kind of music and keep I touch with this forum. 

I hope the news is good when you get the results of the sentinel node biopsy- that operation was a bit harder to bounce back from, I thought, although I'm fine now, eight weeks down the line.

Merry Christmas, to you and your family, 

Christine x

Sam and Caroline have a blast!  Merry Christmas!!!

Thank you Christine!

I hope you have had a lovely Christmas!

I've certainly taken that on board today and have let my mum get involved as much it as little as she likes.

She's been round my house with my dad most of the day enjoyed her Christmas lunch and playing with my 2 year old daughter. She did try and pick her up a few times and I had to remind her to wait.

She also apologised for not being able to help tidy up. I told her she was being daft and when she does help me I only end up getting all OCD about tidying anyway.

Going to give her a rest day tomorrow (unless she gets fed up with my dad)! Then we're going do something on Friday.

Sam and Caroline hope you had a good Christmas!

Michelle xxx

Hi ladies,

Hope your day yesterday was stress free? My 21yr old son kicked off in the morning and refused to take part in Christmas! We did manage to talk him round but he did everything half heartedly and didn't spend much of the day with us. The cat go so high on cat nip, she threw up numerous times under the Christmas tree, I forgot to cook the sprouts and left the parsnips in the oven!! But other than that, it was a family quiet day but am now glad it's over!!! Family day to the cinema today, which I'm hoping goes off without any other hiccups!

Hope you all have a lovely Boxing Day!!! Michelle, let us know when your mum gets her results re lymph nodes. I was lucky that mine were tested while I was in surgery so I didn't need to go back like poor Christine did!! 
Caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

Sorry to hear your son didn't want to take part in Christmas Day. How has he been since your diagnosis?

I may only have a two year old myself but I teach up to the age of 20 year olds and have been at the wrong end of many of their annoyances.

That made me laugh about your cat! Can't remember last time we gave our cats catnip. Even though most of our house is non carpet they always find the smallest scrap of fabric to be sick on.

Hope you had a nice time at the cinema!

I will let you all know how my mum gets on with her results. From what I've read in the groups earlier posts it does feel like a bit of respite for her from the fast paced initial diagnosis and treatment.

Michelle xxx