Hi Tony52

I'm so sorry and I know exactly how you feel one week ago my husband was told the same he's going through the blame/anger/why me stage and I feel guilty for eating when he cant. He has also told me he is sorry like its somehow his fault, I'm trying to be strong as I imagine you are but its hard, Im sorry I have no real advice but listening and talking to each other and trying to stay positive is all we can do at the moment until we understand the next steps

Best wishes

Carol 

Hi Carol

i am sorry to hear you are in a similar position, it is so very hard especially not knowing what to do for the best. I don’t usually post messages etc. But it just got too overwhelming yesterday so thank you so much for you reply, we wish you the strength needed at this time real advances are being made all the time so we do have that hope.

best wishes

Tony

Hello Tony,

I am sorry to hear of your situation, but I hope that my story might help you help you and your wife to stay positive and perhaps to bring some Hope and Focus to the terrible panic that you might have been feeling (I spent so much of my time in a perpetual state of hysterical panic at the start of my journey with cancer).

7 years ago, when I was 44, I found myself with terminal breast cancer (it had spread throughout both my lungs and liver with no palpable breast lump, and few symptoms except shortness of breath and extreme fatigue), and I was not expected to live very long.

I am now 52, and still physically fit despite the terrible prognosis, but the mental battle has been pretty tough. Although it is difficult living with Stage 4 cancer, it is definitely worth trying to stay positive. Nobody knows what's round the corner; I imagined all sorts of horrible stuff, and none of that particular stuff came true (so that was a great waste of precious time wasn't it!? lol)

In the first years, I was not expected to live very long, but now I have learnt to take each day, one day at a time. Each morning I wake up, open my eyes, and say to myself "It's not got me yet! And it's not going to get me today" and I carry on.

I continue to plan my life as though I expect to be here. I have made arrangements for all eventualities, but I am planning to continue to be part of a growing band of people living with cancer rather than dying of it.

After all, there are many new treatments coming forth, thanks to research, and I hope we can all Surf on the Wave of new treatments.

I truly wish you both all the very best. You and your wife are very welcome to message me on here as I check it every other day or so. I cannot give advice, but I am happy to tell you what I do to try to stay positive and healthy.

Take good care of yourself too Tony,

Mary

Dear Mary

Your words are vrry positive and good to hear. Im so glad you live like you do and it gives me hope. My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer today. I am utterly devestated and just dont know what to do. 

Chantal x

Hello Chantal,

I am devastated for you too, so sorry. Cancer is a horrible disease. And everyone's cancer is different.

I do believe that the following things have helped me to feel more in control, and helped me to keep Hope and Focus so far:

*maintaining an interest in my medical treatment and feeling part of the team with decision making

*healthy lifestyle (with wholesome healthy food, and gentle exercise, whenever possible)

*trying to stay positive, focussing on the things I can do for myself to compliment my treatment

*hope that I might survive this (unreasonable say some, but some people do, so why not me?) and realisation that (although the cancer might one day draw my life to a close -many years from now I hope lol) there is a gap between diagnosis and death. With new treatments, and future progress, that gap might even be a big one! I spent most of my first year in the most tremendous state of panic, and what a dreadful waste of time that was?! I still panic, it wells up inside me most days, but the hospice psychologist spent some time teaching me ways to help myself when it happens, and it is less frequent now and less distressing

*accepting help whenever I need it (see above), and allowing family and friends to help too

Over that last 7 years there have been many challenges in my life, and I have picked up numerous little mental "tricks" that help me to focus, and give me the strength to keep hope and to carry on. I am happy to share anything that has helped me. Above are just a few.

I hope this helps?

Take each day as it comes, and look after yourself too Chantal.

Big huge hugs from me here to you both xxxxx

Hello Chantal,

I am devastated for you too, so sorry. Cancer is a horrible disease. And everyone's cancer is different.

I do believe that the following things have helped me to feel more in control, and helped me to keep Hope and Focus so far:

*maintaining an interest in my medical treatment and feeling part of the team with decision making

*healthy lifestyle (with wholesome healthy food, and gentle exercise, whenever possible)

*trying to stay positive, focussing on the things I can do for myself to compliment my treatment

*hope that I might survive this (unreasonable say some, but some people do, so why not me?) and realisation that (although the cancer might one day draw my life to a close -many years from now I hope lol) there is a gap between diagnosis and death. With new treatments, and future progress, that gap might even be a big one! I spent most of my first year in the most tremendous state of panic, and what a dreadful waste of time that was?! I still panic, it wells up inside me most days, but the hospice psychologist spent some time teaching me ways to help myself when it happens, and it is less frequent now and less distressing

*accepting help whenever I need it (see above), and allowing family and friends to help too

Over that last 7 years there have been many challenges in my life, and I have picked up numerous little mental "tricks" that help me to focus, and give me the strength to keep hope and to carry on. I am happy to share anything that has helped me. Above are just a few.

I hope this helps?

Take each day as it comes, and look after yourself too Chantal.

Big huge hugs from me here to you both xxxxx