Hi Tony52

I'm so sorry and I know exactly how you feel one week ago my husband was told the same he's going through the blame/anger/why me stage and I feel guilty for eating when he cant. He has also told me he is sorry like its somehow his fault, I'm trying to be strong as I imagine you are but its hard, Im sorry I have no real advice but listening and talking to each other and trying to stay positive is all we can do at the moment until we understand the next steps

Best wishes

Carol 

Hi Carol,

I’m so sorry that you have had to join the cancer club too. Nothing is easy about this sort of diagnosis. Was this a sudden diagnosis, or has your hubby been ill for a while? If you read my reply to Tony, you will see that we are in a similar situation, albeit for a different reason. The emotions you mention are all the same words that my hubby is uttering.

Having had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself, he has been caring for me these last 8 years and now he cannot accept that it is my turn to care for him. He keeps apologising for being ill and not being able to do things – it’s not as if he had any choice in the matter unfortunately!

Has your hubby got any further appointments yet and, have they decided whether or not  there is anything they can do to help slow down the progression of the cancer?

I am thinking of and praying for both of you and am sure that you will find the strength to see this through.

Please let us know how you are getting on. We are always here for both of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

7 weeks ago he was a working bricklayer with an irritating sore throat, one monday morning he went to take his medication (he had high blood pressure) and it wouldnt go down he wen to the doctors who reffered him for tests, one test after another until 29/3 when we were given this devastating news. He was unable to eat anything after that morning and as a result he has gone from a burly frame to skinny and his love of food and his inability to now eat is more of a worry than the cancer at this moment. He said life without being able to eat to him is no life. We were told (albeits it was a bit of a haze) that they could not operate but he could have chemo if he got strenght back he's had a tube fitted and that is his food source now. We are waiting for hospital appointments to come through for the oncologist so that we can ask more questions and also for a stent so he can at least eat. His inability to eat if affecting both me and our 17 year old daughter as we feel like we are torturing him by doing so even though this would upset him greatly if he realised. Thank you for your prayers xx

Carol 

Hi Jolamine

7 weeks ago he was a working bricklayer with an irritating sore throat, one monday morning he went to take his medication (he had high blood pressure) and it wouldnt go down he wen to the doctors who reffered him for tests, one test after another until 29/3 when we were given this devastating news. He was unable to eat anything after that morning and as a result he has gone from a burly frame to skinny and his love of food and his inability to now eat is more of a worry than the cancer at this moment. He said life without being able to eat to him is no life. We were told (albeits it was a bit of a haze) that they could not operate but he could have chemo if he got strenght back he's had a tube fitted and that is his food source now. We are waiting for hospital appointments to come through for the oncologist so that we can ask more questions and also for a stent so he can at least eat. His inability to eat if affecting both me and our 17 year old daughter as we feel like we are torturing him by doing so even though this would upset him greatly if he realised. Thank you for your prayers xx

Carol 

Hi Carol,

To have this happen so suddenly must be absolutely devastating. I can appreciate that his tube is no compensation for being able to eat food and trust that his stent will make a difference. Let's face it, there is a definite social element to being able to share good food with loved ones and, I can understand how you and your daughter find it so difficult to eat in front of your hubby.Your own meals must taste like cotton wool.

Try to write down any questions you have before you see the oncologist. You will find this a useful thing to do before any appointment. I usually give my hubby a duplicate list of my questions and he writes down the answers whilst I ask my consultant the pertinant questions. Many of us do this, as it is all too easy to forget to ask important questions or to remember answers during the 'heat' of the consultation.

How is your daughter coping with all of this?  It must be very difficult for her at this formative time of her life.

Do let us know when you get your appointment through. I sincerely hope that your hubby will be considered fit enough to have have chaemo and that this will help give him the extra time that you all want.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine

Most of the time I dont even know what too eat he used to be the one with the evening meal suggestions as he loved to cook when he got home from work. Tonight again I didnt care about what I ate he suggested a spanish omelette because thats what he fancied so I made it, it made him happy that I had made what he suggested and very good it was too.

Still waiting for those appointments to come in :( wish they would hurry.

Im working so that the time he needs me I can be available we were due on a cruise next Monday and he's upset about that feels like he's let us down - as if!!

Its hard with our daughter I try not to be upset in front of her (or him) because in some ways she thinks it will all get better and he doesnt want her to worry, she has some very good close friends who she is talking to so knowing that helps.

He's fed up with not having anything tasty in his mouth so I bought him some lolly's and today he made a sweet coffee (he normally doesnt take sugar) and hes not been drinking anything other than sips of water so that made me happy that he was prepared to try sip something else.

Thanks for replying Jolamine xx

Carol

Hi Carol,

I am glad to hear that you enjoyed your Spanish omelette and made hubby happy in the process. My hubby has been cooking the evening meal for a number of years now. He has recently been diagnosed with chronic heart failure and has landed in hospital twice in the past 3 weeks. He hasn't got the energy to cook and, I must confess, that I have little interest in food when I am on my own.

I do hope that you'll get your appointments soon. I expect that you have been looking forward to your cruise for quite a while. You must all be feeling pretty gutted about having to cancel it.

I am glad to hear that your daughter has some good friends who she can talk to. I often feel sorry for teenagers caught up in all of this. Quite frequently, their friends have had no experience of illness or death and, youngsters find that their friends don't really know how to react under the circumstances. There is a website for children who either have cancer themselves or who are coping with cancer in a loved one. This is called rip.rap and many teenagers have found it good to be able to go to a site where other young people are going through the same trials as themselves.

I presume that you got ordinary lollies for hubby. What about ice lollies? I have a very dry mouth as a result of medication and find the natural juice ice lollies help to relieve the excessive dryness for a short while. It sounds as if he is getting fed up of only having water – did he enjoy his coffee?

I am still thinking of and praying for you all and hope that your appointments are in the post by now.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx